Need a shoulder please

[Confused40]

My 18 yr old ds just told me he's proud of me for not staying with ex fiancée and ending rs when I was pg with dd who is 5 weeks old tomorrow. Told ds that ex fiancée wanted me to adopt his religious lifestyle and I couldn't as its not my belief and I didn't want dd to be brought (forced) into very strict religious lifestyle.
Truth is that ex was very abusive and controlling and worse and I couldn't take it anymore.
Feel like my heart is breaking as ds says he's incredibly proud of me for sticking to my principles. I'll never tell him the truth but oh god does it hurt :(
Im struggling today big time

Have a shoulder, I left my husband 9 yrs ago due to abuse, when my ds returns from contact later and extols his dads virtues, I can be proud of the 11 yr old I've raised and that he will probably never know the truth x

And at 18 your ds understands more than you could imagine x

OP you are incredibly brave, and incredibly sensitive to your DS. You have so done the right thing, give yourself a big, big hug. Loads of support here for you whenever you are feeling down.

Sounds like you did a brilliant job with ds

Thank you for all your replies and shoulders. I'm extremely proud of my son but my heart is still breaking. Friends have been helping out since dd had been born. I do get times when I feel very lonely and overwhelmed though.

it must be hard on your own wit ha new born

let people help you, let them into your life - I can imagine that friends who can't or don't want to have more babies would be more than happy to look after a little one :)

I know I would, so would my kids!

It's incredibly hard being on my own with a newborn. My friends have been wonderful and so supportive, but it's not the same as having a dp. I miss being on a r/s, although I know I've done the right thing.
It's so bloody lonely!

I can remember the feeling of loneliness with my first new born, even though I was in a RL with my ex.
THis hasn't happened when I have my second child. I think I had PND with my first child.
Would you consider talking to your GP about it?

I don't think I have PND at all. Lots of lone parents suffer with loneliness, I'm not in the minority. Couple that with sleepiness nights and pure exhaustion of a newborn and not having a dp to share joys and ups and downs and bingo!

it is better than having a dp who is controlling and abusive though.

Oh 100% better than a partner who is controlling and abusive!
Dd will grow up seeing me as her role model and not see me being abused.
Think dd heard me as she just filled her nappy ewww lol
Yea it's really tough at the moment but it will get easier. I have to keep positive