Anyone want to help me guess what is going on in Xp's head please?

[ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath]

Hello all,

Brief background, I split with XP almost 8 months ago (due to his affairs). We've had a bit of a turbulent time but have tried to remain civil for DS (2.5).

I have a new DP and the time has come where I feel comfortable introducing him to DS (i.e. I know this isn't a fling and we are making plans for the future).

XP is not happy about DS meeting DP and wants to meet him first. He says that he needs to know the man that will be in DS's life (he has been pressurising me for about a week to do this). I do understand his fears and have done my best to reassure him that no one is going to replace him and he will always be his dad etc. This evening I agreed to letting XP meet DP at my house for a coffee and DP said he doesn't mind if it makes life easier.

XP dropped DS off this evening and started crying saying he was sorry and he didn't really need to meet DP after all. I said he had to be kidding and that I had arranged it now.

What is going on? This isn't normal behaviour is it???

I think it's understandable.
As you said, he's probably just really scared about being replaced by another man in your DS's life. I'm guessing he was just trying to exert some power by demanding to meet your new partner, but when it came down to it, he just couldn't face the reality of actually meeting the guy.

I think it was very decent of you to set up the meeting by the way.

Thanks corlan, I was feeling a bit sorry for him but part of me can't help but feel as if he's still trying to control my life. I asked him what would happen if he didn't like DP and he said nothing would change so I don't get the point of it
It does feel a bit like a macho thing too which upsets me and makes me angry.

If you changed it slightly and said X was in a serious relationship with another woman, you might want to meet her before your DC did? I think all break ups are difficult once children are involved. I'd let it go this time (not every time)

No matter what the circumstances of the relationship breakdown, I think it's perfectly reasonable for any parent to want to at least meet another adult that is going to play a significant part in their child's life.

It was really good of you to set the meeting up and it sounds to me like reality has bit your ex on the arse, and now he can't quite handle it. That's his tough luck and he needs to deal with it.

Well, he was seeing someone and I would have been fine with him introducing her to DS if he felt that the relationship was serious (they have now split up). I've told him that I trust his judgement and don't feel the need to have a sit down chat with any prospective step parent, I wouldn't avoid her, I just wouldn't feel the need to have an official meeting iyswim?