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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Lone parent by choice?

13 replies

suejonez · 13/04/2006 14:48

I am hoping to be a single parent before the end of this year as I'm choosing to adopt. Is anyone else on this board a "single by choice" rather than through breakdown of relationship.

I won't have the issues of dealing with access, broken relationship etc but will obviously be dealing with the same issues of how to deal with Fathers day (read that thread thought it was very helpful for me) etc.

I'll be an older mother too (41)

Anyone else in a similar position?

Sue

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Earlybird · 13/04/2006 15:20

Hi Sue - me! Don't have time to post a real reply just now, but will come back to this later...

faeriemum · 13/04/2006 17:35

well i would say im single by choice as i chose to carry on with pregnancy after splitting with ex...
i dont have to deal with access or anything like that either, as ex has never seen ds.
fathers day at the moment is just another day in the year...im sure when ds gets older it will cause some questions....i'll have to start planning the answers!
i just wanted to say hi really and goodluck with everything....being older wont be an issue for you at all...my mum was 41 when she had my sister...who is 4 now.
it wont make a blind bit of difference what age you are..your child will enjoy and love you just the same.
good luck!

Original poster

suejonez · 13/04/2006 17:52

Yes I would count as continuing with a pregnancy after a breakup being single by choice! I'm not really trying to create an exclusive group just interested in being able to talk to single parents who don;t have a co-parent at all. Many people described as single parents are still co-parenting (terrible word!) just with a partner who doesn't live with them. I don't think it's any easier or harder just sometimes the issues are different.

OP posts:

Caligula · 13/04/2006 17:58

SJ yes. I found out I was pregnant literally a couple of weeks after I split with my ex. Have 2 children, who have no contact with their father apart from the occasional christmas/ birthday card (his choice).

Do you know how old the child is you will be adopting?

Original poster

suejonez · 18/04/2006 10:28

I've been approved to adopt a child under 2yrs - so somewhere between 6 months and two years - most likely iyr old.

Ironically I only get Christmas/birthday cards from my dad (also his choice) so I'm a bit worried if I get a boy about lack of a close male influence. Do you have a boy?

OP posts:

sassy30lassy · 18/04/2006 10:37

hello sj good on you for adopting a child that really needs a parent single or not, i was not single parent by choice, but my son has become a independent and good lad even though, his dad was the opposite and if i had to do it again i would, but you can bring up the child to be a valued member of society especially with love and patience and understanding. so believe in yourself !

nikkie · 18/04/2006 15:16

I am a single parent (though divorce but both kids were under 2) and would do it again.I have 2 girls so can't commenton the boy factor though
Good Luck

Caligula · 18/04/2006 15:42

Yes I have a boy 6. And I know what you're thinking - (or at least I'm guessing I do, correct me if I'm wrong) the role model thing.

I have 2 brothers and a couple of very good male friends who provide role models to some extent. But yes it's an issue (for me at least) - any time you want to chat about it feel free!

bourneville · 18/04/2006 16:30

i am single mum by choice if you count one night stand and choosing to keep the baby. i have a boyf though, who doens't live with us or anything. other male role models are my sister's friends' boyfriends and grandad is also very important.
we are in touch by email with dd's dad who lives abroad so no hassles there at all either. dd knows who he is, has photos, gets presents etc from him... she is only 2.8 though so no difficult questions as yet.

Original poster

suejonez · 18/04/2006 18:01

I think a male role model is important for girls as well but somehow it just seems more important for a boy. I do have a brother but we're not that close and he doesn't live that close. My sister has two boys who are now 13 and 15, the older of whom is desperate to be godfather to junior. Do you think he's a little young?

He's very local to me and a very kind boy - also very sporty - rugby, rowing, tennis which could come in useful later!

OP posts:

Original poster

suejonez · 18/04/2006 18:01

I think a male role model is important for girls as well but somehow it just seems more important for a boy. I do have a brother but we're not that close and he doesn't live near me. My sister has two boys who are now 13 and 15, the older of whom is desperate to be godfather to junior. Do you think he's a little young?

He's very local to me and a very kind boy - also very sporty - rugby, rowing, tennis which could come in useful later!

OP posts:

Original poster

suejonez · 18/04/2006 18:03

He's very local to me and a very kind boy - also very sporty - rugby, rowing, tennis which could come in useful later!

OP posts:

bourneville · 18/04/2006 18:46

suejonez of course he's not too young, sounds really nice that he wants to be! My sister was about 14/15 when she became godmother to a family friend's baby although i do remember we found out that the church didn't allow it till a certain age - can't remember if it was 16 or 18. She was furious! She has always been quite religious & mature etc. I think she wrote a letter to them about it! (This is catholic by the way)

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