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Original poster

Am I being so unreasonable

8 replies

SamManfredi · 29/05/2013 09:40

Hi, me and my partner have just split up was his choice.
Me and my 17 week old baby have had to move out. At the moment our baby is suffering from reflux and doctor has told me to feed him every 2 and half hours. The father wants him to stay over night at his place but I have said no and asked him can he just wait a couple of weeks until he is better and in a routine, bare in mind I have said to his father he can see him any time he wants. So because I won't let him stay over he has now reported me to social services!!!!! Am I being a cruel person?

OP posts:
MadeOfStarDust · 29/05/2013 09:47

I see where you are coming from - everything is new and raw and you don't want little one away from you... No you are not being cruel ... but....

Are you BF or bottle? If bottle, then I see no trouble in letting DS stay over at his dad's. When parents split you often see the mum trying to control everything - he can feed DS every 2 hours, wouldn't he?? why wouldn't you trust him to keep a routine going? with his son - probably the person who matters most to him in the entire world... He obviously loves him too...

freemanbatch · 29/05/2013 09:55

What has he reported you to social services for?

Personally I would say you are being quite reasonable as long a 'wait a few weeks' means just a few weeks and isn't just a way to put him off. Can you not arrange something for a set date a few weeks from now and assure the dad that you have a routine sorted by then and that he can see the baby any time he wants during the day in between?

I an understand him wanting to have the baby with him and he must worry that he will never be allowed to if he doesn't get it sorted quickly but talking to each other is the best way to go and given you're stuck with each other for the rest of time it would be good to get off on the right foot.

Original poster
SamManfredi · 29/05/2013 10:08

Im not sure what he has reported me for he has just told me he has.
Ok thank you for your advice

OP posts:
mirrorpants · 29/05/2013 15:25

YANBU. He sounds like a dick. My ex didn't start having DS overnight til he was 18 months old.

calmingtea · 29/05/2013 18:26

I would never allow a 17 week old baby to stay overnight away from me. Nothing to do with control, but IMO that is far too young to be away from their primary carer regularly overnight. I would be surprised if the courts would force it either, at that age.

But perhaps in an ideal and equal world if the father has been involved in caring for baby regularly all night previously and actually was capable of doing this and didn't mind waking up frequently to tend to the baby, I might have considered it.

honey86 · 29/05/2013 18:53

oh ffs why do men do that!Hmm

my ex reported me cos i ended it n told him he wont have contact if hes not in a good mental state.

some men seem to think that social services is a ticket to having things their way and getting extra brownie points with the courts/cafcass.
makes me so angry that the disgusting excuses of humans use them as weapons and hardpress them further when theres real child abuse out there they need to be dealing with rather than chasing up aload of false allegations.... to me its the equivalent of making a hoax 999 call, wasting precious time.

cant have your child this weekend? call social services! Hmm

ignore his idiocy, your only doing what you think is right for your child. id never hand over a child that young anyway personally but thats my opinion. cx

RememberTheLovelyLieIns · 07/06/2013 12:33

Depending on how often he see's him, and DS's temperament, overnights may not be ideal for him until as late as 3.
But regardless of individuals, I wouldn't send any under 1 year old for regular over nights personally, it is too disruptive when they are too young to have it explained, and you will hit a stage of separation anxiety in a few months which will most likely mean stopping over nights and unsettling his routine again (Or worse, them continuing due to ex's refusal to stop and severely distressing DS).
Babies are recommended to have short frequent visits, not long periods of time away from the primary care giver (be that mum or dad) it is important for them to build a trusting relationship with whoever is their main caregiver.

I would see how many days a week he wants to see him, then say 2 hours in the morning, then back to you for a few hours, then 2 hours in the afternoon each day if he is prepared to give that much time.

RememberTheLovelyLieIns · 07/06/2013 12:35

(on his days off that is, it would have to be before or after work on his working days)

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