ear piercing - would you be annoyed?

[NicknameTaken]

My ex got dd(5)'s ears pierced at the weekend, without my knowledge or consent. I'm the residential parent.

Would you make an issue out of it?

Does he have parental responsibility?

I've no idea about legally, but I'd think that putting holes in your children is something both parents should get a say in. So yes, I'd make a fuss.

As DD is 5, and you are the residential parent, you are the one who will have to take care of the piercing, so yes I would say it is an issue.

If you take them out they will heal completely btw. Where we live 99% of the little girls have their ears pierced, and I decided to let her have them done at age 6, as I felt forcing her to be different against her will and because of my tastes was not really right. She took them out after the minimum 6 weeks to put new ones in, wimped out about having the new ones pushed through, so ended up without ear rings, and thy healed over very quickly despite having been in 6 weeks. They were done 9 months ago, and you can't see at all now that they were ever pierced.

If you hadn't discussed it, yes I would make an issue. No question.

*her being my DD

Did ur dd want them pierced? Is she able to look after them herself?

If those answers are yes i would leave them in.

My dd (9) has only jus gotten hers done because i wanted her to decide if she wanted them done or not and i wanted her to be able to be responsible for them.

I don't know if DD wanted them - it had never come up in conversation with me. She may have been saying it to her dad. He has parental responsibility.

Not sure if she'll be able to look after them - he's sending me the lotion to clean her ears with.

If I or she took them out, it's entirely possible he'd do it again.

It was done in a hair salon - not sure what the situation is with training/hygiene.

It's not so much the piercing I have a problem with, more the lack of any consultation. We're in ongoing legal action because he wants joint residence and a 50/50 split of her time (I'm refusing because (a) he's abusive (b) he lives in a one-bed flat and (c) he has a foreign passport and I don't trust him not to disappear). It's part of a larger testing of the boundaries. At least I think so - who knows, perhaps he didn't even give it that much thought.

I don't want to turn it into a power struggle for dd's sake.

I think u should ask ur dd if she wanted them done. If she didnt & he just went ahead & did them then i think he is an arse & probably did it to annoy you.

I got mine pierced in a hairdressers & back then (nearly 20 yrs ago) they were trained & very hygenic.

I can understand that u are annoyed about the non consultation but there is nothing u can do im afraid.

Thanks for the feedback. DD said she wanted them done, and she was very conscientious about showing me how to apply the drops to them yesterday (although we both forgot this morning). I'd told my ex he should have consulted me, but now I'm going to let it go.

If he is trying to get a rise out of me, it's better if I don't rise to it. And I don't want DD to feel she's been the cause of a drama.

If she wanted them done then he did nothing wrong imo. Your dd showed that she was ready by being able to repeat the instructions of how to look after them.

It would annoy me not being consulted but he has parental rights so he doesnt have to ask you. Just like you dont have to ask him.

Hi there ,

Your situation sounds like mine. Can I ask how you are getting on now?

I'm nervous just about leaving nevermind trying to co parent

I had the same situation with my young teen dd and a body piercing that her dad took her to have. I was incredibly annoyed that I wasn't consulted about the piercing especially as I'd had the same piercing myself many many years before which became infected and my body rejected.
I felt it was all done sneakily behind my back by dd and her dad. I would have actually allowed dd to have the piercing if she'd have asked regardless of what happened to mine as most heal ok. As a mother I feel I have ever right to be consulted about what is being done to my childs body. Once they hit 18 then fair enough they can do whatever the hell they like!