Hi all!
I've been reading in the lone parent folder ever since XP left me
with DD (9) and DS (3.5) last August.
9 months on and the kids + I are doing great (new home, new job, fresh start).
However, XP is not seeing the kids regularly
-started with 2 hrs per week after work (where he would sit on my sofa and moan about how broke he was after leaving me with £1000+ rent debts!)
and now he hasn't seen them at all since we moved into the new house mid-March !
During his last visit, we exchanged words (I had let him walk all over me up to that point but had had enough when he visited in the new home for the first time and started having a go again) which resulted in him storming out the door.
Since then, all communication has been via text/email.
I laid down some much needed ground rules (e.g. regular access, not in my house) but made it clear that I WANT him to have contact with the kids, repeatedly.
Well, he hasn't replied to any of my emails (we texted to start with)
and now only communicated through DD.
She has her own email account and emails him a couple of times a week. He sometimes replies.
Sorry about the long back-story!
XP has now started promising the odds to DD (taking her away to London for a day, taking her ice-skating etc) but refuses to agree
a time/day with me.
Basically, he makes plans for DD and himself but when I step in and say 'please check with me first', nothing ever comes of it.
It's obvious to me that he's full of s*!t, however he continuously sets up DD for more disappointment, knowing full well that he can't take her anywhere unless he talks to me first.
It was DD's b-day last week and he didn't see her or called.
He sent her yet another email that evening, still going on about
taking her on a day trip...
I have now suggested finding a mediator or using a contact centre for regular access since he clearly can't communicate with me at all
(he has ignored ALL of my emails in the last 2 months and they were all very civil and accommodating)
STILL NOTHING!
I'm resigning to the fact that the kids won't see him again in the near future until he realizes what he's missing out on.
But he keeps stringing DD along and she obviously believes everything he suggests (keeps saying he still has Xmas pressies waiting for her... plus now a birthday 'suprise')
Should I limit direct contact between them or wait for DD to see for herself that her father is a lying ba$!ard ?
Oh yeah, and he hasn't paid a penny in maintenance since he left
-I let him off to start with b/c he was in a lot of debt, but his loans should be paid off now and even if he's not seeing the kids, he should still be paying, right ?
There's no point trying to talk money with him so will have to go through the CSA (prob won't get more than 5 quid a week considering his wages are already being garnished).
Sorry about the long rant,
any advice or help appreciated !
x
PS: I realize that a lot of kids grow up without their dads around or that a lot of fathers decide not to be involved, but he had a very close relationship with DD especially (DS doesn't even ask about him anymore) and we had an amicable separation, spent Xmas together and I was convinced he would do his bit to stay in contact... he keeps telling DD how much he misses them, but then why won't he get over himself and make contact arrangements with me ??
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
XP not bothered to see kids but telling them BS - ADVICE PLS!
10 replies
LePatissier · 13/05/2013 11:37
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.