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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

First week on my own done..now what!?!

17 replies

Capitaltrixie · 07/12/2012 20:04

OH left last week (after months and months of not getting on) and I just felt like posting because I made it through the first week on my own!

In truth, talking to myself has increased and last night I must admit I did sob into a cushion throughout the whole of Masterchef, but today/this evening I have felt surprising chirpy and positive might be the mini bottle of wine I bought myself as I daren't risk buying a proper size one
I just wondered..in the beginning, do you feel very up and down and quite odd really for a while before you get consistently a bit happier (and normal!)??!
DC are wonderful and haven't seemed to notice all the extra hugs I've been given them, poor little things have been cuddled to death!
I'm really worried about the impact on them of course, but doing my best to keep things normal (by being silly mummy as usual!)

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LimelightsontheChristmastree · 07/12/2012 20:08

Just wanted to say well done! And Merry Christmas. And have aon me.

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 07/12/2012 20:19

Thanks limelights Merry Christmas to you too! ( is much appreciated!)

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TheJiminyConjecture · 07/12/2012 21:11

Well done!

In my experience (H left in Feb) I didn't really feel like it was 'real life' if that make sense. Everything was a bit of a blur and if I think back I don't have many clear memories of those first few weeks. Similar to having a new born perhaps?

But now I feel much more settled and DD and I seem to have slipped seamlessly into our new way of life.

It will get easier cheers

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 07/12/2012 21:27

Thanks Jiminy. It absolutely makes sense - that's exactly how I've felt the last couple of days; like I'm functioning and looking after the DC, but on another planet at the same time..(I do actually remember feeling similarly zombified when DD2 was born). And my eyes are now taps that free flow at well, anything really.

Well done to you too! Glad you're enjoying your new life with DD. And cheers to you too . My mini bottle of wine is sadly loooong gone

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DoubleYew · 08/12/2012 00:05

Yep - up and down.

It will be a new normal, eventually. Once contact has settled into a routine and you've got used to doing everything yourself (gulp) or decided what tasks you can ignore if you are like me, you'll start to feel like you've got a handle on a new way of living. There may still be down bits so don't feel it is all falling apart if you are still having wobbles in a few months.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath · 08/12/2012 08:49

Well done and here, have another .

I'm one month into it and still cry quite a bit once ds is asleep but, it is getting easier. The finances are finally settling and I am beginning to get those feelings of strength that independence brings. I do have problems with just how tired I am but then ds is a boisterous toddler so that's to be expected anyway I guess.

Onward and upward!

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 08/12/2012 11:00

Thanks DoubleYew and ItsOkay.

It is daunting having to do everything, OH wasn't into DIY/fixing things/much housework at all, so things should be okay and quite similar on that front I'm hoping (I think I'll be ignoring some bits too!).
Trying to prepare myself for some wobbles , and will try not do the thing I usually do which is when I have a period of feeling better, then have a little wobble, say to myself 'oh that's it, back to square one/I'm a mess/bad mum/not coping/have well and truly gone insane'..

Oh yes; the tiredness..some days it's just painful! I'm in the same boat as you ItsOkay - I've got a boisterous toddler too. Glad things are getting easier for you though and you're having those good feelings (and thanks for the ).

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Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 08/12/2012 11:04

And forgot to say well done back to you! You've all given me a real boost, thank you. I'd better stop there or the eyes'll start going again! x

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lizzie479 · 09/12/2012 20:33

Hi, I am seven weeks into the break up and am feeling the whole range of emotions. Mainly anger, disappointment, panic and loss. I am slowly coping better day by day though. But you are right it is up/down in terms of my emotions. Everything is so new and sometimes I wake up realising what has happened. Sometimes I wish everything was back how it was and conveniently forget how bad things had got. Its a major adjustment. I find doing everything and financial worries the biggest hurdle. And adjusting to living alone and feeling lonely. I am very social and invite friends round etc but that feeling late at night when the kids are in bed and its just you in the house is pretty horrible. I am hoping I will get used to it and enjoy it soon though. Also, the memories of our twelve years together, particularly before the kids when we were young and carefree, keep hitting me and they make me feel the sadest as we were in love once and had lots of fun together. It feels like grief.

