how far is too far for access visits?!

5 replies

sailingmummy · 02/07/2013 21:19

Hi,
My children are 7 and 5. My Ex is currently somewhere in the west midlands, but won't tell me his address...all I have is his mobile number. I do know though that at least for some (all?) of the time he lives with his new girlfriend....
We are currently sorting out the financials for the divorce and he has said that he will be buying a house about 1 1/2 - 2 hours away as that is nearer his work (girlfriend?!) and is a lot cheaper than down here in the south.
He wants to have the children every other weekend. I would love to let them go and stay with him every other weekend - for them to have Daddy time, but so I also get a break and nights out, but I feel that 1-2 hours commute each way at a weekend is too far, and will mean that I have two tired, grumpy children for the rest of the following week.
I'm a teacher and so am off for half terms etc, but would only want them to spend half of half terms with him, as this is my opportunity to spend quality time with them too, as during term time, it is all manic in our house.
How far do your kids go to see their Dad and what do you think is reasonable/ unreasonable distance?
He reckons that the distance is fine, as 'they can sleep in the car'! I think it will disrupt their sleep and make them overtired for school....

OP posts:

freemanbatch · 02/07/2013 21:43

I don't know what I would think was ok for contact visits but I take my children 2 hours away for the weekend very regularly. I leave straight from school so we get there for tea and we set off home just after dinner on Sunday so we're home for tea time and the kids seems to cope with it just fine.

The hand over between parents is obviously an additional problem but the distance is doable if the arrangements are right.

keelyboo · 02/07/2013 21:46

i think 2 hours is ok, but id be asking they are returned at a reasonable time ie an hour before normal bedtime so they can have baths and get settled ready for an early night if needed its surprising how they adapt tbh

Labro · 03/07/2013 09:10

My ds has been doing this sort of journey for the past nine years (since age of 2)
The best way for it to work is for him to pick up your dc's from school and then drop them back at a reasonable time on Sunday, say around 5pm. Don't forget that they are only doing the journey one way at a time, so 1-2 hours there on the Friday and 1-2 hours back on the Sunday

Tuckshop · 03/07/2013 11:22

I think it's fine. They will probably come back tired and a bit unsettled with or without a journey. It's par for the course. What is great is that he is wanting to make the journey and gave that much contact. I think the benefit of that to the children by far outweighs the fact that they will have to travel to his.

postmanpatscat · 03/07/2013 21:50

DP travels from London to the north east every other weekend to see his DC, and has DC for half of all school hols including 3 half terms over two years on a rota. This was set by the court. He's not a teacher, but I am, and he takes all his annual leave to coincide with school holiday visits. Travel for those visits involves a whole day of train journeys for him and around 4.5 hours one way for DC. For the weekends, he stays up near where DC live. Contact is more important than the travelling time. If his ex lived the other side of London, it would still take 1-2 hours to get there! My DD was at boarding school only 22 miles away and that would take me an hour.

Flip