Single mums..when do you feel/felt ready to date again?

[shadesofwhite]

Hi all,

I'm so furious but inlove/crazy about a hot dude. He has always wanted me for 4yrs and I loved my exH more than I liked him back then. Even when I got married to my exH he still tried to get to me and to try know/see if I'm sure my exH was my "Mr Right" (well he Flipping isn't now since he abused me soo much that I became too damaged and depressed)

The thing is as soon as this guy saw I changed my Sirname back to my previous Surname(after I left my exH) he straight away knew something was up. He called and texted constantly to check up on me. I was sooo vulnerable and too weak to refuse a shoulder to lean on since I had no friends to talk to.
Weeks later, I got fond of his kindness, caring and attention he's been giving me and I started to actually fancy him soooooo much. When he realized our feelings were mutual he poped the question,, 'why I rejected him years ago when he really wanted to be with me?' Fast forward, I'm really hurt because we've been sooo crazy over each other and I really want to be with him, we've has GREAT romance and all. But now, he says he's not ready for a commitment cause I've got a child but if I didn't have my baby girl then he'd definitely date and plan to "marry" coz I'd make an excellent wife and mother to our kids. I'm just soo hurt that I felt like he just wanted to fuck and leave. Asked him why he didn't tell me that wasn't ready for anything before we had sex and he said 'he couldn't help his feelings! Funny enough he asked me if I could take him back in the future if he comes back and I said I don't know what the future holds so I can't answer that.

Now he's not calling or even bothered to text to check how my day was and its hurting me sooo much. I really want to tell him off for using me when I was most vulnerable but I also blame myself that I feel responsible for letting it happen. What do I do? I'm sooo sorry for ranting but I needed to talk about it.

Not sure if it all makes sense...I just want to pick up the phone and understand why he did that to me..I feel like I deserve an answer and I don't know what answer I expect..I just want to understand why. He's hurt me even more than my exH did. I always just walk away without expecting an explanation to anything but this time I'm really dying to get an answer. I feel like I'm a doormat to people not just to him and my ExH but to everyone. I'm going through therapy so I'm trying to understand how to create boundaries. I'm really hurt, I hope you can understand.

Hi shades of white

Wow you've really struck a chord with me because I'm in a similar position entering the dating game after a long absence. Abusive ex. Very vulnerable. Kids. Wondering how things will pan out with fact I have kids and all...

How dare he take advantage of you when you were vulnerable!!! And then say he might be back to have kids with you if he doesn't get a better deal!!!! Talk about predators!!!!

Poor you. You must be in bits.

Here's a hug. O

what an arse!! oh how often ive encountered men like this ive just discovered an ex who did similar to me is playing happy families with someone else after telling me hes not ready for a relationship.

makes me angry how ppl think kids = vulnerable and take advantage. i know it hurts hun but my advice is dont take him back at all costs. ignore him even when he contacts you. get that control back as he prob thinks your his little safety net should his cosy other plans fall through. dont give him anything to fall back on- thatll slap his dirty little ego.

hugs xx

Hi snoopy , thanks for your reply. I'm sorry that you feel worried about the future esp with dating again. Its very difficult and I feel VERY anti-men at the moment after this. I guess the only time to allow myself and may be you too back to the dating game again is when you feel totally ready and assertive. Im sure there are genuine, kind and gentlemen out there for each of us. Sometimes bad things happen to good people but I'm trying not to dwell on the negatives as much as possible. Goodluck honey and ((((huggssss))))

Sorry Honey86 to hear you went through similar situation. Predators eh?! They need to been fried and baked in the oven! Thanks for the advice hun, I will totally ignore him. Goodluck too ((hugss))