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Lone parents

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Original poster

having a "down" day

4 replies

MySonIsMyWorld · 11/03/2013 10:35

Having a really down day today. Its been 4 weeks and 4 days since exdp left, not that im counting Blush and im surre he has a new missus already. I've had no contact from him what so ever, he has joined facebook and ive messaged him on the 20th feb telling him if he wanted to sort things he has to come and see me face to face but no reply, he has stolen pictures of our son and used them as his cover picture which annoys me seen as he hasnt even asked about ds! Never mind seen him. We were together 3 years have a 22 month old ds who was planned and this is the first time ive ended it (because he punched through the tv infront of ds) and he hasnt even bothered - i just feel really down that he hasnt tried to come home or see ds, i know he has been out at the weekends with his mates because people have told me but apart from that i dont really know where he is etc.... im struggling so much with money, he worked and i stayed at home so now im on benefits struggling my ass off while he has his 1600 wage packet with a job my mother got him!!!!!!!!!

I do miss him, i even miss the fact he isnt here to call me a fucking cunt or a prick or stupid, how silly does that sound? He is a horrible man and we are better off without him but i cant help it i really want him to want to come home even if i just say no then i know he has tried and maybe he did love me... im ranting, sorry!

I love him so so much and he just goes and doesnt even try. DS hasnt even noticed he has gone, shows how much he did with us doesnt it, i know he isnt at work today, its his day off and i know he would just be lay in bed untill 1pm anyway but all i have ever wanted was a nice family and now i feel like its fallen apart.....

:(

OP posts:
Nat38 · 11/03/2013 17:15

Are you sure you are claiming everything you can to make your financial life a bit easier to bear??
Am so sorry you feel like this over some one who is not worth it!
Have you friends & family you can arrange meet ups with to keep you occupied to hopefully keep your mind off your loneliness?

Piemother · 11/03/2013 20:20

Delete him and ring the CSA. This is what they are for. Time to get tough love meant in the best possible way.

betterthanever · 11/03/2013 20:28

You have done the right thing and each day things will get easier but by concentrating on you and your DS and how (without him) you can make your lives happier. Well done for making the first step it will feel horrible and scary but after winter comes spring and then summer.
I would break your life up into sections and look at each one.. this is just an idea how to group but it is however works for you:

  1. Money: have you sought advice on this? have you contact the CSA about maintenance as I take it your ex is paying nothing?
  2. Safety - this probably should be number one - your ex has been violent and verbally abusive at the very least. Any contact with your DS needs to ensure your safety (you and your DS). To help with contact arrangements in the future please keep a note of all communications between you even if one way from you starting from the day he punched the TV through - did you report this to the police? please report and further violence. Speak to Women's Aid about any matter concerning your life.
  3. Keep in touch with family and friends and I am sure your mum will help you with childcare so you can have breaks and time for yourself.
  4. The best of your life is yet to come you can help shape it and just because this relationship has broken down doesn't mean you will never have that family you wished for one thing I think is certain if you were to stay with him you would not have had that happy family you wished for - you have done the right things and things will not be as you want them overnight but if you make a tiny improvement every day things will improve. It is usually then they want to come back and you have to be very strong.
Good luck.
Original poster
MySonIsMyWorld · 11/03/2013 21:54

Ive checked what benefits im entitled to and i get them all but still struggling :( i;m trying to keep busy but its hard to do stuff with ds when weather yuk and things cost so much.
betterthanever:-

  1. id end up loosing money if i went through csa si my thing is if he cant be bothered seeing his son then he can keep his money
  2. yes reported to police, if ds was to see ex then it would be at my house only under my supervision
  3. my mum works and is hardly ever around she also smokes weed and cant be trusted

I doubt he will want to come back, its been 4 weeks and no contact so i highly doubt it, i do think he is loving it, back at his mums with 1600 a month to play with!

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