Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

new single parent......feeling it now

6 replies

scrumpymadge · 03/06/2013 21:52

its only been 6 weeks....he left, out of blue, and left me with the 2 little ones (6 & 8). I felt so strong at first, but now the adrenaline is running low its all starting to sink in and my main concern is that the children are feeling it now. The eldest was crying because she was missing me at overnight contact (friday night, every week) and the youngest had a meltdown at school today at lunchtime because he was missing me :( Going through the whole divorce process via solicitors (he was emotional abuser, so I don't feel comfortable with coming to an agreement without being bullied), so that is draining me, but disciplining the children while still being sensitive to their emotions right now is so difficult. Is this just a lull....will I get and jolt of adrenaline returning again? Please tell me it gets better.

OP posts:
freemanbatch · 03/06/2013 22:02

it gets better, it really does but it isn't easy and it takes time and hard work.

My kids only see their dad for a few hours a week, supervised contact, but they both cry about missing me and tell me they want to stay with me but we don't have issues at any other time anymore. It's been 10 months but the kids are happy most of the time and they are very well behaved most of the time.

You will have been being very practical and getting things sorted out and then the time comes when things are pretty much sorted and the emotions catch up and it all becomes hard but it does get better Smile

Original poster
scrumpymadge · 03/06/2013 22:12

thank you freeman.....that is so reassuring to know its going to get better.....you are right - it really is not easy (but I'd still rather deal with this than living with his unreasonable ways!) I'm just shocked at myself for feeling this low at the moment...but I'll dust myself off and have a brighter day sometime soon - hopefully tomorrow :)

OP posts:
freemanbatch · 03/06/2013 22:19

It goes in cycles I find, I have weeks when I feel really good and all is well and the kids are doing well and then suddenly one day we all wake up in a mood and for the next few days its hard to tell if its me winding the kids up or them winding me up and life gets on top of us all so we pull out the duvets and snacks and the Alvin and the chipmunks DVD's, curl up on the sofa and spend the day just being together and it seems to fix it all and set us back on the good road for a bit Smile

You'll find the thing that works for you and yours I'm sure and in a few months you'll look back with great pride in yourself and your kids and a big smile.

Good luck.

Original poster
scrumpymadge · 03/06/2013 22:32

Freeman the up and downs sounds so familiar.....thank you, so reassuring. ps your house sounds amazing..... I love the idea of duvets, snacks and Alvin and the chipmunks....will definitely steal that idea (maybe with the Goonies thrown in for good measure).....:)

OP posts:
WhatALark · 04/06/2013 14:23

scrumpymadge, I'm in a very similar situation to you, and know just how you're feeling. I split from abusive h 2 months ago, and at first felt overwhelming relief. I felt very empowered, and had lots of positive energy for the new start. Now I'm just really, really knackered! DS, who is 3, cries at nursery drop off every morning, and has also had meltdowns at nursery, saying how much he misses me. I pick him up at 1pm, and he can be quite angry at me in the afternoons. He's hit me a few times, which has really upset me!

It doesn't help that everything's a bit mental at my work right now. DS spends Friday nights and Saturday mornings with his dad, but I've been spending that time putting in extra hours at work, and haven't had a minute to myself.

I guess we're just still settling into a new routine. I hope things start getting easier for you and your DCs. When I'm feeling low, I just try to remind myself how bad stuff was with h around. Take care of yourself, Thanks

Original poster
scrumpymadge · 04/06/2013 20:38

oh wow whatalark what similar situations we are in. Im exactly the same.....just shattered. so good to hear im not alone. I guess once all the finances are sorted we can move on. It's this limbo state that is so draining. we will be totally better off with the poor excuses for husbands we were with.....onwards and upwards! stay strong, try to rest when you can. feel free to pm me if you want to share experiences or just want to sound off. take care Smile

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page