Help. Advice needed on how to help ds who's father left when he was a baby

[bbqsummer]

I am a lone parent. Ds is now five but his dad (exHusband) walked out when he was six months old and there's never been any contact since. I have no idea where he is now.

ds knows that 'daddy ran away to another country' and that he was 'naughty' to do that, but that I love him totally and can love him enough for both of us and that he will always be loved and I am never ever going to leave him.

He's a confident, sociable, loving, clever boy with great friends. He's doing well at school and I pack a lot into our lives as possible. We are very close and have a super wamr loving relationship. The husbands of a couple of good friends are also around and make an effort to do dad things with him - bikes, fires, cars, go-karts etc. But of course they are not constants in his life iykwim.

In the last few days he's been throwing himself at other kids' fathers saying 'you're my daddy'. His teacher told me this today. She says he needs more 'boundaires' and that he has made two fathers (he doesn't know them) feel uncomfortable.

I am not sure what to do or how to help him.

Any advice? We have no family at all - so as well as zero father, he has no grandads, grannies, cousins, uncles etc. It really is just him and me.

Can anyone suggest what I should or can do and how I should adddress the throwing himself (desperately wanting rough and tumble) with him?

I'm going to copy and paste this into relationships too as people on there might know young children in a similar position whose mothers have found a way.

Thanks for reading.

gaah whose not who's in the thread title. thanks

My son does the same and makes a bee line for any man. I find it quite embarrassing but apart from saying sorry to them and explaining to DS that he can't just throw himself at strangers I am not sure what you can do.

Will watching thus thread with interest

You poor thing.

I think you could explain to him that he cant just choose a daddy - you don't need to go on about it or labour the point but I think a simple clear rule is an idea: don't grab other daddies.

And I don't think boundaries have anything to do with it, he's 5! He's impetuous!

He knows he's loved and I'm sure he's not the only one in his circle without a daddy so I think you could also briefly talk about how families are all different and that's ok.

Good luck, it sounds like you've done a great job so far.

He made other fathers feel uncomfortable? seems ridiculous to me that a grown man would be bothered by a 5 year old's misplaced affection. They need to get over themselves.

and OP it sound like you're doing a brilliant job, I'm sure it's just a phase. fwiw in my experience all five year olds do funny things like this, father or not, I think it's their way of making sense of the world.

Thanks for input and encouragement. Iwant i posted this on relationships too and there are a few more answers - they may make helpful reading for you. Glad to know that other kids with absent parents do this.

i have been reading this www.onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/Level-4-Relationships-Explaining-an-Absent-Parent.pdf today and other bits and pieces but really not too sure about the advice to talk about the dad like this - ie show pictures, say where he went to, say he loved him very much when he was born (he obviously didnt)

Just going to have a look at that link. The family outreach people said to do that as well...well about the photo's anyway. I said I couldn't as I totally and utterly hate the man and my DS will be able to sense that. It is far too painful still despite it being over a year later not because he left me but how he has acted since and his refusal to see DS.

I also have a problem with lying about saying he loved DS as in my eyes quite clearly the only person he loves is himself. I do say well daddy loved you but just didn't want to do daddy things or be a daddy.