crying crying and more crying

[MySonIsMyWorld]

Just been told that ex has been seen in weather spoons alot with a "big gang" not heard/seen ex for 5 weeks, he hasnt even asked about ds or tried to make things right with us, i should be glad he has gone really but inside im dying and its killing me....ds is 22 months and beautiful and i dont understand why he doesnt care and why ex has gone back to his mums after falling out with her and telling everyone he wouldnt pee on her if she was on fire, my head is muggled.
He knows i cant just get someone else and move on because of ds, he knows i cant just move in with some other guy because i have ds to put first he also knows how much i love him even after all the shit he put me through, ive sent him 4 messages on facebook saying he needs to talk to me and come and see me to sort things out even if that just means sort acess for ds but no reply...but then i think why would he come back to us? hardly any rent at his mums, no nappies, no trantrums, no bills, all his wages, do what he wants when he wants....im ranting away because i dont really know what to say/do
I loved him so much and i thought his was me now, sorted, little house, little family, toddling along, but no....yet again he has gone.
Im sorry i dont make sense, im just hurting all over so much

You make a lot of sense lovely.Have you people in rl that you can rant to?You are feeling totally normal feelings, Anger sadness grief and loss, almost bereavment for the loss of the family that you thought you had. The pain can seem unbearable at times and that too is sadly very normal.The pain feels physical at times doesn't it? One way of trying to move from the pain is to work towards making the life you want for ds. Don't contact him it will feed is sense of value and that he can go back if he wants. Get professional help and lean on any support that you can to concentrate on making things good.It will not be the life you'd thought but it will be better and you really are deserving of better than the way he is treating you.

I am so sorry to hear about your break-up, that's rotten. Cjel talks a lot of sense, try and put down some markers to move on. When or if he's ready, he'll come and see his son but the most you can do is to perhaps send him a message to say that the door is open for him to see his son when he's ready but you're not going to pursue it.

Take good care of yourself though, your son needs his mum right now so if there's anyone you can turn to in RL for support and hugs, grab them

xxx

Big big big hugs to you. I went through it. I cried for years and all I can say is, I hear you, I feel for you. But cjel speaks a lot of sense. Speaking to him will make you feel worse. These men who behave this way are lower than low. They don't deserve a single tear, but cry for the life you thought you were gonna have. But don't give up, you can still have your happily ever after, but with someone else.

Find someone to speak to. Don't hold it in. Go out, even when you don't feel like it. And slowly, you'll be able to function and think and smile again. Take pleasure in your little one, and remember you're doing an awesome job.

Thank you all, today has been such a low day. I'm not contact him again, ive told him all he has to do is come and speak to me face to face, he hasnt replied to my messages (facebook messages) anyway so.... kind of glad he hasnt because im worried what he will put, he has added some of his ex's and girls he was supose to have cheated on me with on his facebook which pisses me off..... Tomorrow im going to focus on me and ds like suggested, i feel like running away, i saw his mate in tesco today and had to flee tesco and my heart was racing for some strange strange reason, its only his mate but i knew he would be out with him and stuff..
I have some people around me who for the past 5 weeks ive ranted none stop to and they have been great, ex didnt treat me very well and i dont think they understand why i care so much for a man who treated me like shit. The truth is, i still love him, i love him with all my heart but he punched the tv through infront of my son because he got angry because ds woke up at 4.30am and he had to go to work, i threw him out and then 2 days later let him stay because he had no where else, he promised he would change etc he managed 2 days then was talking to me like shit again calling me a cunt, YES i am a women and im a pain in the ass sometimes however i am not a cunt and my 22 month old son doesnt need to hear his mummy being called a cunt - ranting shit again i know sorry.
I am hurting so much inside, its kind of a empty pain, a loss. I shouldnt care i realy shouldnt.... but i do and he doesnt care about us - yet again im the one chasing him! :( it only stops hurting when im asleep.

my ex was abusive as well and I don't know why my heart still breaks for him when I hear sad things about his life.hope you get the peace and hapiness you deserve.

Thank you, its because we are genuine nice people i think not bitter and nasty just nice ..

I think you are nice too, thats the reason we get caught up with them isn't it. Not again for me though how bout you?

nope!!!!! never!

