I cope great and then something hard happens

[keelyboo]

i posted before about ex not wanting to know ds anymore, he still sees the girls reguarly.
last week i found some lumps on ds's back hes booked in with the gp to have them checked on fri, im worried although i know deep down its more likely to be nothing than something but still hes 2 hes my baby and he has unexplained lumps (not like the glands/lymphnodes that come up behind his ears when ill they are totally different hence the worry)

im literally on my own no one here loves my ds like i do, my family are 280 miles away and i have no support for fri, i just dont feel like im coping today. A friend had some devastating news about her dd a few weeks back and to say its made me nuerotic is an understatement but it has so im very worried. Hes also on a referral to ent clinic for possible grommets operation (dd2 had this) and its just me here doing it all, all the worry all the stress all the appointments and today i dont feel like im coping

anyone else in the same situation? and how do you deal with it i guess i just need a friend right now but mostly they all think im over reacting.

Just wanted to send support, so many on here will know exactly what you mean and sympathise totally, so hard to carry all the worry and responsibility alone when they aren't well. Sure you are doing exactly the right thing to have him checked out, fingers crossed all will be fine I am sure. I'll be looking for your good news on Friday after doc visit. You are not overreacting, you are a caring wonderful Mum doing her best.

Hi keelyboo,

I k ow exactly what you mean, just when you think your holding it all together so well something happens and you just think, shit I need someone to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be ok!

My dd has a disability, it means we visit the hospital with her on average about once a month so that her development can be monitored in case she needs surgery. My mum (who lives nearly 400 miles away) tries to attend as many of these appts as she can as they can be very upsetting for me. Dd is only 15 mo, to her it's just an hour or so of being the centre of attention!

The extent of her disability is being slowly revealed to me every day as she develops and sometimes it's all I can do not to break apart as I watch her

I've rambled, sorry its been a long , lonely day! The point in trying to make is whatever comes you can and will deal with it. You may not think you could now but if you have to you will. Chances are there is nothing wrong with your son and this is just a healthy reminder to value what you've got.
Please try and support your friend whose child is sick, sometimes when terrible things happen all your 'friends' treat you like it's contagious and distance Themselves from you. Even if you don't know why to say (typical excuse) give her space to talk, offer to walk the dog, watch the other kids, just treat her as normally a possible and make sure she knows she can ask for help

thank you,herrena wow sounds like you have a lot to cope with im so glad you have someone to come with you as much as possible.

I know deep down ds will be ok or im trying to tell myself this, but its been so hard you wander around thinking it wont happen to you or your children and my poor friends situation has really made it hit home that it could happen so ive been struggling its so heartbreaking. Absolutely there for her though she agrees its true what they say that times like this you find out who your real friends are.

I know i will feel better after friday just got to get there!

And it will come and go before you know it and them the next semi crisis will manifest!

If it helps I have a funny lump on my shoulder that I've had for ages, the Doc said its very common and it's just a fat accumulation. I can't remember the proper term for it.

Won't stop you worrying yourself silly, especially since its all been brought home to you recently.

It really is harder by yourself, always keeping a brave face on for the brats and not having anyone to discuss fears with.

I can always call my mum but tbh it just makes me lonelier when I'm upset. It's not the same as having someone there.

yes same i can call my mum but seems to bring home even more that shes not physically here for support

i expect they are just fatty lumps or maybe even cysts at the worst but no doesnt stop you worrying does it

just needing a let out so thought id update, got cream for ds back (steroid and antibiotic) its done nothing and we are back there at 1.20 today

they are bigger and now they are pressing more up through the skin you can see 7 small but definate lumps (before it looked more like a raised patch of skin rather than specific lumps)

no idea what they will do next but im so worried the doc will just say lets leave and see what happens when i just want 100% confirmation its not the worst possible scenario which keeps going through my head i know im being nuerotic but due to circumstances with a friend right now i cant help it

hes also got his ENT clinic appointment through now aswell