Highs&lows of being a single parent-tell it to me straight!

[Moodymoth]

About to become a single parent in the coming weeks depending on how long it takes for me to sort it out.

What are the highs& lows?
How do you get through the first stage?

My situation would mean moving house and I am scared. Really scared I might not be strong enough to leave or cope if I do. I dont have savings&im very overwhelmed with everything. Am going to ring women's aid/gingerbread but waiting til the 22nd as im bk in work from mat leave&can make the call in peace. Sorry turned into a wobble rather than a few questions

Moody - the fact that you have made the decision to leave means you will be strong enough. You must be able to reach out to people you trust to support you though - I learned this the hard way. There will be very lonely times (there was for me anyway) and you need your family and friends to talk you through them.

Its ok to have doubts and wobble. Its bloody hard but your confidence will come from taking that first step. Good luck - you will get some more practical advice from other posters Im sure

In my case the highs far outweighed the lows. Best things: being in control, independence, answering to nobody, I think my kids and I are a lot closer than we would have been otherwise too.
Downsides - it's crap when you or the dc are ill. It can be hard not having another grown up to talk to.
It can be lonely in the evenings or when the dc are with heir dad but you can build up your social life again when they aren't around.
I was very happy as a single mum and I think I did an ok job

Highs - the PEACE!! Having a tidy house that stays tidy. Having my home the way I want. Escaping an unpleasant relationship (lots of highs linked to that). Doing what WE want to do at the weekends :-D

Lows - illness - especially if you and the DC are ill at the same time!!! (but you get through it). Feeling tired a lot of the time (but having said that, I don't think this was any different before)

The first bit (we moved too) is quite stressful, but it all goes at a rate of knots. Rope in all the help you can. Having children does mean you just have to keep going and get on with things. It's only really when you look back you think - wow, how did I manage that!

The highs FAR outweigh the lows!

Good luck.

The highs: I can watch what I want, when I want. I don't have I to watch his shit on TV. I can have to house how I want. I dint have his stinky shoes/feet. I don't have his negative attitude impacting on my mental health. I know that yd I have rules in the house, he won't undermine them (not that he doesn't try to from outside). I have the whole bed to myself. I can relax in the bath for as many hours as I like. I can spend my free time how I like, without him moaning that if I loved him I'd spend time with him [Hmm] ...I could go on.

Lows: sometimes I get lonely and would love a hug. He bad mouths me to the DC, although only since he got a gf. I can't move on as I'm putting the kids first whereas he planned a baby 6 weeks in to a new relationship. If I'm ill, tough luck. If he's ill, he doesn't turn up, sometimes he deigns to inform us. Actually that's no different to when we were together.

The highs massively outweigh the lows.
You can do it, and we're all here for support x

Good for you!
Highs: clean house that stays clean and doesnt get messy when dp is downstairs on his own, no smelly shoes, no atmosphere in the house, no one calling you a fucking cunt, no one sitting on there arses all day while you struggle with dc
Lows: Lonley at night, i overthink everything and make myself upset, hardly any money, when dc are ill its harder work

Good luck you can do it, its actually better alone!

I have to say the highs- Knowing what a marvellous job you are doing of bring up your child

The lows-sometimes just the sheer relentless daily grind, at times it would be nice for someone to help you once in a while, money can be an issue at times as well

Good luck you will be fine

Lows -
Garden needs tidying and it's so cold and there is no one else that will do it for me (bin blew over - wind threw contents around = garden looks like tramps live in it)
Operations and the DC - no one else to share the incredible worry

Highs - EVERYTHING ELSE - I love it. Wouldn't change it and can see why Helena Bonham Carter keeps two houses, one for her, one for Mr Bonham Carter.

Highs - Having your own space, being able to run the household the way you want, special times with the kids, having a break when they go to their dads to catch up with jobs and have a social life. For me, escaping the negativity of my marriage and rediscovering who I am has been a real positive.

Lows - evenings can be lonely, miss the dcs when they're at their dads, working and bringing up kids and looking after a house is hard work!

Getting through the first few weeks: Get as much support as you can: friends, family, professionals - you don't have to do this on your own. Get as much advice as you can - Citizen's advice is always a good starting point. Try and get into routines and write everything down as you're emotions will be all over the place and you are bound to forget things.

Good luck x

Goodluck Moodymoth.

Telling you the highs and lows won't really help. It's so individual in every family, depending on your network of friends, why you guys split, etc, etc.

You'll be ok. There's a lot of support out there if you access it. Don't hesitate to ask friends for help, even if it feels demeaning. It's important to reach out. And make sure to take care of you.

Lots of love and positivity xxx

If your relationship is bad enough that your ending it you will find that 99% of the time it's actually easier without some great lummox criticising you and making obstacles where they needn't be.

Moving house at the same time is stressful but actually a great idea. It really draws a line under the whole thing, you have to separate your stuff and its YOUR house ( didn't stop my ex waltzing straight in without knocking the first time he came to visit dd and opening cupboards and fridge!) also means they don't have excuse to turn up drunk at 3 in the morning demanding bulky items of furniture they have no means to transport and a particular tshirt the suddenly urgently need!

Downside for me, my ex turned pyscho and started smashing my new house up, dealing with ex in laws is uncomfortable but improving, ran up a credit card putting deposit down/ covering rent / replacing furniture/ hiring van.

Being ill on Mother's Day/ my birthday but that would have sucked no matter what and actually the last time I fell I'll and asked arse face to watch her I found her playing with an extension cable.

Yy to asking for help, often people really want to help but are scared you will feel that they don't think you can cope.

Don't worry, we're all here for you if the long ( un idiot accompanied evenings get you down)

highs - being empowered and in charge, not having to compromise, having a close relationship with your children but completely child free time, too, being motivated to become a high achiever because as resident parent you are the main role model, and to provide a good standard of living for them, being able to say ' I did that', really appreciating small things in a hectic life, making yourself take on challenges like camping, studying
lows - spiders and lightbulbs

Highs far outweigh lows imo.

It's hard work but I know what I have to do and just get stuck in. The resentment and seething fury of living with a lazy entitled man- child is gone. That was the main exhausting factor previously.

I am not unhappy anymore, it's just peaceful, no one arguing about every last insignificant detail to do with raising our dc.

I can't really think of any lows, not to do with dc anyway.

For myself I would like some companionship. Someone who is happy with the odd meal or weekend away. It's unlikely to ever happen though and I have made my peace with that.

Myson - join the effing cunt club it's good here.

Highs - not having the lovely experience of dc soured by a horrid relationship pretty much covers it,

Lows - the responsibility of caring and paying for dc is do big and feels a bit bleak and scary sometimes

Highs: not having a controlling man to answer to i.e. making our own decisions;
running our life the way WE choose;
learning uber independence enhances our self-esteem;
developing our character i.e. becoming a stronger person.

Lows: the sheer COST of it;
not having adult conversation indoors;
the lack of 'free' childcare.

Think that's it really.