scared about baby coming to harm with her dad

[HopAndSplash]

DD is 9 months, and her dad has always been very much
about what he can get from being a dad. He sees her 5-6 hours a month, laughs at her crying, calls her 'the baby' dumb, wimp etc and thinks she cries to manipulate. She has been in hospital twice(both issues resolved) didn't ask after her either time, doesn't ask how she is if he doesn't see her for a few weeks, tries to force feed her, doesn't watch what she's chewing or if it's safe(eg she had ink dribbling from her mouth from a pen that he didn't notice one visit) and doesn't have any sun/too hot/too cold dress sense with changing her, and ignores her pooing and pretends he doesn't realise, shook her in 'play' 4 times to distract her from crying then claimed to have forgotten the dangers each time, and has a very short temper/has been violent to males but not females or children in the past, though has said he thinks it's ok to hit children to get them to behave.

Upon asking legal advice, I have been told he will get unsupervised access as there is nothing serious enough to stop it, but I'm terrified about it happening. Please reassure me that she will be ok if/when it goes to court, or tell me your stories?

Sorry to not be reassuring but it doesn't sound safe to me either.
Who gave you the legal advice? I know child protection takes shaking seriously, at least in training!
I'm sure more knowledgeable miners will come along soon.

What a shame. I'm not sure if there is much you can do. He does have a right to see his child, but all those things you describe are awful.

He does not have a right to see the child, the child has a right to a good relationship with both parents which is very different.
I very much doubt given what you have said that a court would go straight to unsupervised contact should an order be made. I would keep as much evidence of current contact and your concerns as you can including a diary of when he has contact and any communication between you. A court would want mediation to take place before any hearings - would you be happy for contact to take place in a contact centre for example? if so then this is what could be suggest and could even aviod the court process, which would be better.
If it did go to court and they ordered the contact centre to start with attendence records would be kept and the quality of the contact can be looked at. There are not many supervised' centres and supported' ones don't write reports but if centre staff feel the child is not being cared for correctly they have a duty to report.
How do you know he behaves like this when he spends time with your DD? is he seeing her at your house?

why is it so little time? his choice? has he said he going to court? what does he want?

unless you have serious evidence of harm then yes he will have unsupervised contact.

what evidence do you have of shaking/force feeding?

finding a pen in her mouth well it happens to lots of people, that isnt abuse or neglect necessarily!

C'est la vie l disagree with your point of view

To the op-
This man has no regard for this child whatsoever. He is a violent person. He has been violent to the child. He shows not very much concern for the child. This will probably end up in court like my very similar case. Stand your ground. Your concerns are very well founded. The baby is too young to speak for herself. Good luck!

If you want to argue against unsupervised access in court you can't agree to it in the mean time. Thats the advice I was given.

Is he after more contact? If he isn't then don't suggest it.

He isn't after more, I have suggested it in the past and he has turned it down.
I definitely wouldn't agree to unsupervised unless forced through court, but a friend who works as a solicitor (not specified in family law but I think she knows general workings) said that they won't listen to any concerns that don't have evidence and that mostly men will get sided with as it is assumed they care about the child I'd they are bothering to do to court

my daughter was in a similar situation, her son was only 4 months, when he asked for access, to get at her not because of the baby, but because of the young age of them both, we asked that the baby goes to his mums house, as we knew he wasn't capable of looking after him alone, pretends he cant smell poo etc, sits on his phone, and shows no interest at all.it was only 4 hours a week, but my daughter was distraught the whole time he was gone. Do you know if anyone else will be around when he has the baby ? its such a heart breaking situation to be in, esp when you know they are not being treated how you would like, hopefully he will get fed up, esp as he doesn't seem to show much interest and seems a bit of a bully.my grandson is now 2, he still sees him and things are a lot better all round, but it is hard I feel for you.

I agree with who have you that advice. I believed my daughters dad was completely ignoring her and screaming at her as neighbours had said they heard him and could hear her crying from the end if the street and he was violent towards me so went to see my health visitor and she said to deny him access and if he forces the issue then contact social services for supervised access and even got a health visitor visit to support me. Try telling your health visitor they will sort it and they are friendly. Good luck hun

I would deny him any access now.

I would get your HV/GP/neighbours/man in the moon on your side.

I would write down every single thing/episode/act/discussion you can think of that shows him in a bad light (and note beside it who can back you up on each thing).

Find yourself the best and most appropriate lawyer you can (this friend is not it).

Then pray/cross fingers/call on karma until you go to court.

Good luck - men like him shouldn't be allowed anywhere near anyone else vulnerable people :(