Hi just wanted to let you know I'm going through almost exactly the same thing. I am 2 weeks in and my ex dh isn't making any effort re contact to seeing his son although has said he will see him at the end of the month..
Hurts that he doesn't want to be with me anymore and he doesn't want to be a family and like you I can't blame him for wanting the single life over Nappies, tantrums,etc.
I know that I will/can only try and do the best for my 2 year old ds

mummytasha - keep strong sweet! its so hard isnt it, making ends meet and trying to be strong for ds! Ex keeps stealing pictures of my son off my sisters facebook and putting them on his profile which is really pissing me off as its 5 weeks today and there has been no contact what so ever not even a "hows ds" he also going out all the time with his mates and his druggie dad probs on drugs again..... it hurts so much inside

How's today been for you?

vile - how about you?

You so sound like you and your DS will be much better off without such an immature and nasty man.

You still feel for this rotter because you are in love with the man you thought he was not who he has shown himself to really be It hurts to let go of the dream you had for your family and future. But it will pass. And then your future is much much brighter without such a loser in your life.

Oh and don't forget to get in touch with the CSA.

Sorry you feel bad today

Myson you have had a lucky escape from this vile man. Your son would be better off having as limited contact as possible - IF his father chooses to pursue it. You need a court order. If he wants to see your son, you need to insist that he applies through the court.

You say and suggest that your ex is a drug-user or certainly has been in the past. Have you taken/do you take drugs? Cannabis? You must do your utmost to stop and to put all your obvious energy faith and drive into pursuing a clean happy and fun life for both yourself and your little boy.

Can you try your best to disengage emotionally from your ex? Delete your facebook account or unfriend him and change your privacy settings so that he cannot access your account.

Have you applied for maintenance for your son? Does your ex work? You can apply for Child Support : www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/how-to-apply and you really should make a claim even if he is not working at the moment.

Five weeks with no contact but pasting himself all over FB is crap. You must try to summon all your strength now, be there 150% for your son, and put all thoughts of any 'love' you believe you still have for this shitty man, out of your head.

See your GP and get yourself on a waiting list for some counselling and also, depending on wher you live, see if you can get onto a local Pattern Changing (Women's Aid) course or the Freedom Programme : www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to try and get help with thinking that you only deserve to be treated like shite by someone like this and yet still go back/hope for for more from him.

This man does not love you or his child, he is barely out of nappies himself it seems. Knob. You will have a happier life without him dragging his knuckles along the ground around you.

Hi all sorry ive been abit slack latley on the replying front, been a eventful weekend. Ex has messaged me on facebook asking when he can come talk to me face to face about acess etc etc told him sunday at 7.30pm but half of me doesnt want to see him if im honest but i want to hear what he has to say so tomorrow at 7.30 when ds is in bed he is suppose to be coming.
I am going to say he needs to apply through court to see ds, im not letting him walk back into his life just like that. No i dont take/do drugs never have and never will, he was smoking cannabis when i met him and i am almost certain will be doing it again now he gone.
Summoning my strengh for tomorrow night when i see him, i hope i dont go to shit and i hope i can keep it together! I'm going to listen to what he says tomorrow, im not going to say anything pretty much i want to hear the shit he wants to say but i have to be strong..... i have to be, i cant be treated like shit again!!!

Good on you MyWorld. Don't cave now, hold out for a better life, being treated with respect, and maintaining your self-respect. You'll be much happier in the long-term without this loser in your life.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow eve and sending strengthening vibes your way

I wish you luck in meeting him this evening, but I strongly suggest you do NOT meet with him alone, or at least not in your home. He has shown he can be violent and angry and you should not put yourself or your son at any risk whatsoever.

Please please can you arrange for a friend or family member to be with you when you meet him, or can you arrange for somebody to babysit ds while you meet him, again with a friend or family member, somewhere neutral - you may need to pull the appointment forward a little today, to meet him in, say a coffee shop where other people are around.

You have to show him that you mean business and will not allow yourself or your young child to be bullied or fucked around by this waster, a moment longer.

He has a right to see his child and access is to be striven for, but only if you can be sure that your son will be safe, well cared for and not exposed to drugs while he is in your ex's care.

Have you contacted Women's Aid at all? They are good at offering advice and support. 0808 2000 247 is the Women's Aid free phone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline.

