If/How to question NRP

[RogueRebel]

Hi I will give some background on this.
I split from my abusive partner in Feb 11 after being separated before the birth of DD2 in December 10.
xp kicked up fuss about seeing the children and how I'd stolen them but never actually came for contact.
I applied for residency April 11 and Mediation was given before any court dates, for 6months he appeared at one mediation meeting and cancelled, rearranged, cancelled till I was able to get a letter from mediation saying it was a lost cause and given the go ahead for court.

He showed up to 1 out of 3 hearings and I was awarded residency.
No contact other than phone calls between DC and XP until August 12
which was in a contact centre and has now progressed to 1night every other weekend.

Dc's aways come back different. very tired, quiet tearful. DC's have been sick after visits several times and one time DC1 came back with a serious flare up of eczema that resulted in open, weeping sores behind both ears over the size of a 2p that still have not healed properly after 4months of various trips to Dr and creams. every time I get it under control she visits again and its back. I have been keeping a log of all incidents.

This last weekend XP was asked to drop DC to a family party 5mins from his house. he agreed.
I was unable to attend due to working. but I received a call at work that DC had not yet been dropped off 30mins in. (drop of times are important as XP has threatened abduction).
he dropped them off 40mins late and both DC's were very subdued, refused to eat.
Late that night DC1 was vomiting and shivering.
Today DC2 was screaming for my brother all day! crying in hysteria for him.
DC1 mentioned after nigh on 6hours that daddy had told them he didn't like uncle.

I really have come to the end of it all now he is upsetting our children. its not the first time I've heard stories via DC1 (DC2 cannot tell tales yet) including ones about daddy was in the house drinking wine when I fell off my scooter out the front of the house. (I don't drink and DC's haven't witnessed anyone around me drinking - I was shocked she knew what wine was at 4.5, she knew it was wine because she saw dad pour it out the bottle)

what should I do? if I mention anything he denys all knowledge and gets abusive to me.
I can't stop contact as he would take me to court and they've stopped all legal aid for me.

any advice please

afraid don't have much advice but i really feel for u. sounds like u r going through a living nightmare. I hope someone comes along soon who can give u some help but this type of story makes mmakes me so angry at the government for changing the rules regarding legal aid. what r people meant to do when they can't afford to fight an abusive ex? only thing I can think is maybe ginger bread or similar lone parent charity might have some advice. xx

p.s. could u afford to go.back to court if you represented yourself?

only just able to afford to live atm I'm working PT and get no CSA (surprise surprise) hes on JSA and has said to my face he won't get a job because of maintenance.
He has a much better solicitor than me (or hes bluffing) apparently he has a current legal aid certificate when I don't.

If you are looking to stop contact you are going to need hard proof and alot of it. courts wont stop contact if a father wants it. whilst i understand your concerns, and they are real, im not sure you would have enough to stop contact. Is he likely to actually take you back to court or do you think its all bluff?
At then end of the day as the RP if you DONT stop contact if hes abusing your children you will be classed as a bad mother BUT if you stop contact without enough hard evidence at court you will be seen also as a bda mother, its a no win situation. i really feel that you do need to get legal advise on this case you can get a FREE half an hour appointment to discus it with a solicitor, take your proof with you for them to see. Also make sure you tell them at the outset you can not afford to go over the fREE appiontment slot.

This book is good, covers how to support dcs having contact with abusive ex. Also try Women's Aid as they sometimes do counselling for children and may be able to point you in the direction of a solicitor experienced with this kind of situation, who might do a free session for you.

Unfortunately I think I agree with kitty, it's sounds awful for your dc but I don't think it will be seen as enough, yet. If he is abusive though I would not try to reason with him, he believes he is superior to you and that you deserve to be fucked with. Just stick to short to the point emails - dc1 needs this for eczema.

What is with the vomiting? Do you think it is psychological or food poisoning or what? I would go to your gp about this as kitty says you need evidence, and (repeated if necessary) bits in dcs notes will be useful to prove the effect it is having on them. Is dc1 at school, maybe see if they have anyone who can talk to them. Again may help your dc cope but could also be useful evidence.