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Struggling after my daughter was taken from me,

26 replies

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 21:42

I don't know where to start, I guess when i met my daughters father, I was jus newly out of a long relationship, I had a break down, a friend suggested that I come out to play pool with him at his local, I went, I enjoyed myself, I carried on going which was how I met my daughters father. He was a charmer, very shy, but there was a very nasty dark side to him... I fell fowl to the violence and the fell pregnant, I stayed for about a yr but realised he was never going to change and stopped all contact, court papers then arrived, a couple of yrs went by and my lil one started school in sept so as government states once ur child starts full time ed the parent has to return to work.... Great I thought..... Started to look for workin my field ' landscape gardening' nothing in my area so looked all over London i got a perfect job, for 2 weeks I commuted with various childminders and friends helping then a friend came to me and offered that she would look after my daughter Monday to Friday and I could stay with her sister in law in London, for £150 a week, that way I would be saving every way, to get a flat up there for both me and my baby girl, but behide my back my friend was allowing my daughter father access to see his daughter, then on the 17.09.2012 they took her from my care and told the police I hurt my daughter and abandoned her, that I didn't feed her and her clothes didn't fit, while daughter was under their care they told her that I hated her and she would never see me again, my friend a mother of 5 told my daughter that she was goin to slit my throat, as u can imagine she was very frightened and started to believe wat she was being told! But they lied and I had facts and proof, she is now back living with me, but I feel numb and I can't talk about to anyone! It hurts to think about wat she went through!

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birdbrain21 · 04/06/2013 21:53

Can't really help sorry, sounds like you have been through an awful time and couldn't just read and run.
As a mother of a 7 week old dd I can't begin to imagine how hard these years have been hop you find lots of happiness with you dd in the future xxx

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 21:57

Thank u, for just taking the time to read it!

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drinkyourmilk · 04/06/2013 21:57

I would think you both need professional help.
Awful thing to have happened to you both. I'm so sorry x

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 04/06/2013 21:57

That's an awful experience. How long was your daughter away from you for?

Could you go and see your GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor? Even if it takes a while I think you could do with talking this over with a professional. Do HomeStart work in your area? They might be able to come and spend some time with you and your daughter and help out. What other support do you have from (real) friends or family?

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:00

I'm trying to get help, for both of us! But I seem to be banging my head against the wall, I'm a waiting list, but lil one will be seeing someone very soon! So hopefully that will help her to be able to deal with it and maybe even move on!

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pictish · 04/06/2013 22:01

How dreadful.
I think you should seek help in dealing with your understandably unhappy feelings about this event.
See your gp I reckon. You need support. Poor you and your daughter. Awful.

quietlysuggests · 04/06/2013 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:03

She was away from me for 6 months, I don't really have any family. Social services have closed the case!

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Ledkr · 04/06/2013 22:04

Gosh how awful.
So glad she's with you now.
It must have been very traumatic for you both.
Have social services not offered you any further support?
I agree see your gp and ask about some counselling.
Mostly though just enjoy having her home and lavish her with love and affection.
You have your while lives together now xx

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:12

No they won't get involved any further, I guess there are lots of families who need help, I'm just hoping that we can move on from it.... I just wish I could make it all better for my lil one!

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Smartiepants79 · 04/06/2013 22:12

Sounds like a horrible mess. What an awful betrayal, what kind of person claims to be a friend and then does something like that?
I am glad that she is home with you.
How old is she?
All you can do is give both of you as much time as you can. Be patient with her. Love her and make her feel as secure as you can. Let her talk about it and be as honest as you feel is appropriate.

You are already doing the right thing getting some help. Keep on pushing for it.
Cut yourself some slack, just be there for her.

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:13

I went through her school as I got no help from my gp, they are referring her so hopefully soon things will get better!

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Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:16

She turned 5 in may! She is such a sweet lil thing, we are very close, but she gets scared when I drop her to school or holiday club! I get freak out leaving her just incase something happens!

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notanyanymore · 04/06/2013 22:20

I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through, can I ask how old your daughter is? The professionals that got involved shouldn't just dump you know surely? (Tho IME they do!) Have you got a local children's center? They should be able to offer some support, it might be worth checking out x

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:29

She's 5 now, I live In a small town, looked for one but nearest one is 11 miles away!

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Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:41

Thank u for all ur advice, I thought maybe I had missed something out but I will just keep pushing the gp and my daughters school.

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Ledkr · 04/06/2013 22:41

I work in ss op and am going to ask some colleagues tomorrow what they can suggest and if there are any organisations that can help.
Did dd go into a foster placement and did you have contact while she was away?

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:46

No she stayed with her father and my so called friend till I got her back! I did see her towards the end of the 6 months they had her, which was so hard to let her go back to them knowing what was goin on.

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Ledkr · 04/06/2013 22:48

So I take it al allegations were disproved in court?

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:53

Completely, every last word! I had the truth on my side..... Her father returned her to me after my friend and him had a fight, he the realised that she was lying and she was dismissed from the court as a liar!

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TheChaoGoesMu · 04/06/2013 22:55

Crikey op. I'm sorry. That sounds horrendous. You could both do with some sort of counseling. I'm surprised ssd havent offered to help you access this. Why dont you go back to them and ask what resources are out there for you, and whether they can refer you on?

Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 22:59

They just told me to contact them if her family gets nasty again and if my lil one and I need help to seek advice from my gp! Which I have done.

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Clebear80 · 04/06/2013 23:00

Not family ' father'

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iwantanafternoonnap · 05/06/2013 10:32

I am so sorry you have had to go through something as distressing as this and I can not imagine what you are feeling or how you are coping let alone your poor daughter.

Can you move so that you are really far away from these people? Have you tried the NSPCC as they may be able to suggest some agencies that may be able to help you and your daughter overcome this trauma. Your local sure start centre or Health visitor may help or be able to suggest people.

You need to be very assertive in the GP surgery and state exactly what you want the GP to do. If you get no joy with one GP ask to see another for a second opinion and ask very directly how they are going to deal with it and that being on a waiting list for a long time is not helping and you need something now. I had PTSD from having my child I was in counselling within a month of seeing the GP so it can be done.

I really hope that you get the help for your daughter and yourself that you need.

lostdad · 05/06/2013 11:24

If you need emotional support contact Families Need Fathers (despite the name there are non-resident mums in your situation who know exactly how it feels). Also worth looking up is our sister charity MATCH (Mothers Apart from Their Children).

I emphasis - I know how it feels. You feel like you're a fraud, a fake, guilty, responsible. It's a daily living bereavement...frequently you can't face going out to see parents with their children knowing yours are out there with someone else.

Seriously - talk to someone. It's easy to get isolated and it will get better.

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