blackeyedsusan · 09/12/2012 23:55

yes, the first week felt weird.. a real effort, really conscious of being on my own and having to think things through quite a lot. we have been separated for nearly 2 years now... it is all normal, and has been for a really long time... except for putting out thebins... still annoys met that.

faye0310 · 10/12/2012 20:52

I am two weeks into being on my own! He told me tonight that he defiantly doesn't think he is going to come back. I have defiantly been up and down!! One minute I think I am being strong the next I am a wreck thinking this is it I will never find anyone else. He didn't do much round the house anyway so to be honest with you I probably have less to do!!
I am the same keep wishing it was back to how it used to be and have to remind myself that things weeny right for a long time. I hope things start to settle down for you soon xx

Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 10/12/2012 22:34

Thanks for your replies x

Sorry it's been hard for you lizzie479. We weren't together as long so I can't imagine what an adjustment it must be. Seven weeks is still early though I'm thinking..I guess the emotions and ups and downs are all part of grieving for the relationship (though I DO think ones mind can be very unhelpful and plain cruel sometimes as you seem to remember all the good times much more than the bad ones...hmm), hope things get better for you soon.

Good to hear life has become normal and good blackeyedsusan. I always have done the soddin' bins so no change there

I know how you feel faye0310. And following on from the bin thing above, the house is tidier than when OH was here!! (even though he used to whinge comment on the house being messy..HE MADE THE MESS!!. I'll stop there as I've never been one for men bashing, but it's always useful to have a good rant now and then.

As an earlier poster said, onwards and upwards!

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Original poster

Capitaltrixie · 10/12/2012 22:35

forgot to say, thanks faye0310 you too x

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PlaySchool · 10/12/2012 22:58

Well done! I am 4 years into being a lone parent and it does get easier. It takes a while to settle and adjust but you get there in the end. I actually quite like being on my own now. My marriage was hell.

BertieBotts · 10/12/2012 23:02

Up and down YES definitely, so much so.

It's really bizarre, but nice, I think.

It's weird when you start experiencing things as though for the first time again :) And realising that suddenly you can do this, or that, without anyone moaning at you! That part is wonderful :)

And when you start building your own life and realise that you love your own life, hobbies, home etc so much that it would take someone pretty damn special to be allowed in there :)

She70 · 11/12/2012 20:16

I'm 3 weeks into being on my own after 7years married almost 10 together and 2dc. The first two weeks were hell. I could barely function and felt like I was drowning in the grief, disbelief and utter shock of my life crumbling around me. I had no idea it was coming and so it was even harder. We didn't have a perfect marriage but we were doing ok. Or so I thought.

Three weeks in I am doing better. I am now cooking my children proper food again rather than relying on friends or fish fingers. I still cry every day but its not for as long or as often. Think today it was just twice which is a massive leap for me.Iam trying to plan for Xmas and today decided that I'm going to spend it alone with the children. I am going to start our own new traditions which include new pj's and not getting dressed!

If I didn't have the money worries and the where are we going to live question hanging over me I'd be doing ok. Not great but better. And its early days. Who knows, in 6 weeks I might even laugh genuinely again!

Fizzerly17 · 14/12/2012 19:13

I've recently split with my baby's dad. The week he left my mum passed away, that first week was tough, I cryed every night, me and my ex are still friends so it makes it easier sometimes. Although he seems to think its ok to tell me who he's sleeping with. This is when I slump. I think the days we don't speak to each other I am ok, and power through. But when we can contact it messes with my head. Since we split up he has changed into someone I no longer recognise, he's not the man I loved anymore so I hope it gets easier. This is the main reason I joined mums net, I need to know I'm not the only one who struggles. Xxx

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