Ex-tosser has decided he only wants visits from the children separately from now on.

[MrsPotatoHead]

And it will eventually turn out to be only ds, ever, because dd being younger and a girl, is too much like hard work.
He's managed to sell it to ds as a great idea, 'quality time' with each of them separately, but the fact is , ds is prepared to spend all day hanging out with him and his gruesome cronies, drinking coffee and playing on the computer and eating curry, whereas dd needs a bit more effort put in - parenting basically.
She's now said she doesn't want to go there any more, he doesn't take any notice of her and just tells her off (she plays up, obviously, because he doesn't bother with her).
Added bonus for him - means I'll never get a minute's break, which puts the kybosh on my love life, as unlike him I don't have lovers/potential lovers/hangers on around my kids.
He's been having them for access visits less than six months, and he's copping out already. Every time I think I couldn't despise him more, he pulls out another stonker. I'm so angry and sad for dd that for the first time since we split i've said stuff I shouldn't against him in front of them.

Hang on, he hasn't actually said that he doesn't want to have his daughter, just that he wants to see her on a different weekend to her brother. I don't think it's a very good idea and will be very confusing for the children, but I think you have to question your reaction to this - ie are you angry because you can't have free time, or are you genuinly concerned about your daughter's welfare. How do you know that the situation won't improve if he spends some one on one time with her? And why do you beleive her when she tells you that her dad is horrible to her? She probably complains to him about you. I think you need to assume he has the childrens' best interests at heart and then try and work out a compromise with him.

I second that caligula
There should be a diploma in how to deal with difficult exes

I think it's best to assume that Mrs PH is "genuinely concerned" about her dd's welfare, rather than being oh so selfish as to actually aspire to having some free time. I also think people assume things about people going on their track record. As Mr PH's track record is not good, by the sounds of it, it's prefectly reasonable to assume that he doesn't have his dd's welfare at the top of his mind.

Unless of course, he agrees that he'd like to have her on her own for at least the same amount of time as he has his DS so that he can work on his relationship with her.

If she doesn't like going there, it will be doubly miserable for her to go without her brother.

AND OTTO - isnt she entitled to a bit of free time too ???

it certainly doesnt mean she loves her children any less but unless you are a single parent, you cant appreciate how difficult & stressful it can be

and if you are a single parent, again, isnt MrsPH entitled to a little time to herself

I see from previous posts that you are a step mum so prob feel you have to stick up for Mr PH but he seems to be consistent in his selfishness

Well I'm a step-mum and I think it's a bit odd to want to see them separately. I know that if my dh had 2 children he would want to see them both, together and as much as possible.

Thanks for all the support. I've just had him being such an arse on the phone that I've had to unplug it.
It really isn't about me getting a break, it's that I know 'quality time' with them individually will just be a slippery slope to dd hardly going at all, because she's harder work. This is the man who spent week nights at his mums when they were babies, because he needed his sleep. [bitter]

I bet he knows perfectly well that he's putting the kybosh on your love life though.

Can you leave your children with a member of your family from time to time, to get some free time?
(no apologies - if you want to get married again, you have to work at it, and the first requirement is some free time!)

his behaviour sounds idiotic. some men (i use the term loosely) just seem to be like this. my ds's dad is much the same. doesnt see ds for months "well my wife is pregnant" and so? what has that got to do with it exactly? he didnt care so much when i was 7 months pregnant with my dd on my own, putting together all his son's new bedroom furniture, lugging wardrobes about, or when he wouldnt take him 20 miles for a heart scan and wanted me to get the bus up there 9 months pg. but now he's split with his wife its a very different story. he's around here every week, like clockwork...and i feel sad because i know as soon as he gets a new partner he wont bother. he never plays with ds, used to play football with his neighbour's son and leave ds out because ds couldnt kick a ball very well. (motor skills problems). just last week when he was here i had a go at him because ds was on the ps2 and daddy wanted him to put a better game on for him!! ffs idiot, its not for you, ds would just like you to play a game with him. there he was mumbling that it was like "watching effing paint dry".

it makes me laugh when men say they cant cope with the two of them together, well welcome to our world! you are not selfish for wanting time to yourself at all mrsp, what you have to think is he has time to himself what 6 days a week? you dont. i dont see how he can use that line. its bloody hard at times being a lone parent and anyone who hasnt been there, no disrespect but they have no hope of understanding it fully. as a single parent the little things other people take for granted, like having a 15 minute bath in peace, like not having to be in 5 places at once, being able to cook a meal without interruption are impossible sometimes. as for a love life? pah. i know exactly where you're coming from. its not like we want them to meet the children on a first date but we cant get out anywhere either. its really hard to form any kind of relationship when the kids are around, when you're in that stage of just getting to know each other.

i dont know what the solution is, but grrrrrrrrrr anyway for you!

i dread this.
My son is 5 my dd is 19 months. at the moment he is getting them both once a fortnight and phone calls twice a week.
trouble is whenever he does call he only ever wants to know about Ds. he even says "and the little girl" when he leaves messages....like he cant even remember her Feckin name.

it makes me sooo angry. he is taking me to court for access at the mo and it frustrates me that the whole legal system cant see that this is gonna get worse as she gets older.

i would say that they are brother and sister and come as a pair. if he cant handle them both then he shouldn't see either of them
but i know that would be hard on your son.

to be honest i dont know whatto suggest. but wnated to say, your not alone
...i just wish i had the love life to worry about lol

im in the same boat, my ex w*** dosent want ds2 so ive told him to bugger off and grow up. he hasnt got the balls to take me on for access or i would shop him, so its all gone quiet, but it does get worse as they get older as you have to awnser all the questions..