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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Feeling so depressed

18 replies

Just1willdo · 18/12/2012 22:56

Hi, I haven't really looked where to put this but I need to talk to somebody. I have been feeling very low these pass few weeks, I won't be spending Christmas with anyone because everyone is going away.
Sometimes i feel like taking sleeping pills and going to sleep forever, I only haven't done so because of DS, however, i feel i will take him with me and we'll be together forever never having to worry about anything again.

I'm so so tired of life's struggles of thinking this is all there is to life. I constantly think about the nurse that committed suicide after she got that prank call, how low she must have felt. I feel the same.

I don't want to go and leave DS without a mother, he would have to go into care so maybe i'll just put the tablets in our tea oneday and we go together. I'm past caring at the moment.

OP posts:

freemanbatch · 18/12/2012 23:01

you know that however hard life is you could never risk leaving your son on his own or being left without your son so you will not try to take your or his life because if you think about it you know you couldn't do that.

remind yourself of that as often as you can.

Which bits of life are a problem? Make a list, that's the start of sorting things out. The future holds happiness and fun with your son Death offers none of that.

suburbophobe · 18/12/2012 23:05

Oh, please don't even think about it!

I know how hard it is, I am a LP with a DS.

You have to reach out to someone, do you have family who can help out practically? A friend you are close to?

Please see your GP, ask for help, counselling, whatever you need.

Please contact the Samaritans.....

Original poster

Just1willdo · 18/12/2012 23:13

Hello, thank you. I've for counselling before trust me it doesn't help, I felt like the dr was mocking me so i never went there again. As i am typing this now i'm constantly feeling like take my pills before i go to bed. I don't want to wake up, so tired of my non life.

OP posts:

glitch · 18/12/2012 23:17

Oh you poor thing. Please go and see your GP. Make an appointment and go tomorrow.

Life can be tough, life as a lone parent can be lonely and isolating but you have your DS and who knows what joy life may bring in the future.

There are quite a few lone parents spending their first chistmas alone with children (me included). It is hard but there are things you can do to make it better, you sound like you just need a helping hand to start you off and that may be where your GP can help.

Do you have family or friends who you can share this with?

chickensarmpit · 18/12/2012 23:17

Hi Just1 .
I was feeling exactly how you did last year. You think you'll never get out of this depression but you will!
First thing to do is to speak to your doctor, they will set you on the right path.
Don't be afraid to ask people around you for help, even if it's just for a brew and a natter. Things like that do help.
If you would like to talk you can PM me anytime, i chat poop half the time but i'm a great listener and i have been there xx

hamtastrophe · 18/12/2012 23:22

I am so sorry that you are feeling so very low. I have also felt like this at points in the last few years, including the part about your son, so I am not judging you at all. It is a terrible place to be. My best advice would be that you need to speak to somebody. The Samaritans have been helpful to me, you can go in person to your nearest centre and sit with someone, to talk or just to sit and cry. It helps just to know that another human cares. FWIW I care that you are feeling so hopeless, and I know that it is absolutely possible for you to find your way out of this pit of despair. Have you tried anti depressants? A different doctor? Do you have anyone in RL you could open up to? Huge hugs x

violetsrblue · 18/12/2012 23:23

Please go back to the doctor - or a different one..there are so many options and different types of treatment for these feelings. It's a hard time of year if you feel crap. Keep posting on here and sharing your feelings.

fizzfiend · 19/12/2012 01:05

Have also been there...about a year ago. It is such an overwhelming feeling that never seems to end. I knew though that I would destroy my kids' lives by doing that and that is what stopped me.

One day things just seem a little better. Reach out to anyone you can. Samaritans were amazing...they listened to me blubbing and talking crap...so fantastic. Then when something nice happens, I now think "wow...I could have missed this." They're just small lovely things. And a sunny day now doesn't come with a big cloud over my head.

Remember also, that nobody is having the perfect Christmas. Most people have a fairly average day with people that annoy them, have arguments with family, etc, etc.

