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Original poster

This is going to sound awful...

22 replies

HHH3 · 02/06/2013 10:03

I have a 5 month old DS. His father and I split up while I was pregnant. It was a difficult split and things weren't good between for reasons that don't matter anymore. But he was seeing DS once a week and paying maintenance via CSA.

Yesterday I had a call from the police to say he's killed himself. A lot of things have happened in the last few days (none of them to do with me) and I guess he thought this was the best solution.

This is where I'm going to sound awful and selfish. But please don't hate me. I can only cope with this right now by dealing with practical stuff...

As I said, he was paying maintenance which will obviously now stop. Is there any financial help I can get? If there isn't I know I can manage but it's going to be a struggle. We were never married.

Don't know how to end this so TIA

OP posts:
CrowsLanding · 02/06/2013 10:06

Your ds dad killed himself YESTERDAY? And you are bothered about Csa?
What about your ds who is now going to be growing up without a father?
What a horrible thread Sad

aroomofherown · 02/06/2013 10:10

It's a huge shock so you are, as you say, working on practicalities more than the emotional side at the moment. I don't know where you can get financial assistance I just wanted to say I can understand.

balia · 02/06/2013 10:11

What an unbelievable shock for you. Are you in touch/on good terms with his family?

On a practical side, I have heard of people being able to make a claim on the estate in situations like these. It would depend if he had any money, of course. Is he likely to have left a will?

Concreteblonde · 02/06/2013 10:22

What an awful shock.
Do you have any contact with his family ?

Original poster
HHH3 · 02/06/2013 10:27

All I know is that he was in negative equity with his house. Don't know any more than that.

I'm not in touch with his family but I will be.

CrowsLanding - as I said in my OP, I can only cope by dealing with the practicalities right now. Every time I think about how things will be for my DS my heart breaks and I start to fall apart. I've already had to explain to DS1 that DS2's dad has died. I'm trying to hold it together right now. My boys need me to be strong.

OP posts:
meglet · 02/06/2013 10:34
Sad

I'd be worried if my XP died too. The only thing he has ever done is contribute financially. The children don't know him.

At a vague guess I suspect there is no financial help available, but as you weren't married then you won't be entangled in the negative equity problem.

Lioninthesun · 02/06/2013 10:45

So sorry to hear your sad news. I think you are right to be focusing on the practical side, FWIW.
I only found this so far and it is mainly about debts being paid off:

"At the moment, the CSA can only negotiate over the timing of the repayment of debts. In future, the CMS is expected to have the powers to write off the debts if the NRP dies or if the PWC agrees to the write-off."
Full link www.independent.co.uk/money/spend-save/child-support-chaos-is-finally-set-to-be-sorted-7962504.html

Will keep looking for you. Suggest calling the CSA first thing on Monday, as you are probably going to do anyho!

Lioninthesun · 02/06/2013 10:51

singleparents.about.com/od/statebystateresources/a/child_support_and_death.htm
Although I think that may be an American site I think this will be similar - if he has an estate something will be paid from that. Maybe CAB would be a good place to ask too?

Lioninthesun · 02/06/2013 10:57

www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/138030/cm-arrears-and-compliance-strategy-2012-2017.pdf.pdf Page 17 No 6
Off out now, hope someone else can help you today x

Raaraathenoisybaby · 02/06/2013 21:26

Crowslanding that's v unfair. The op wasn't to blame and cannot bring him back!

Op I don't know bit suspect you may be able to claim on the estate and you need to try.

Chubfuddler · 02/06/2013 21:30

Of course you are focused on the practicalities. What else can you do?

Obviously you don't know any of this stuff yet I would imagine, but he may have left a will leaving your son a legacy. If there is a will and he didn't leave your son anything it can be challenged by you on your son's behalf. If there is no will then the laws of intestacy apply - you can google this which explains which relatives take precedence.

All of that is of course contingent on him having anything.

jjgirl · 03/06/2013 10:11

You do need to act as you son is a financial dependant of his so is entitled to a share of the estate if there is anything. Please do not think you are being selfish in seeking out this information.

Original poster
HHH3 · 03/06/2013 11:10

Thank-you all. I didn't know any of this so it's been really helpful.

Have spoken to csa and stopped the claim/informed them of what's happened.

My mum has said to find out if he had a pension as if he did DS should be entitled to it. I'll be looking into the other stuff ASAP. Don't want to ring his family about it yet xx

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 03/06/2013 11:20

The pension fund would fall into his estate to be distributed according to the terms of his will or intestacy. The most important points are - was he married and does he have any other children?

ticktocktammy · 03/06/2013 15:34

I think move to legal as what's relevant here is probate law not csa etc; usual rule is debts are paid off first and that first creditor will be mortgage so if house sale can't pay off mortgage then any other assets will be applied to it which may leave nothing; if he owes you money you may have a claim as a secondary debtor but not for future payments he would have made: however good news is if no will his children will inherit anything less in total (unless he has legal wife but you note as you are not marriued you are not entitled to any inheritance) - do you know yet if he has a will? (Or indeed a wife)

ticktocktammy · 03/06/2013 15:39

Ps forgot to say any estater after debts will be shared equally if he has more than one child

suckmabigtoe · 03/06/2013 15:40

OP i dont think it's awful to worry about how you will cope financially- i know if my EXp stopped paying maintenance right now (for whatever reason) then i would go under. i wish i didn't have to be dependant on it but right now i am and without it i would be facing losing my home.

Original poster
HHH3 · 03/06/2013 17:46

Oh god! I completely forgot - he was married. He'd been split from her for several years but had never actually divorced because of the cost.

I'll post in legal. Thank-you all

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 03/06/2013 18:18

Unless he had a will the first 250 k is hers under intestacy.

Original poster
HHH3 · 03/06/2013 18:22

I doubt there'd even be that. So DS will get nothing Sad

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 03/06/2013 19:20

Re post in legal - be specific make sure you mention his marriage in your op.

Original poster
HHH3 · 03/06/2013 19:40

I will - thank-you. Can't think about any of this anymore today so will do it tomorrow

OP posts:
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