I feel so low at the moment..

[normaleggy]

I've been a single mum for nearly two years. I'm glad I left my husband, he was a complete arsehole, very EA. he no longer has any contact with my two dc and hasn't seen them for over a year. I don't expect that to change and in a way I like not having him around.

I've spent the last two years trying desperately to rebuild my shattered confidence and self esteem and I've made some great new friends, I'm getting out more and enjoying being my own person again.

But just recently I am struggling to cope. I find the kids hard work when in reality they are pretty good kids so I don't know why I feel I can't cope. My dd has ongoing constipation issues which seem never ending and are resulting in her being picked on a bit at school which is breaking my heart. I have a boring but quite well paid job, the people are nice enough but there is no-one there that I would really see out of work or have much in common with. My house is a mess from top to bottom, I don't know where to start. I keep sitting here crying and I don't know why, I have so much to be thankful for, yet somehow it doesn't seem enough.

I'm at around the 2 year mark and have similar feelings. My main issue at the minute is that the house is getting so cluttered - between working and raising kids, i have lost the ability to sort out old clothes, outgrown shoes etc and every cupboard is bursting with stuff that needs sorting.
Am going to try writing a list of everything that needs sorting and then attempting 1 thing at a time.

Do you think you may be depressed ? I tried anti depressants and whilst they didn't suit me (severe side effects) taking the step of going to the GP and talking out loud really helped.

You're doing an amazing job - it's hard to keep going when you are raising kids on your own but I try and take one day at a time and try not to get overwhelmed.

It is really hard work raising children. So doing it on your own is a grind.

I think Facebook's idea is a good one re the list for the house, will help you to feel you are taking control of the situation. Aim to do one thing a night, even if it is running around with a binbag to get rid of any broken toys, junk mail etc. I catch up on the house when ds is at his dad's and I also try and get a bit of me time to do something I'm interested in. If you don't have that time each week I bet it is really really tough.

Facebook, you could be me, that sounds exactly like my house. I did actually make a list today, but it's just sat in the table next to me while I sit on the sofa drinking wine. A couple of my friends have suggested I might be depressed, I so badly don't want to try anti-depressants but realise that may have to be an option.

Thank you both x

Do you have anyone who can have your chidren so you can have some you time?
Sounds like you are doing a great job but you need some time out.

Enjoy your wine!

I've just been motivated by this thread to put all the outgrown shoes and trainers lurking under the stairs into a bin bag which is now waiting by the front door -am going to take it to the clothes band on the way home tomorrow and get a takeaway for dinner with the cash!

That sounds like a good plan, well done!

I do Glitch, my parents and in laws are pretty good, but they mainly have them when I work or have other things to do, I don't know when I'm supposed to get the housework done! Although the in laws are hinting at taking them away for a weekend, so fingers crossed. I won't spend the whole weekend cleaning though..!

You sound how I feel. It's hard sometimes. How old are your DC?
Look on the bright side: you have friends who care enough to notice that you might be depressed. I have precisely one friend and she is not in the UK. All other friends drifted away when things got tough.

I'd say make an appointment with your GP. You don't have to take ADs if you don't want to. I definitely think counselling could help. Let your GP put you on the waiting list. Can you access any counselling through work?

I've also found going to the gym helpful - the endorphins from exercise help to get you through the next day at least and over time you start having more energy.

That's a shame hrrm, it's hard to get out and make friends too sometimes.

Counselling may be a good idea, I know people say 'you can talk to me anytime' but I'm crap at asking for help and opening up. I think some of them don't really understand why I still feel down about the relationship, but it's not because I miss him or am sorry that it ended, more that my confidence and self esteem is still so low. I kind of dont think people really want to be my friend, they just feel sorry for me. I'm sure it's not true but I can't get out of that mind set.

You need fly lady. Seriously try it

Hamwidgeandcheps, this is brilliant! the clutter around the house has been driving me nuts!! The mistake, I think, was in me trying to tackle all areas in one go, which is impossible.

And thanks for your advice on feeling low the other day... I've seen the solicitor and have some great tips, which I'm going to share on MN later on.
Honestly, things aren't half as bad as we think. Just need that kick now and then to snap out of this miserable feeling. Thanks for your support!

normaleggy, please don't despair. Allow yourself these "feeling low" times - I'm pretty sure we all go through that on regular basis. I've hit my rock bottom couple of days ago and felt exactly like you. I had paperwork and general house clutter coming out of my ears, I also had some article deadlines looming this week, and as I sat in front of my computer with best intentions to work, all I could do is cry. I didn't know what I was doing or why and how I was supposed to get it all done.
It's all too overwhelming and at times I am pretty sure I will never meet the deadlines or tidy away all the toys/socks/washing/paperwork/kids' shoes or reply to all the texts and emails as promised.

And sometimes that's just what happens, but more often than not, it turns out ok. I don't know why or how, I just do what I can and usually that's enough to get through the sad "patch".

My friend, who sufferers from recurring depression, but still manages to keep a very demanding job, once said she finds it helpful to keep herself busy, filling her day to the full in order not to have the time to stop or reflect and be overwhelmed by feeling low.