Do you treat having male friends around dc differently to female friends as a single parent?

[AmyFarrahFowlerCooper]

I was just thinking this over and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm reconnecting with old school friends recently and I've really enjoyed it. I don't give a second thought to meeting up with a woman for a coffee or lunch and bringing dd along but if its a man I would be meeting it feels a bit weird to take dd along. I don't know if this is because my ex has drummed into my head that he doesn't want dd to meet any future partners until he has met them first and given them the okay and somewhere in my brain, because these friends are male, it feels like they fit into that category of they shouldn't really be around dd because technically I suppose they could end up one day somehow being a future partner.

I know its just my ex has messed with my head a bit here but I was wondering if you treat male and female friends differently in regard to having your children around them?

I am always paranoid with male friends that everyone will presume they're a (SHOCK! HORROR!) new boyfriend and GOD FORBID that us lone parents might attempt to have a new sex life ;-)

I've always treated them equally. Makes it easier when you do have a new BF because the DCs can (if they're small) meet them without it being a big deal.

You might think it nice to let your ex know of a new BF before he hears it secondhand from your DC, but he has no right at all to insist on meeting them and "approving" them. That's really out of order, and also not on for him to make you feel you can't have male friends. You're split up. You're single. You don't belong to him.

Thts true thanks :) it seemed like a good idea when we were splitting up but now its a bit of a pain! I think I'd let him know but wouldn't do the whole letting him approve type thing now. Because if he didnt approve, its not like it would make me rethink it so its a bit of a waste of time anyway!

That's a really worrying head fuck he's done there.

Don't let him meet or influence your choice in partner AT ALL.

If he hears it second hand from the DC then so what. If he was a reasonable person you might feel inclined to let him know, but he's not. So don't.

Of course you can. They are all your friends at the end of the day. I have had a male friend crash at mine on the sofa, just the same as I would with female friends. DD's dad would have a fit if he found out as he's just like your ex, but as he's my ex I don't give a flying fuck what he has to say

OP - is it reciprocal? Do you have a veto over the women he is dating? Surely that's only fair

My ex partner's ex wife insisted in meeting me to see if I was safe around her child. I found this patronising and stupid, and refused to meet her at all. Incidentally, she should have been doing her vetting on herself instead, he met someone, within a month he moved in, within 2 months they were engaged and six months later there was a big scandal when the guy turned out to be a psycopath and left her taking with him every single item of personal value she had in the house, one shoe of each pair of her collection if expensive shoes, even the favourite comforter of her son. Oh... He also took care to cut all the electricity cables related to lights in her house before leaving. Did she learn her lesson? No, within one month she moved someone else in...

So I would say that is totallh unreasonable of your ex wanting to approve your new relationships. He will need to trust you to choose well. I'm sure he wouldn't affird the same courtesy to you if he found another person.

As fir treating men dufferent than women... If you care so much about this, perhaps you are not yet ready to reconnect with them. Take it easy on yourself. You have to get used to being a single independant person so you don't feel selfconscious about that, especially if they are just friends.