would you let your 14 year old???

[belleshell]

My DS lives with his dad and partner, not because we dont get on we have a fantastic realtionship but i needed to move closer to my friends and family for support following divorce and a chronic health condition, and DS wanted to stay at his school.

Anyway DS and his father have a fragile relationship, basically DS is left to his own devices something i absolutely do not agree with...

tonight i have rang, eXH is in work until half 9 his STBW is in work too (DS DOesnt get on with her at all but she is responsible i think!!!) which means DS is home alone..... we are having sericous issues with him not eating and he really has body issues...

so i guess my question is would you leave your 14 year old in the house alone until 9.30pm??

thanks for replies in advance, becauseim unsure if i am been unreasonable and over protective or if i have the right to be fuming like i am!!!

I don't have s 14 year old, but I can't see the problem.9.30 isn't really late. Though I don't understand what you mean by body issues.
Sorry, I'm not helpful.

To be honest, yes, I might if it wasn't every night. My nearly 14 year old would probably be delighted at having the house to herself. She is very mature and sensible though and would make herself a meal, do her homework and then watch Mythbusters all evening.

Yes, it wouldnt bother me at all.

I am a LP and often leave DS1 (14) and DS2 (12) at home rather than drag them out if they dont want to go. On sunday I picked them up from their dads at lunchtime. He had gone out in the morning and left them in bed as they didnt want to go with him and he didnt see the point in dragging them out early to be dropped off at mine. Not really a problem for me

thanks all, Deskplanner, im concerned because he tells me is fat,and lives off fizzy pop because he doesnt want to be fat, when he is here we eat sensible meals ( i try with the veg or salad and fruit!!!) there his dad buys all convienance melas so DS is avoiding them too..........just another worry.
Guess i need to let this one go!!!

If they were responsible, then yes, I don't think I'd have a problem with 9.30.

Occasionally it's fine i'd say, however if it happens a lot and means he regularly doesn't get a proper meal i wouldn't be happy.

Yes. I'm a single parent and I don't hesitate to leave my 14yo DS alone anytime, except not yet overnight. He babysits his younger sister (10) when I go out, which is a lot later than 9.30. Obviously depends on how sensible your DS is - I guess some might not be trustworthy at that age.

Oops, x posted..
By 'fizzy pop' do you mean energy drinks by any chance?

Yes JellyKat the dreaded bloody energy drinks..........

thank you all again, i never know ifi ts just his attitude that winds me up (EXH not DS) or if its because im not there and its the whole mothers guilt thing....

Just to add, I think the food thing is another issue - but would he eat any better if your ex was there? Obviously there are more complicated issues going on, as most 14yo boys are not worried about getting fat. Whenever I have 14yo boys in the house all the food mysteriously disappears. Can you have a calm discussion with your ex about having suitable food around that your DS will eat?

exexpat your right it is definatley another issue, and i have tried talking to exH, and also his partner, she told me my DS is the fussiest child she as ever met...didt sit very well with me, and exH thinks he is buying decent food!!! I just have to accept exH doesnt and never will parent like me, and i cant change it......which is tough

Well i have a just 15 yr old, he always had 'body issues', was bigger then most kids his age, and his brother- who's stick thin.. but it really really started getting to him when he hit his teens and became even more body conscious.

A lot of them have Energy drinks these days, it's the 'in' thing at DSs school. Trouble is because they contain caffeine, it tends to go hand in hand with skipping lunch, then having a 'come down' followed by filling up on crap snaking.. Constant Pizzas etc aren't going to help.
So i can see where your worries are coming from.. thankfully my DS finally grasped what i'm saying, avoids those drinks and eats properly now (and dare i say it its making a helluva difference weight wise).

You've got a problem if his dad won't back you up though.. Have you talked to your DS about any of this and does he get it? Can you get hold of any written research to back up your theory i wonder..