Everything is falling apart and ive had enough.

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Dd1 has today reported me to her school pastoral dept, saying she isn't happy at home, and I don't listen. Dd2 is also having pastoral involvement for social anxiety, and school refusal, and is also seeing Camhs soon, due to the anxiety and self harming.
Oh and Ds is mostly fine except for every other second of the day, when he can't have his own way.

I am so sick of all of this. I try so so hard to be everything to everyone, everywere, all the time and it is never good enough.

Also a bit worried now that school might involve SS.

How old are your 3 children?

I know it feels hideous now, but this may be the starter for you to all have a better dynamic at home, maybe regular family meetings etc, to help reduce everyone's frustration.

I can't see the school involving SS at this stage. Your DD2 has specific issues, but DD1 being unhappy and not listened to, isn't going to push your family into a SS referral.

Dd1 ia 15, dd2 13, and ds 10.

The school won't have us in for meetings tbh as they cba most of the time anyway. It took me constantly ringing to get to see them about dd2.

I know I don't always get it right, but I think the girls are old enough to at least realise how hard I try for them and yet they both seem to be telling me I am doing a shit job.

Maybe I have been too easy on them.

I don't know that they think you're doing a shit job; I'd see it that they're not being heard, and that doesn't have to be by you.

Is their dad around at all?

Maybe a chat about rights and responsiblities is in order. You can be heard as a member of this family, but I need you to contribute to the laundry etc.

Their dad is around, but is useless and only sees them if they choose to go to his. He doesn't contribute at all.

They don't currently do anything around the house because it always just turns into a row, and i'm tired of it.

Ohw I feel your pain and your 2 dd are in the teeneage life were they are so hard to handle. Having a teenager is hard and having two even harder but its worse wen dad chooses not to be involved. I'm really sory that you going through this and alone but dd1 is old enough to understand that you are the parent who stayed you are the one who is there. At this age though they get to be so angry at nothing due to menstruation and body change to becoming an adult and if you disagree with them about anything they hate you.

I don't have much advice jus that I'm proud of you I think you are doing a great job as a single mum raising 3 children alone. Jus one DC is a headache but 3 ooooo hope your kids realise how blessed they are to have you soon before its too late

If asked, I think a lot of 15 year olds would say the same thing. They can be very self absorbed at this age.

I would be inclined to try and find an opportunity to sit down with her and have a chat, if you can.

Ask her what she would like to happen, maybe pointing out that if SS get involved, it wouldn't be you that would be moving out. Teenagers say a lot of stuff that they haven't thought through IME.

If she isn't happy at home, where would she be happy? The alternatives would be:

Live with her father (how is that going to work? Presumably he wouldn't want that, and wouldn't listen to her).
Go into foster care. (If she really considered that I don't think it would appeal).

It sounds as if you are doing the very best you can under difficult circumstances.

Perhaps she should be careful what she wishes for.