What made you leave, and was/is single parenthood what you thought?

[BubblegumPie]

I am considering splitting with my husband. We haven't been happy in a long time and I really think we should call it a day. However, he's a good man and a good father and although I can't see the relationship working I feel as though I'm giving up too easily and that this is selfish.

Did you feel like something big had to happen for you to justify a split?

Also I would hope that we would be able to part on amicable terms and split childcare 50/50 (DD is 2) but I wonder how realistic this would be in the long term.

If you planned on a dignified, trauma free separation did you get it? Is it even possible?

What are your reasons for wanting to leave??? There must be something that is making you feel this way!!! It isn't easy and I have just gone through it, it took me 2 years where it was really going down hill and no matter what I did to improve things it didn't, so I took the plunge and I called it a day. Now I know all my gut instincts and feelings why it felt so wrong the relationship that is were right.... He was seeing someone else. I thought it was just us both at first but if you look deeper there is always a reason why you feel the way you do. You can get an amicable split as long as you both feel its what you both feel is right but no man will leave one relationship without having someone to go to, that is my experience and my opinion as there are lots of men that lurk and post on here.. You remain dignified through out and you will find yourself uttering the words I want to leave you, or split up or whatever you say and you will not feel a thing, trust me when the time is right and you have truly had enough it doesn't hurt as much as you think it does. Hope this helps, good luck my lovely xx

i left after 2 years of loosing my marriage, im not sure who changed in those two years me or both of us, but by the time we split i didnt know him and i found out unconditional love from his family didnt exisit.

we had a little tiff over going to look for a new car!! it was obviously more than that..... after spending that after noon with friends telling them just how pissed of i was AGAIN, i went home, and just blurted out, this isnt working, he asked was i saying it was over and despite my head wanting to say know ( for all the normal reasons the kids, the family etc) my heart won, and i found the words yes its over coming out of my mouth.......... it did get nasty for a while, and now i wonder what the hell did i ever see in him, i feel my whole marriage was a sham, maybe even a lie, and i spent 17 years living 100 miles away form all my friends and family, thinking that one day we would all move closer as a family..........i was told just before we split it was never gonna happen!!!! more lies.......

good luck with whatever you decide, one think i will say is if you cant make it work try really try if not go live your life........i loved been married just not to my ExH

Yes there are reasons, he cheated while I was pregnant and abandoned me during the birth among other things, but mainly we got together very quickly and we didn't realise how incompatible we are till I was pregnant.

Over the past two and a halfish years things have slowly gotten worse and I am finding living like this unbearable. We don't love each other and half the time we don't even like each other.

I think it's true that two happy homes are better than one unhappy one as far as children are concerned and I want to give DD the best life I can. Seeing her parents bicker constantly and never show any affection for each other is not setting her up to have healthy relationships of her own in the future.

I'm not getting what I need or want from this relationship and I'm sure he isn't either, it's not a healthy emotional environment and I think that all three of us deserve better.

Haven't told him any of this yet though

yes you do deserve better, i told exh i didnt love him and i couldnt be selifish enough to stay for the sake of the kids, because we all deserved to be happy

Thanks Belle It's a scary thought though. Starting out on my own.

I've been looking on gingerbread at the advice pages and there's so much to think about! I also feel really awful for sort of plotting to leave him behind his back.

It is very scary, but you will go through a rollercoaster ride of emotions, I still am, I find I am a lot less scared, and emotional if I don't have the odd glass of wine, that always makes me feel worse the next day, must make a note to stop doing that, but it is my only vice!!!. Saying that a friend of mine is popping round tonight for a bitch about my exh, which will do me good. You will be ok and your true friends will rally around you as that's what sisterhood is all about but hey there are some not so sisterly women out there who take our stupid EXH from under our noses, the OW in my case is welcome to the financially controlling crap in bed tosser,there I have done it ranted in public.

Hey BubblegumPie.
It's really hard. i would recommend if at all possible that you try counselling before you separate. It won't necessarily make it all better, but it might, and if it doesn't then at least you will feel that you really tried every avenue to remain a family.
Being a single parent is difficult. Co-parenting (I split childcare 50%) is, for me, extremely difficult, still, after 4 years. i hate my DS not being home with me. If you can make it work as a family, that the best case for all of you. But if you don't love each other, then i personally feel that separating is the right thing to do - for all the reasons you have given.
My Ex has gone on to have a very happy relationship, my DS loves his step-mum. My child is very happy and that's the most important thing.
good luck whatever you choose to do.