Am I insane?!

[fatedtopretend]

I am on an unofficial break with the guy I've been seeing for a while, basically he struggles with the fact I have a dd as he is a party lover and isn't sure he can give it all up (I haven't asked him to do this).

So odd break like thing has come about but I am from the school of "our relationships have lasted because we didn't give up and let go within the first few years" as said between mum mum and her friend (both in 30+ year marriages).

Am I being stupid to not leave it a day to text to say hi?

(Just one mum, not weird calling my mmother mum mum)

You would be absolutely mad to reignite a relationship with a man who struggles with the fact you have a daughter.

Never mind what other people say (sorry, didn't understand the mum mum reference - isn't it usual to say "my mum" anyway?), you and he are at different stages in your life. The last thing your daughter needs in her life (which is inevitable, surely?) is someone who would prefer her not to be there.

Agreed persistence can be key once you know you've got a good 'un and are several years into marriage- but you are not, and this guy is not a good 'un if he'd rather be out partying and doesn't want to take on your daughter. Find a good 'un and their advice might apply.

Don't waste your time on him.

Am in a 20+ year marriage and yes, it has lasted because we didn't give up and let it go after the first few years - but those first few years were a complete and total honeymoon where we both knew that we were made for each other and would make it all work yadda yadda.

The years we had to work things through were much later, when life changes meant that we had to do things different ways/we were both stressed out by work/stuff happened.

Not because one of us couldn't be arsed to give up the high life for the other in the early days. In fact we rarely partied in the early days, just wanted to spend all our time with one another.

How about with relationships where one person has a child and the other doesn't though?

Hi.

The OP has asked us to move this thread.

Good relationships are worth working on, but I'm struggling to see why you'd bother tbh.
How long have you been with him?

The one who doesn't have a child really needs to see and appreciate you as a package IMO. Which of course is difficult when you haven't introduced them yet, but if they're not showing an interest or actively seeing your child as an inconvenience rather than a person - an awesome, special, unique person that they want to get to know because she is important to you, then the relationship isn't a goer.

Don't think of things in terms of being grateful if a man is willing to "take her on", a new (serious) relationship is as much for her as it is for you and she deserves someone who will appreciate her for the amazing little girl you know she is. Of course that's why you wait a while to introduce them but if a man is showing signs of disinterest before you've even started (i mean, realistically he would have to give up the partying if you moved in together) then it's not a great sign. I don't think he's a bad guy, you're just at different stages.

He has met dd and thinks she is brilliant, the thing is that he has a lifestyle that after 15 years of living in is hard to give up and he doesn't know if he can do it yet

Then it's up to him to decide - give him some space. And if he does say he's going to change/give up the partying, make sure he's proven that to you before you move in together.

It is really hard to date when you have DC. So many more factors to consider and you effectively have to skip the middle stage, it goes straight from "casual" to "living as married" so you really have to work up to that part. It is worth it to be with the right person in the end, though. Good luck!