Maintenance advice for a baby

[jen79142]

hi, this is my first post on here but really need advice on financial support from my ex.
He thinks as babies do not need much and I am bf that he should just buy the odd pack of nappies and that should be it. I am finding it hard to justify what maintenance should cover, I believe it should go towards keeping the house ( tho he would argue that as I have other children I have to pay for that anyway so baby makes no difference) due to being on mat leave tho I have got heating on more and use extra electric being home, also due to bf her my appetite is huge so do spend a bit more on food. Also my other youngest is only 2 years away from starting secondary school, which would have meant I could have increased work hours as she could walk to school and would not need to pay out on childcare. So having my gorgeous baby now affects future possible earnings.

Sorry for the ramble, are the above good enough reasons for expecting some financial support from him?

Thank you x

You don't have to have any reasons to justify it; maintenance is a legal obligation. If he won't contribute, call the CSA and let them deal with it! He should be paying you 15% of his net income for one child (assuming he has no other children either living with him or he is paying support for)

If he will not pay support,please apply the CSA here (and do tell him where to stick his nappies!)

You are quite right about your loss of earnings. Factor your loss of pension into that too while you're about it ( I could go on and on ).

The guy is absolutely taking the piss

Hi, thanks for your reply :)

I'm scared of causing an argument tbh! We spoke bout it before lo was born and it did not end too well! Once she was here, we put all bad feeling to one side and have got on reasonably well and it makes for a nice atmosphere when he visits lo. I don't want to make things awkward but I'm going to start resenting him soon when he tells me all the things he's bought himself when he does not think twice about helping out!

Part of being a good father or mother is providing financially for your child if you possibly can.

If he puts all the financial burden on your shoulders, you will suffer and your child will suffer because of your stress.

So what if there's an argument? He's in the wrong legally and morally.
Do it now because, if you never do it, you have 18 years of supporting your child financially with little or no help from your ex.

What they said.

If he creates a bad atmosphere because he is being asked to contribute to looking after his child (who I supoose he doesn't think wears clothes, that need to be washed, for example), he is an arse. It is not you being 'difficult' that creates any argument, it is his reaction.

Just send him a link to www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/calculator.asp and ask him to set up a direct debit. It is not helping out, it is what any good parent provides for their child.

Thanks corlan :)
I know morally he should pay and it's not fair that I am responsible for it all! I will broach the subject again and if you do have any more suggestions as to what it covers I would appreciate hearing them :) he should be thankful he's saved himself £750 so far on what he should pay ;)

Thanks again xx

Thanks doubleyew,

I know it's him and not me but I guess I'm trying so hard to keep things friendly for my lo that I'm letting him get away with it! She means the absolute world to me and I would do anything to keep her happy.
I'll take a look at the link and pass it on if he plays up!

Thanks again xx

Don't get into justifying what it pays for. Even if you are a millionaire or you didn't spend a penny and put it in an account for the child when older, he should still pay it, it is his contribution to the child's life while you do most of the physical caring. Its up to you what you spend it on. (Have been told all this by professionals btw, not just letting off steam!)

Just say calculator says it should be this much, that is the MINIMUM other separated parents pay. And if you go through CSA they can get back payments.

Your child will respect him much more as a father if they know he paid towards their welfare.

X-posts.

It is great that you want to keep it friendly. It is not unfriendly to ask for what your dd is entitled to, phrase it politely and reasonably. If he reacts badly, it is him being out of order. Keep telling yourself that as sometimes it is hard to stand up to the other person when you feel so much rests on having a good relationship with the other parent.

I'll try not to justify it but sure I'll end up doing it anyway! But I will try and remember your post :)

Thank you and ill update with how it goes :) xx