You only get one life and it is bloody hard sometimes. But you will get through this, even though you can see no end. Please believe me that it is worth it. But do, do, see your doctor. They are very open and understanding about depression, etc these days. It will help just to have someone understanding what you are going through.

Original poster

Just1willdo · 19/12/2012 11:55

Hello all of you, hope you are all well. Thank you so much for your kind words..I am feeling a little better but it only lasts a few hours and then that black cloud comes over me once more. I never dreamed in my worst nightmare that I would spend my days feeling so awful like this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

I have made appointment to see my GP, fortunately the one i saw last time is no longer there so it will be with a different Dr. I will let you know how I got on. Obviously if you hear from me again i'm still here! x x x

OP posts:

YourHandInMyHand · 19/12/2012 12:01

I've had those thoughts from time to time too. I feel much better for being on ADs. I hope the GP you see is more supportive. Maybe write down how you are feeling if you will struggle to talk about it.

As for Christmas. Me and DS will be on our own for Xmas day, I'm looking at it as quality time just me and him. Will take nice pics, play with some of his toys with him, eat chocs and have a glass of wine. I'm just thinking of it as a nice relaxing day without family politics or a selfish lazy partner!

niceupthedance · 19/12/2012 13:50

Ah, this is why I am not a fan of Christmas - what a shitload of unnecessary pressure on people to play happy families! Pre-DS I purposefully didn't take part, one year I went abroad and ate at Taco Bell for my Xmas lunch, other times I stayed at home and had a microwave dinner. Bollocks to Christmas!

Just1, I hope that the GP is helpful. As others have said there are the Samaritans, also the Sally army is really good at Xmas - perhaps you could offer to help out if you don't want to go as a helpee? If your DS is under 5 you could see if you have Homestart in your area, they are there for people who need support, for whatever reason.

Newshoesplease · 19/12/2012 13:55

Hi, I've been where you are. Please go to your doctor and tell them how you feel- depression is all consuming & sometimes it's impossible to start to overcome it without anti depressants. Please speak to someone, things WILL get better. Huge hugs.

PostBellumBugsy · 19/12/2012 13:58

I've been where you are too - please go and see your GP. It is so hard when you are on your own with DCs sometimes & it can really get you down.
Your GP can prescribe you ADs & also get you sorted out with some counselling.
Huge, huge hugs to you. I know it is hard to believe it right now, but it will all be ok. (BUT PLEASE MAKE AN APPT TO SEE YOUR GP TODAY.)

PostBellumBugsy · 19/12/2012 13:59

Sorry, you are seeing your GP - that is great news.

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast · 19/12/2012 14:02

Someone I knew of killed her two DS's and then herself. It really isn't a good option don't you agree ?

My DSis took sleeping pills when her DC's were very young and she felt over-whelmed and just wanted to sleep for a very long time. I'm so glad she phoned a friend after she'd done it, who took her into hospital and she's still here with us all.

I hope I've said the right things to you, or at least not the wrong ones.
Suicide has such massive repercussions for all those left behind.
You would be missed by many, and life can be good (at least some times !)

I hope the doctor is easy to talk with and helpful, and that you can get more support and companionship really soon x

itspeanuts · 19/12/2012 16:31

Another one who has also felt that way in the past. Isn't it sad that so many of us have felt so low - It's bloody hard, lonely work being a single parent at times!

But it will pass! So glad you're going back to the GP, it's a very positive step you've taken and as you can see, there's always a listening ear on mumsnet!

glitch · 19/12/2012 21:44

Hi Just1, glad to see you posting today and that you had at least a few hours feeling
brighter.
How did you appointment go? I hope they were helpful.
Just remember that there are people who care and things will get better. Just take it one day at a time.

Varya · 21/12/2012 19:34

It can help to make email contact with the Samaritans as well as seeing your
GP. It is very hard when you get so low, but with help you will begin to feel better. Don't give in to an overdose, life will pick up and you will have happier days ahead, I am sure. Take care - Varya XX

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