I want to be a good friend...

[peachypips]

Hi everyone.
My friend has recently been left by her husband. She has one DS who is the same age as my DS. I have a DH and two DSs.
How can I genuinely be a good friend to her? So far I have given her open invitations to be with us a weekends and after school as she said she is lonely and she has taken me up on those offers.
What else would be good?
Maybe it would make sense to just ask her!!!
Thank you in advance.

I think for a while it'd be good if you could be at the end of the phone even at silly o'clock and make sure she knows because the sadness can suddenly hit at the weirdest times and you just NEED someone. And if she seems happy and doesn't really talk about it, just ask her every so often how she's getting on. When me and ex broke up, my family didnt ask once if I was coping. They just kind of ignored it and talked about anything but that. I think it was an attempt to keep my mind off it but all it did was make me feel I couldn't ring them to talk. And I think you are already being a good friend if you care this much :)

That's good to know - thank you! She is not happy at all and has had a pretty traumatic life too. She has had a lot of shit to deal with and this was her second husband too. She is so so lovely and deserves better in her life honestly. I'll keep being open with her and keep asking her then.

Hi op.

Your friend is lucky to have you

Depending in age of kids and financial situation here are some suggestions

Continue to invite fr weekends etc. also if your planning family day trip in holidays or a holiday that isn't already booked consider inviting them.

Offer to take pics of her with dcs, big bugbear of mine. All my pics are just dd.

Offer to babysit once a week/ month so she can join some kind of group or class and meet new people.

Offer to take all kids to local park for a couple of hours so she can get some housework done.

Pick her up a couple of bits with your weekly shop. Personal luxuries are usually the first cut back if your struggling. Don't offer, just do.

Cook extra and take round dinner to take some pressure off.

If she doesn't drive offer to pick her up when she's done her shopping or get big things like washing powder, sack of tatties for her.

Well done for making an effort and yy to making sure she knows you'll listen and still respect her if she whinges

Oh some great ideas that I would never have thought of! Photo idea- great. Our DSs are 5, so all very relevant. Particularly like the thought of them joining us for days out and holidays. And buying little bits for her. And she hates cooking every day. Perfect!!!
Thank you very much

Peachy it is usually only when you are a single mum that you realise what it's like, so you are very thoughtful

I have a friend who invites me over for a curry with her and her DH on a Saturday night now and again. Makes a lovely change from a Sat night in on my own with DD.

She suggests activities to do together:walk, swim, crabbing, beach etc which is lovely...adult company for me

Often couples socialise and singles are excluded from this. We need adult company too :)

Thank you!! Another good idea to do things without DCs. Her ex has her DS every other wkend so that is a possibility.
It's very odd for me at school pick up as sometimes she does it and sometimes ex. So I know them both apart but have never known them together (only met her in Sept). When I go to the park and it's the dad there I feel strange as I know what he's been up to!

I was really helped by a friend who made her husband available to me when the lights went out, when the cat died in the middle of winter and the ground was hard to dig, when my car refused to start one morning. In time, I have found my independence and have various workmen on speed dial should I hit a problem, but in the early days knowing I could phone and ask for help and that they would help was very helpful.