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Lone parents

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Original poster

how to cope with mine and childs grief - so alone

12 replies

mk39 · 28/12/2012 20:00

Its just me and my ten year old son. Father left a month before he was born and never seen him. My mum has always been part of his life, always been just the three of us as my dad and brother died 13 years ago. She's had alzheimers for the past five years and had to go into a nursing home earlier this year. She's only 60 and won't last the new year.

Im finding it hard to deal with my own grief, let alone my sons. He's had half his world just disappear. We have no other family. Ive arranged for him to have counselling but find myself shouting at him for the smallest thing. Just cant cope. I feel so alone. Dont know what to do.

Anyone been in this situation?

OP posts:
jessjessjess · 28/12/2012 20:05

I'm so sorry to hear this. I think you would benefit from counselling too, have you considered it?

Abra1d · 28/12/2012 20:08

I cannot help apart from to say I am so sorry and you and your mother and son are in my thoughts.

Piemother · 28/12/2012 20:17

Sounds like you need a break. What's your social support like? I think counselling for you would be a good place to start. Sending unmumsnetty hugs Brew

sickofsocalledexperts · 28/12/2012 20:25

I feel for you. I lost my mother this year and it is so cruel,as the mother/daughter bond is so strong. Just talk about it here and let it out with tears. She would want you to be strong and happy,for you and your boy. Hugs

MerylStrop · 28/12/2012 20:32

You poor loves
I'm so sorry about your mum

ItsRainingOutside · 28/12/2012 20:34

Like you, I'm a single parent with no siblings. My mum died 10 years ago when my dd was 1. My wonderful dad was a huge part of my little girl's life, was a substitute father to her and her only male role model. He died suddenly last year and I haven't been able to properly recover since. Last week, my dad's best friend died - he was the only link we had left of my dad and the place where he lived. DD and I were both bereft. It's soul-wrenching and you'll never be the same person again once your mum is no longer with you. However, you also have a life to live and a duty to make your son's life as happy and fulfilling as possible. Focus on what would make your parents proud and remind your son every day how much he is loved and that his grandparents and uncle will be watching over him xx

Original poster
mk39 · 28/12/2012 21:58

Thanks everyone. I have no support whatsoever. I know a few school mums (as you do) but none that i would call friends. I worked and cared for my mum for last five years so didnt really have time to make friends. Not really good at that. Am very cautious and quiet with new people which can be misread as being aloof. Gp suggested counselling from cruise but not sure they can help as not actually passed away yet.

OP posts:
sickofsocalledexperts · 29/12/2012 21:07

Are you near London? If so we could have a coffee? Maybe just explain to your boy that mummy will be a bit on edge at the moment, but she doesn't mean it really and the 2 of you WILL get through this. At 10, I think they understand more than we realise (my DD was 10 when my dearest mum died, they had been very close.) Dd desperately tried to be strong for me, and I was so distraught I had to just accept the help for a while. Big hugs.

Original poster
mk39 · 29/12/2012 22:44

Sickofsocalledexperts - near derby but thanks. I'll take ur advice.

OP posts:
nurseneedshelp · 29/12/2012 22:52

So sorry for you x
I'm in Derby if you ever want to meet up!
Message me if you fancy a drink and chat!

seaofyou · 30/12/2012 01:26

Firstly you are going through a 'living' grief...very common with Alzheimers. Is their an Alzheimers Society group near you to join? There should be a nurse contected to them who can give grief counselling or Cruise as GP says.
But being around other carers also will help you both know you are not alone.
My world is my mum and DS 8 with ASD and if my mum left I would not cope either (((hugs)))
How about putting together photo book for DS of photos places you visited in past together/special occassions....or big photo frame with all photos in of you all together and hang it somewhere you can see everyday.
It is very important you get the support as you are your DS rock at this moment and you need as much RL support as possible. Ask one of the mum's for cuppa tea and try to build up regular coffee mornings. When you are ready join a group/choir/vol work etc to meet as many RL friends as poss...thats my NYR.
IF you have room in your lives a dog is great for company/extra family memeber and meet other dogwalkers to chat to daily. Go onto AIBU and ask to ask to meet people from Derby area for coffee...I am sure you will get responses otherwise join NM they have meet a mum section I think?

Being a FT carer consumes your whole life your mum would want you to have 'YOU' time and live some of your life and be happy again...your mum lives on in you for your DS and what he needs is a happy mum to carry on the good old times the three of you had....in the past, in the now and in the future.

theredhen · 30/12/2012 03:04

Op I've been a very similar situation. My mum died from a brain tumour and it was just ds and I too.

I had two close friends who really helped me. I was lucky. Try and find out about counselling and also start thinking about how you can turn acquaintances into friends.

Like you I'm shy but if I managed it, you can too.

There is something to be said for a life without family ties. You only have to read on here about the upset families can cause.

Is there anyone in your extended family you can turn to? I am close to my cousins nowadays and that has helped me.

Things seem hard now but they will get better with time.

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