How do lone parents cope??

[Fishandjam]

Both on a day-to-day level, and in a crisis?

I'm married with two DC. Recently we've had the latter situation; I went to the out of hours GP with a shocking headache, and ended up 4 days in hospital with meningitis. We have no family locally who could look after the DC. It crossed my mind several times that if DH hadn't been there, what would have happened to my kids while I was comatose on a drip?

And just the day-to-day stuff; my older DS is a right handful and after a day trying to manage him and spend some time with younger DD too, I'm often weeping with tiredness and frustration. Knowing DH is going to be home to help with (nightmare) bedtime and then all the night wakings is what keeps me sane.

So seriously - how the hell do lone parents cope? You're all heroes as far as I'm concerned!

"But shiny, how do you "get up, and get on" if you're so ill you can't even stand up?"

You just do, honestly, I have been sitting by DS hospital bed with a raging migraine and a fever, but what else can you do?

I have a contingency plan, if I end up in hospital, i have a friend who will come to stay with Ds and take him to school and take care of him until I'm fine.

Being in your own makes you very strong, you stop sweating the small stuff and concentrate in what really matters.

As for socialising, I try to have an active life, my friends are my family as I have no family around at all, the house is always open for friends who want to pop in for a coffee, I meet with olfriends for lunch at work every week, and DS and I join other single parents at the weekends so the children can play togetger and the adults can have some adult conversation.

Ds is the most important thing in my life but he doesn't rule it. We take turns in doing what we like, we split the days of the weekend in this way: one day for him to do what he wants, one day for me to do what I want and another one to do something we both can enjoy. (We include Fridays in the calculation).

cestlavielife I truly believe lone parents are heroes dng a job for two alone... Thus heroic of course its yo duty but seeing yo DC an adult raised by a single parent who might even be doing better than one raised both parents is jus amazing...u know you did all by yoself n tht makes you a heroe.
Of course Lone Parents hv frends n family who care but in that house its only you and DC and you are the one who gives all the care light coughs, headaches, stomachaches they hv you but when you have those you have to cope w it and still make lunch tins drive to school etc.. U cnt be picking up the fon every minute friends and relatives only pitch in wen its really a crisis, so I'm proud of you lone parents keep it up smilling

In a crisis i have my parents, like the night i woke up with most horrific stomach bug and spent 10 hours on the bathroom floor. Called them first thing and they came and got him. No idea how anyone copes with zero support.

Day to day isn't a problem for me,i have a very amenable child and introduced rules/boundaries/consequences at a young age which he seems happy to stick to mostly. Bedtimes are lovely, ds loves going to his bed. (never thought i'd say those words)

Babyhood otoh was a completely different story and i didn't get a full nights sleep for over 2 years. I had a poorly baby, various stays in hospital, and daily/nightly projectile vomiting to deal with. I honestly couldn't tell you how i got through that but i did and yes being a single parent i have found strength, courage and patience i had no idea i possessed.

In comparison to others though i think i have it relatively easy, 1 child and lots of support. There are plenty married women with several kids and crap partners who have it harder than i do.

I was a single mum when my DS1 was born. It was daunting, i used to worry about what would happen if something happened to me, but i made friends with a lot of my neighbours and knew that one particular family over the road would look after DS in an emergancy (lovely people)

I think sometimes you think you are alone but there are always people willing to help in a crisis. Im not a single parent now, but if one moved in on my street and knocked on my door in an emergancy i wouldnt hesitate to help, even if i barely knew them.

It depends a lot on whether you have family close-by or a good network of friends, how many DCs you have, how involved the other parent is and what your finances are like.

Just like couples, there is a lot of variation in people's circumstances, so lumping all LPs in together isn't necessarily wise.

For me, having my ex around was an extra stress, he was EA (although I don't believe it was intentional, I think he was a bit misguided) so now that I no longer have to live up to his high standards I am much more relaxed and happy. He pays a decent chunk of maintenance and I work PT & get tax credits, so money's not too much of a problem for now.

I don't have much family help locally, but I know in an extreme emergency (hospital etc) that they would drop everything to help me out. I have a good network of friends, all of whom have said in the past that if ever they can help to ask them (although often when I do, they are busy!) and have met a new DP who would also help me out with anything he could.

We get evenings to ourselves when the DCs are with their other parents and we're even getting a week away without them soon. I honestly wouldn't trade my 'lone parent' life for the married one I had before, even if my ex could magically become a nicer person. I think I've got it pretty good!

Two of my children would end up in foster care if I was seriously ill. My older two would be ok as they would go to their dads

My 6 and 3 year old have no one apart from me. My mum is ill herself,their dad cant even look after himself let alone two small dc plus he's a bit weird. No close friends either

THe thought of my dc being all alone scares me silly. Not everyone has support