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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How do I broach subject of maintenance?

16 replies

WhatKindofFool · 11/03/2013 14:46

Father of my kids has 2 other children from another previous relationship. As he had 5 children who he was paying maintenance for, I had to share the maintenance payments with his other Ex partner. His 2 other kids have grown up. One is at Uni but is over 19. I understand that all the maintenance should now be paid to me as he is not liable for maintenance to his grown up children.
I have mentioned this to him and he says that if I start being awkward about maintenance then he will simply stop seeing his children.
He has told me what he earns but unless I see his payslips I will not know if he is telling the truth. Even if he is telling the truth, he still owes me about £100 per month more than he is paying me (in my estimation).
What do I do?

OP posts:

ina75 · 11/03/2013 15:01

If you can't agree on an amount, I believe the only way to make him pay is CSA.. but sometimes that doesn't work (e.g. if he's self-employed or out of work).

Snowme · 12/03/2013 11:40

Be satisfied with what you already have? Rocking the boat will not swing things in your favour and the CSA are not useful.

My children's father earns thousands selling online yet claims benefits and pays only £2.50 a child per week.
CSA have been notified of this but haven't chased it up.

JaquelineHyde · 12/03/2013 11:45

If he won't pay you an amount you both agree on and has resulted to threatening his relationship with his child then you have no choice but to go to the CSA.

However, this is not an easy option and may not turn out how you want it to.

Snorbs · 12/03/2013 11:46

I have mentioned this to him and he says that if I start being awkward about maintenance then he will simply stop seeing his children.

Wow. What an utter arsehole. You are not being "awkward" in expecting him to step up to his moral and legal duty to provide maintenance for his children. To threaten to abandon his children if you point out his obligations is the action of a total shit.

If he's a company employee and not a director or anything then go to the CSA. It helps if you know his employer's name or his NI number but they should be able to track him down based on his name and address. They're not fast but your claim will be backdated to when they contact him so the sooner the better.

If he's self-employed then, unfortunately, the CSA will likely do cock-all of any use.

AmberLeaf · 12/03/2013 11:49

he says that if I start being awkward about maintenance then he will simply stop seeing his children

He will still have to pay though.

CSA if he is employed.

What is his relationship with the children like? is he generally committed? do you think he would carry put his threat?

Original poster

WhatKindofFool · 12/03/2013 16:00

Snorbs He is a co-director of a company but he pays himself a salary. I've worked out that he owes me more money based on the amount he claims to earn. I have no idea if he takes dividends but I think I will have to ignore any income from that.

Amberleaf Is he commited? Well, he sees them less than he used to and is never flexible about having them. Every 2 weeks he will let them stay for the weekend but he never shows any interest in their education etc. and does not have them extra in the school holidays. He does the minimum. I suppose I am lucky as some fathers do not bother with their kids at all.

I don't think he would carry out his threat as he is not so stupid or heartless to want to completely ruin his relationship with his children. However, he could become more awkward like cancelling their visits more often such as when he wants to go away for the weekend, etc.

I'll see if we can reach a compromise. I just think that saying that he won't see the kids is a bully tactic and it makes me mad.

OP posts:

Losingexcessweight · 15/03/2013 15:57

The csa take dividends into account.

Its a tricky situation.

Do you really need the extra money? If not, is it worth the hassle of the csa?

MsNobodyAgain · 15/03/2013 16:24

I'd be tempted to leave it if you don't need the extra money.

My ex is a co-director of a company. He stopped paying maintenance of £150 a week in January (we have 3 children, 2 disabled). The initial assessment from the CSA has awarded me £30 per week as the first assessment does not take dividends into account. This won't even go into my bank account until April.

I've had to apply for a variation, send all manner of stuff in (old bank statements, evidence of historic dividend payments, etc). It's now stuck in a backlog and if he chooses not to play ball, I'll be without money for a heck of a long time.

MsNobodyAgain · 15/03/2013 16:27

You'd be surprised. I never thought my ex would stop seeing his children. He did.

I never thought he would stop paying maintenance. He did.

Be careful. I hope it works out for you whatever you decide to do.

Original poster

WhatKindofFool · 15/03/2013 21:35

Thanks for the advice everyone. I won't involve the CSA because it is not worth it. However, it is a matter of principle to me that he should pay up! He now says that his step children who live with him should be taken into account in the calculation. I don't know whether he is correct but it seems to me that he can pay less just because he chooses to live with another woman who has someone else's children. I can't understand why he should have any financial responsibility towards them, especially as their father already pays maintenance.

Ho hum.

OP posts:

Losingexcessweight · 16/03/2013 07:12

Op your ex is right about the step children taken into account even tho maintenance is already been paid by their father.

Thats how csa work im afraid

minkembra · 16/03/2013 11:09

Op i have a similar situation and i am going to go to the CSa . no choice as ex pays his previous partner through them.

Him seriously do you need to take your ex'sthreat to stop seeing kids i.e. is he earth it as a father if he says this. i would very inclined to call his bluff but natbe that is just me.

He is right about step kids though.

minkembra · 16/03/2013 11:32

Is it likely to make matters worse if you to CSa, financially that is?
If not i would go to CSa. why should he get away with using the threat of not seeing his kids to not give them money they are entitled to?

So i would check your sums and uf there us a possibility it Will work out better or uf not then at least no worse, i would give him last chance to be reasonable and then go.

Otherwise what is to stop him using same threat to cut what he pays further?

Original poster

WhatKindofFool · 16/03/2013 16:30

I'm not entitled to any more than I get because of the step kids. It seems ridiculous that a father has less responsibility to his own children because he chooses to live with someone else's!

OP posts:

NeverBeenToMe · 16/03/2013 16:47

I am in a similar position - ex pays absolute minimum he can get away with, whilst renting a house and a beachside apartment, running two high end cars etc. He is self employed though - and I know how he makes it look as though he isnt earning much - and I know if I rock the boat, or report him, then I may end up with less than I currently get. Pisses me off big time that he gets to lead a life of Riley whilst I'm in a house with not enough bedrooms for OUR kids.

Original poster

WhatKindofFool · 16/03/2013 17:27

Yes, I know what you mean, Never. It is galling that my kids tell me that we live in a crap house and that Daddy's is "much nicer".

OP posts:

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