Summon all your resources when you do meet him. The relationship is finished. He has failed to contact his son for well over a month, he has been parading his exes all over FB, has provided no material support for you or his son and has proved to you now and in the past that he has little regard for you at all.

Keep the meeting short and force it to stay focused even if this is difficult - do not let it stray into blaming or shaming, do not ask him what he's been doing or why he has treated you like this. Stick to the point: access re your son, and financial support for his child and family bills etc.

Do try and call Women's Aid today on the freephone number, to see whether it might be in order, given his volatility and drug use, to arrange court-ordered access only. Thinking of you.

Hi All
Good news i got a message from ex at 3.50am this morning from his mobile telling me that 7.30pm was too late for him as he has work the next day when i know for a fact he doesnt go to bed untill 11pm, i know this because i spent 3 years with the twat. Anyway told him in short version that i was over and he has blown his last chance of everything and then deacrivated my facebook account, getting stronger everyday!!!! How are you all? x

hahaha I have had to laugh at that! What a gal you are! Power to you. Just a shame you couldn't get in first and say you couldn't do 7.30 as you had to wash your hair.

So has he re-scheduled? Perfect. This is Good.

Seriously, it is a good thing you didn't meet him. Please make sure you keep all his messages - if that was passed on via facebook then re-activate and print the page with the message on it out.

Then deactivate again.

Stay strong and vigilant - as he may have been advised by his mother/anyone else, that he needs to see a solicitor first and make allegations or draw up a plan.
Or he may not. He may just be a lazy arse.

Do not agree to meet him again unless under the same terms as advised below. Neutral ground and/or with a friend or family member with you.

Ring Women's Aid in the morning and schedule a free half hour with at least two sols - you can ring local solicitors and ask if they do the free half hour before going to see them. Make a list of questions to ask and if you need to, write down the situation so you don't waste time getting tearful and upset.

Remain stoic and bloody.

Hahaha.. rang for some legal advice now i need to decide what step im taking when i get my advice when someone eventually rings me back

Ex has posted on his facebook "Why are people so immature all i want to do is sort stuff out and see my son" and a girl who he has "seen" in the past has commented "she will get whats coming to her for being so mean" mean i will get whats coming to me, he has ob been telling everyone ive stopped him seeing DS when in actual fact i havent, he hasnt tried to see DS once in 6 weeks! I told him he could come and see me face to face for a talk on sunday and he told he its was too late for him to come around, that was his only chance so hey ho there you go. My friend has also looked on his facebook and he has been out ALOT getting drunk with his mates, he never did this when he was at home with us, he used to tell me he liked staying in with me and ds and he liked the way we didnt get pissed all the time, now he is hanging around with druggies and getting pissed, one post was on about going to manchester and getting really really drunk with lots of vodka at the start of this month, i hate the fact he has been telling people i have stopped him seeing my son, i hate the fact people believe him and that so many people are falling for his shit. He has also stolen pictures of my son of my sisters facebook and put them in a album called "my boy" which annoys me, if he was "his boy" surley in 6 weeks he would be making more of a effort to see him other than 2 facebook messages to me.....

I'm going down the legal route now, to ensure ex doesnt get ds if anything happens to me. Feel sick and hurt inside, i cant have him back now not matter what, this is deffo the end! Bring on tomorrow! x

Nothing is going to happen to you. Apart from Happiness.

Insist that your sister de-friends this loser.

Forget what he is telling people. It means jack-shit.

What he is doing.. whether it's getting pissed in Manchester, getting in touch with ex birds or going round mawkishly moaning on to anyone who will listen about what a cow you are to deny him his son is...well, it's just bull isn't it.

And if he's hanging out with a crowd as dumb as to listen and believe (ie a pissed up twunt in manchester missing out on seeing his lad) this idiot, then long may it continue!

Because you will have overtaken him at the speed of sound by the time he's cleared up his self-pitying vomit, washed a pair of pants in the sink, made himself a drunken boiled egg and got round to thinking about Real Life and the fuck-up he's making of it.

his loss. His fault. His problem.

Thanks for your reply unlikley, made me smile and feel more positive about things. Your right!
One day at a time, one step at a time. Hope your alright x