Is this a rather worrying comment?

[equinox]

I would just like some feedback about a friend. She is very comfortably off and has scarcely done any paid work her whole life as she is living off a private pension from her divorce 7 years ago. Her children have left home and in their twenties. She has no responsibilities other than coping with the runnings of her home (mortgage free and quite roomy) and garden/car etc. and coping with her bipolar disorder which to me appears extremely under control. However I have no real knowledge or experience of this condition and have not got friendly with her that long - only the past 6 months or so.

She has been a very good friend. However the last time I saw her I was discussing this bloke I like who is in the middle of a break up and she told me I like chaos. The other day she replied to a text I sent her saying I felt I shouldn't meet up with him until he had left his wife and I didn't think he ever would leave his wife etc. and she she replied by saying 'I don't know what to say anymore'.

Surely this is rather worrying? Why would a single parent like chaos. Why 90 per cent of us would prefer far more financial security and emotional security than we have. I am on the breadline with constant house and car repairs to deal with and really struggling, have no family to help and my ex lives 100 miles away. She knows all of this. Why does she react like this would this put you off the friendship?

Please do give me your feedback. Perhaps it is that women who aren't single parents just don't get it whatsoever.....? Should I just talk to parents and single parents only from now on in terms of friendships... It is just I like talking to all different types.

I do appreciate any light anybody can shed!

From the few details you've provided, it sounds like you are either already in a relationship with a married man or toying with the idea. I guessing that your friend has already communicated her disapproval. If any of the above then I'm not surprised that she made the comment that she did.

It doesn't make her a 'bad' friend. It just makes her a person that isn't particularly empathetic with your should I ? dilemma with regards a married man.

And what has your lack of financial security got to do with whether you should hook up with a married man?

Hello there Habba

Thank you for your reply. She has been out with married men herself. This is NOT something I ordinarily do which is why after having met up with him twice I have distanced myself.

Ref the financial security it is miserable living this way and I do not know if her not having held down much work in her life has made her very streetwise that is all. She probably does not understand the cost of raising a child on one's own on a low income and no family support (grandparents deceased etc).

Just to clarify a little more I am NOT after any bloke for his wallet as I have never been that way and will not stoop so lo! I like to be financially independent which is one of the benefits of being a single parent even if it does make it far more expensive in my exp. I was just outlining my difficulties that is all.

Maybe she was a bit irritated with you and that's what came out. If everything else in your life is a struggle, she might find it hard to sympathise when you add an extra bit of chaos to your life by seeing a married man. Sympathy and support can only go so far sometimes and maybe she can't understand why you would go and create more worries for yourself and is fed up of being an ear to the drama. I don't think it has anything to do with her own life or stability at all.

That's great Amy to get some feedback.

Sometimes we just can't be objective about our own lives and how we come across it is good to get a perspective from others!