I am a newbie to this site and as a male, I thought it would be good to put across a view on Divorce from ?the other side?.
I am currently going through a divorce, having been with my ex since 1996, but only having been married to her for 5 years. We went through a great deal together, not least 6 years of IVF in order to have our 2 beautiful girls who are 12 and 8.
We had our ups and downs like all couples and whilst I knew that she could be controlling it was manageable, until that ring went on her finger?. After that it all seemed to change. I was consulted less and less on all things children ; my sole role, according to her, was to provide money. She told me this several times?.
Things deteriorated from there really and 3 years ago she told me she didn?t love me?(I constantly ask myself ?did she even love me when she married me??) I have my doubts.
Things got so bad that I eventually, and reluctantly, left in January of this year. For the record, I was always faithful to her. I do have a GF now though.
I have filed for divorce and now she pretty much wants everything. We have a lovely large home with around £160,000 of equity in it. She wants ALL of it on the grounds that ?there isn?t enough equity for both of us to buy a house so I should have it all?. (Yes, she did actually say this to me).
She remains in the house and still refuses to put the house on the market and I now have to pay out an extra £1,200pm to rent somewhere else.
On my income I should pay £900pm maintenance but I pay the £1,000 mortgage, the £200 council tax and the family car at a cost to me of £300pm. In addition she keeps all her own income (£500), the child tax credits (£135)and her additional benefits of £460. So that?s over £1,000 she has coming in plus all the bills paid?.
However, this is not enough for her. She now wants her legal fees paid but has not put a figure on these so presumably can rack up what she wants, a new car (the current one is a lease car), new kitchen appliances because those in the matrimonial home are integrated, to keep ALL the furniture in the matrimonial home, she wants half my pensions and finally she wants to claim a portion of my £200,000 inheritance. (her entire family?s assets stand at £8.61)
I have paid the £2,500 household bills every month for over 10 years but she does not want the court to take this into account. Her financial contribution has been approximately £500pm. She does want the court to take this into consideration. My non-financial contribution in raising the children should be ignored but hers shouldn?t.
She has also left me with £30,000 of debt and I was out of work for 6 months last year and as a result the debts went in to arrears. Since we split in October last year and I went back to work I have paid out £40,000 to get things back up straight. She has paid nothing but she wants this £40,000 ignored in any settlement.
Ladies, I don?t necessarily want sympathy or advice here, just an acknowledgment and appreciation that there is always two sides to every story? I fully appreciate that divorce has a profound effect on both sides but surely any reasonable person, male or female, can see that this is manifestly wrong??
There is a huge difference between protecting one?s interests and feathering one?s own nest, whilst trying to hide behind the fact that ?this is in the best interest of the children?.
Children do not require material possessions,large houses,3 plasma TVs and their own games room, they just need love, understanding, affection, encouragement, guidance and to be taught right from wrong.
Sadly the example their mother is setting them is not the best one?
All opinions gratefully received.