What do you do when your exp's new p is unreasonable/difficult?

[grrr]

I know i really shouldn't ring her. I know its not a good idea, i just need to hear it from you sensible ladies!

To cut a long story short, ds's dad has always been a bit useless with him (nice enough man, but useless). He's never set any time or day to see him on a regular basis depsite my requests. For a few months he will see him every week, then for a few weeks nothing.

He got married about two years ago and from day one his new wife and i just did not click. It seemed since he was dating her that he just had no interest in his son whatsoever and of course i got riled by that. His gf before that i got on very well with and we became good friends (still are) so i know its not me.

She is a pain in the butt basically and always has been. She knew he had a son well before she was dating him as his gf that i got on with was her best friend at the time. I know its true that she is unreasonable (not just his excuse) as when ive been shopping with him for say, a new pair of shoes for ds, she's been texting him all sorts of paranoid rubbish. Once he had to cancel a date with her as ds was having a very bad asthma attack and we were on our way to the hospital. She texted and texted him all the way there having a go at him because he was with me! (not because she didnt believe him, she knows how ill ds would get). To the point where i was worried enough about our son and threatened to throw his phone out of the window if he didnt switch it off, it was hassle i didn't need when i had my son gasping for breath in the seat behind me. Now there is no reason at all why she should think anything of us being in the same room. We've been seperated for over seven years now. But she doesnt like me ringing him, to discuss access arrangements or anything else. (I dont ring him for a chat, very rarely ring him at all, only when necessary.)

They recently split up and one day i rang him to ask if he was coming to see ds the next day, as he is living with a friend, he has to see ds here which is fine by me. He was at her house, looking after the child he has with her, she came storming into the room as soon as she knew it was me and started being abusive in the background, calling me names and swearing at me. I had no idea why! He told me later she had accused him of coming here and playing "happy families".

Why should i have to put up with this? I have no interest in him, he has none in me. There are plenty of other things that have happened but it would be a very long post.

Im a fair person and i dont like confrontation with anyone, especially when its not at all necessary but i have thought of ringing her and trying to sort this out because we both have a child with him. Of course, if i do that she will think ive rung her on his behalf and that something must be going on between us. I cant really win.

Basically, she knew before she even started dating him that he had a child and she cannot stand for him to even lay eyes on me. Its pathetic, immature and affecting his relationship with ds. I really dont want to get dragged into this playground stuff.

How should i approach this because im not having my son treated as second best just to keep this silly little paranoid girl happy?

Reg with a name change btw.

[bluejelly]

No time for a considered response, but she sounds really childish and jealous.. You and your ex h sound ten times more grown up. Can you both just ignore her behaviour as much as possible? Does your ds have to be affected by it, surely he doesn't see her much does he?

[BudaBabe]

If you are still friends with the previous girlfriend who is a friend of hers too could you ask her to have a chat?

[Carmenere]

Unfortunately this is between your ex and her. Maybe a conversation with him about how this rubbish makes you feel but generally I would steer well clear. I guarantee you it will do no good if you approach this woman yourself. She is quite obviously very silly and immature, hopefully time will ease the situation a bit.

[dublindee]

I'd speak to ex - steer clear of going to your friend as this is a family issue and it may give ex's ex (!) more reason to dislike you if she feels you're trying to get her friends on "your side".

Sometimes though people just WILL NOT see reason , no matter what you do, so be prepared to have no positive outcome. Hope you do get a good result tho!

[Caligula]

This is a very difficult one because if you say anything at all critical about her, you are likely to make xp dig his heels in and take her side. He might find her a PITA, but it's the last thing he's going to admit to you.

I would take the sympathetic view with xp - every time she plays up, make sympathetic and understanding noises about how he has to mollify her. Feeling that your ex is sympathetic and kind about you being henpecked, is the quickest way to turn a bloke off a woman. And when he sees you being reasonable and grown up and understanding, he will contrast it very unfavourable with her absurd behaviour. He may even tire of her.

Meanwhile, try finding a few nice women you can groom to be his bride and introduce them to him! (That's obviously not serious btw, but I'm just fantasising for you...)

[HappyMumof2]

OMG grrr. I am in exactly the same situation as you. It really is hell to stay so dignified and mature all the time when someone is behaving like a spoilt brat. I totally understand.
I have no advice for you, only empathy. I'm hoping time will help my situation, hopefully it will for you too.
Are there differences between how he treats the children?

My ex met his current gf whilst I was pregnant with dd (she knew I was pregnant) They are still together and he has 2 children with her (one 6 mths younger than dd - yes,really! - and one 2.5yrs younger) dd basically has no contact with him, other than a quick meeting in his lunch hour every few months, with his mother present, and behind gf's back

I have been there with the texting whilst your child is ill - dd was in hospital with menengitis and she was still on the phone making sarcastic remarks -

I think we should congratulate ourselves on being well rid of such weak willed, pathetic excuses for men

[Caligula]

Good lord HMo2.

I expect she'll be amazed when he dumps her for someone else.

And she couldn't even keep her mouth shut when your DD had meningitis? Jesus, some women really are very insecure. Because that's what all this difficult behaviour comes from - insecurity. Confident women don't behave like this.

[HappyMumof2]

I know, can you believe it. Actually took him 2 days to get to the hospital - for fear of upsetting her

I still get so on dd's behalf but tbh she's not missing out on much other than a pathetic excuse for a father

Well, as they say, what goes around, comes around

[grrr]

There are differences as to how he treats the children. She clicks her fingers and he's there, anything to please her. Its not because he's any more interested, its because he wants her back. Our son is treated like a guilty secret. Her children always come first (one is not his). The more she misbehaves, the less he sees his son. The man has no balls and she wants to pretend his family never existed. He tells me not to say anything back to her and just take the abuse, as its more hassle for him.