i'm doing REALLY well, so why do I feel like this.....

[raenbow]

Split from OH in September after a year trying to fix things ( alone) and deciding that living abroad with 2 Dc's and him away all the time and hardly there ( emotionally) even when he was, moving back to UK would be better for us all.
So I came back, gave up my beautiful house, job, friends etc....
So here I am was staying with my In-laws at first, ( they have been fab and think he is a total **) So I got all my paperwork sorted, got a house , kids sorted in school had 2 interviews and got another lined up for temp work next week,
So why do I feel so bad. Had to go to xmas performance of DS today and sat with tears running down my face. I can't even talk about xmas because the thought of it sends me sideways. Just want to go back to how things were.
He is also back now and I think seeing him is making it harder ( when he was still abroad I could forget about it) he seems to think we can just carry on and keeps telling me that 'amicable' is the best way for the kids. Am not feeling too amicable and if I get angry with him he just becomes Mr ** reasonable.
Thanks for listening, on the outside I am fine, inside I am a wreck!! Just want to know how long that lasts!!

Because it is so hard to get over a failed relationship and give up those dreams you had, and you are grieving even though the partnership was not a good one. You are grieving on behalf of your children, not being in a picture perfect family, and feeling you have somehow let them down. It is so hard to detach completely. But it will get better, those feelings start to fade. I am 9 months down the line and it is still there but a lot less often and less strong.

You are doing so amazingly, be so proud of yourself!!

One thing that 'cheered' me up was my HV saying yesterday that 1/4 of relationships experience abuse of some sort at any one time (e.g. emotionally unavailable partner whop was always absent). Now of course I am absolutely NOT happy about that, BUT it means all those perfect looking 2.4 familys are not as perfect as they seem. The woman with the expensive 4x4, big house, and swooshing hair may not be all it seems. She might be just as unhappy as you were, just you had the strength to get out of it and try and improve your life. That makes you strong!

You don't need to just carry on with your x. This is the time to decide what you need and tell him where your boundaries lie. Mr Reasonable, is just Mr Passive-Aggressive, if he is ignoring what you are telling him.

It's normal to feel like this. Seeing OH will also trigger it. Absence means you forget the feelings which made you leave and start to idolise the relationship in your head. Christmas adds to it all.

Keep your head and carry on and you will be fine