I need a kick up the arse please!

[Whippetwarmer]

I feel like I'm floundering. I'm on my own with 2 dc's. dd2's dad is a psychopath (literally, that's the diagnosis), who mentally abused me in pretty horrific ways for years. As a result, he doesn't see dd2 and I have had an ongoing court case since early last year. Have my 15th court appearance next week. So that has kind of taken over my life for the last 18 months. It's been really stressful and I sometimes I question my own sanity.

I did have a successful business but since all this kicked off that has fallen by the wayside. Partly through the stress of it all and partly because I am getting legal aid and anything I earn, they want to take in contributions, so it seems pointless adding to my worries by working just to hand the money over to them.

I feel like I've lost my direction in life. I have signed up for a college course in sep but worry about how I will afford the travel expenses etc, and also deep down I worry about how I will cope with it mentally, when I just about keeping a handle on everything as it is. I feel like life is slipping by, my twat of an ex has already stolen 4 years of my life and I am determined he won't take anymore. I am poorer than I've ever been, and feel like I have gone backwards many years. I worry that I am not a good role model for my dc's, and I'm all they've got.

I can't change how I've ballsed everything up, but I want to change the future. I just don't feel I have the confidence to do it anymore.

To get through all of that you must be strong and that makes you a great role model. Plus you will be able to teach them a lot about what is not acceptable in relationships.

You already have experience of running one business so I'm sure you can do something again in the future. College is a great start to begin building up your confidence again. I'm starting in Sept too, bit nervous too. Have you asked if the college have any financial help available, I've been really lucky with mine (you know, once I spilled my pathetic story!) and I'm getting help with childcare and travel expenses.

Whippet don't forget you're amazing and you can do anything!!!!!

I too am starting college (again!) in September. To the last poster- who did you spill your story to? The finance dept or something?

Student support at my college have a fund to help people on low incomes in difficult circumstances. It's a tiny rural college so there is probably less competition than some places to access it, worth trying though.

OP you have been such a great role model to your DC and are not responsible for how your ex has treated you all. The system in wrong - you should not have to go through what you are/have been through. I have a job FT which I feel like giving up to get legal aid as at the moment it is not worth working - this can't be right can it. My ex has legal aid he does support his DC financially never has - what messages does this send to DC?
Surley they can't keep dragging this on and on for you.
I know how it can take over your life if you let it - I sought professional help and the main thing has been to not let it dominate. Move on, self rep are the court aware of how this if effecting your DC in terms of finances? it makes me laugh not that it is funny at all - how they view the involvement of an unsuitable parent more than the welfare of the child. I read a report that clearly saw poverty as far more harmful for children than an absent parent. Stay strong, get as much help as possible.