Am crying out for help please!!!

[Neverjudgeuntillyouunderstand]

I am a blessed single mother of two beautiful, wonderful,smart,funny loving children. There 17mths and 3yrs old. The problem am having is no matter how much discipline I show my 3yr old he never ever listens to me. He hits his brother at any given chance. When I mean hits I mean full blown punches the lot. His temper worries me so much I have taken him to my g.p but they say there is nothing wrong with him. I come from a large family and feel I don't get no support from them or no one. My kids are constantly with me and have never spent 24hrs away from me. I feel like am going to lose the plot. I seriously could just walk out the door and never come back. Its day in day out of constant moaning,crying fighting. Then my 17mth old just follows me around the house all day crying behind me,when there is nothing wrong with him. We go out a lot to parks and zoo's and things like that. But its like there on a mission to drive me MAD!!!! Its like am fighting a losing battle being a mother to my kids. Its like its not enjoyable anymore. Its more of a chore than anything. Its like every word I speak is a different language to both of them. Please someone help me. I want being a mother to be my two boys to become enjoyable and fun again. I understand there no perfect picture. But am sure this how am feeling isn't normal. My mother brought six of us up alone and says we wasn't as naughty as mine are. Please help

First of all ignore your mother, everyone had naughty kids and times when they couldn't get them to do anything but they aren't the things you remember once your kids have grown up because you've worked through them successfully. When you are as old as your mother you will look back at all the great times you had with your kids and not remember this tough behaviour time

On a more practical level what sort of discipline do you show your 3yr old and do you do the same with the 17 month old?

consistency is key with discipline and that also means being consistent between children. The 17 month old might not understand but the 3yr old will see that you are treating them both the same rather than him being told off because he is older. I assume you don't smack if it is hitting you're trying to deal with but what do you do?

Do you spend much time at home playing with your children? I mean the real intense time when you're all immersed in a game or an imaginary adventure? Mine are slightly older but I find that the more time I give to really concentrated playing with them the more time they leave me alone to do my jobs so instead of trying to dip in and out I focus on half hour with them and then half hour of jobs and back again.

In truth I don't know what the answer is but I have every confidence that you will find the answer that works for you in the end

good luck

Freeman batch that's all really good advice!

I have every sympathy. I have two lovely boys too, nearly 3 and nearly 1. I have found that a lindam style playpen has saved my sanity many times. It's big enough and sturdy enough to contain my (big) older DS1 and I use it for time outs. I simply cannot get him to sit on a time out step and look after the baby (toddling as well).

So I use the playpen. I do the full 'supernanny' style routine, but for the 2/3 mins time out, he's shut in the playpen in an empty room. It really has worked for us. We'll have a couple of weeks where he plays up and I need to use it, and then a couple of weeks where just a warning (do you need a time out?) is enough. If your DS1 can't climb out I would seriously recommend it. You can discipline, leave the room scream into a pillow or have an emergency cig and take a moment for yourself knowing that both your kids are safe and segregated. And you can use the same thing for your younger DS2 as well, so the punishments are fair and equal.

I know personally I was just happy to find something that worked so well before the boys get too big for me to physically pop them in it - it's nipped a lot of stuff in the bud asap. I really hope you find something that works as well for you and yours.

Also, give yourself a break!! Being a single mum to two boys is hard, hard work. Especially young and close together. I think you deserve a and a just for getting through the day. You are almost certainly doing miles better than you feel like you are right now!

Are you in the UK op? Have you taken up a funded playgroup place for your eldest ds?

Was thinking the same ^^ could the eldest go to nursery/ playgroup for a bit to give you a break?

Is there any chance of you going back to work (I am a single parent and adore my dd but need some grown up time as well ) Ime even working a couple of days a week helps.

If the 3 yo is hitting you need to be consistant with consequences, whether thats time out, no t.v time, no treats/pudding etc.

It sounds like you do this already but make sure they are getting lots of physical activity everyday.

Hang on in there before you know it they will be off to school

if you think the gp got it wrong.
go on a parenting course.
implement the strategies they suggest. (if it works fantastic)
if it does not work, go back to a different gp and ask for a referrl, stating that you have done a parenting course and that there are still problems.

(for a start, try a 1 minute quiet time in the room where he has to sit quietly if getting a bit boistrous followed by a time out for repeated behaviour it does take ages to work.)

praise good behviour a lot.

feed then regularly. ds is awful with low bloodsugar.

firm hugs and rocking back and forth bring down overstimulated children. lots of spinning /random movements excites children.

ask hv to refer you to parenting courses to get some ideas.

take up nursery place for three year old.

if family wont cant help seek other help eg funded nursery placements, any help on offer locally via hv.

your children are just children they dont have malicious intent... but it sounds like you do need some support and help. tell hv you really need some help. there is help available if you ask for it.