Lone parents: give it to me straight please.

[verygentlydoesit]

I lurk on the lone parents thread and I can see that for many people bring a lone parent is tough. I take my hat off to every single one of you.

I'm in a less than perfect relationship (of 9 years) with a man with a hefty selfish streak. We have a wonderful 6yo DS.

I'm pretty positive that the MN consensus on the relationship boards would be to leave the bastard. I'm feeling more and more tempted, but very afraid of making a terrible mistake.

We split once, for a year when DS was 1. We were apart for a year so I've some idea of what single parenting can be like. It was hard, I missed DP and missed sharing the highs and lows of parenting with him.

I think a part of me is staying with him for DS. I know I will get flamed for this. I tell myself the good times together far outweigh the bad stuff- were rarely alltogether though so the good times are infrequent.

It feels like the posters on this board are on the other side of the decision that I am weighing up (plus many of you had the decision taken out of your hands).

So I'm wondering if, with the benefit of what you now know, would you advise someone like me to LTB. Or is it (as I suspect) sometimes better to stay.

I know it's hard to advise without lots of information about our relationship, and I'm trying to keep this brief- he is rather selfish but a good dad who DS adores. He doesn't pull his weight in any capacity. I can manage (just) financially without him and house is in my name.

I have been a lone parent for 8 years and the hardest was the first two years. Actually that is slightly untrue the hardest part is my ex suddenly appearing back on the scene after 8 years wanting to play super dad yet still telling the csa he is not the dad and cant afford to pay anyway.
If you can split amicably and share the care you may get the best of both worlds! You could still share the care and ideas and worries and love for your DS and have separate lives. Good luck with whatever you decide.

For me the thing that has changed the most about being a single parent is not being angry any more.
I used to come home to a huge pile of washing/dishes /general bomb site and I would be so angry that my lazy selfish ex hadn't bothered to tidy. Or angry that it was once again me who has to get up in the night with the kids, angry that I never ever got a lie in.