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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Legal advice desperately needed!

4 replies

Kittymaikay · 30/06/2013 21:04

Im hoping somebody here may be able to give me some help please.. the father of my baby left me when i was 9 weeks pregnant, im now 12 weeks pregnant and feel much happier with life now than before he left as he was a very negative influence but i cant stop worrying about when the baby is born. My ex is Jamaican and despite me requesting to meet his family several times during our relationship i never had the chance to meet them because my ex told me they didnt want to meet me because im white. My ex told me on numerous occassions that his mother beat him as a child and also that it is understood within Jamaican families that grandparents can discipline their grandchildren however they please, I have seen the stick his mother used to beat him with.I understand that my ex and his family need access to our child but i want to protect him or her from harm as much as possible...ideally i want to be present for all visits with them, please tell me where to begin? Many thanks, Sarah

OP posts:
harrap · 04/07/2013 13:57

It's sensible you are thinking about the future but I think you may be getting a bit ahead of yourself. There's a long way to go yet. Have you and your ex actually discussed contact and how you envisage it working?

Take things step by step.First of all work out what you would like to happen.

Ultimately a grandparent does not have an automatic right to have contact with their grandchildren and you do not have to agree to anything that you feel is unsafe for your child.

It is perfectly reasonable to want to meet your child's grandmother and build some sort of relationship with her before you let her have contact.

Your ex's claim that his family doesn't want to meet you because you are white sounds a little dubious to me. Do you think it is true? How long were you together?

zipzap · 04/07/2013 14:27

I don't know all the details but I believe one of the big decisions is whether or not you decide to put the father on the birth certificate - that can have ramifications on whether he can claim parental responsibility. No idea on how that impacts on claiming support from him, hopefully somebody will be along soon to provide the details. If not, try to look into this, either by asking a specific question on here or googling it...

good luck!

Droflove · 06/07/2013 07:46

I would think that once the father has contact, the grandparents will too as it will be his decision who the child spends time with on his days. However, if there is a concern about physical harm, you may be able to get contact either denied or only under supervision. I'm not a solicitor so I think you should get proper legal advice. Try the legal aid service maybe?

IneedAsockamnesty · 06/07/2013 20:00

If you are unmarried (to the dad) then you do not have to have him on the birth certificate,you can't have him on it unless he either attends to register with you or signs the declaration and it gets handed to the registrar. If he is not named on the birth certificate this means he does not have parental responsibility.

PR means he has certain rights to do things (exactly the same legal rights that you obtain at birth and he would if you are legally married) to obtain PR without being named as the dad on the birth cert he needs either your consent via a PR agreement OR a court order. Without PR he effectively is not the father for any thing other than CSA.

You do not have to do anything,no chasing no trying to involve him no nothing. The onus is on him to attempt to assert or obtain any rights or responsibilities.

With all due respect pregnant women tend not to randomly break up with the father of their unborn child without very good reason,your talking about someone who chats about child abuse as if it is acceptable and normal as well as something to be expected. I'm guessing that he has other behaviour issues or you have concerns about him.

If I'm right and if I was in your shoes I would do absolutely nothing nothing at all, I wouldn't go out of my way to involve him with the pregnancy and I wouldn't inform him of the birth.

If he directly asked I would not lie but I would not offer any info.i would wait and see what move he makes if any.

Legal aid is a no go as unless you have a provable history of domestic abuse or its a ss cp case you cannot get it for family law cases any more that means he also can't get it.

If he does attempt court action then comes the time that you need legal advice and a action plan but its more likely he won't bother.if he does that is the time when you can take steps to make sure his parents are not able to harm your child.

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