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am i wrong to feel like this

4 replies

piglettsmummy · 06/12/2012 21:29

me and dd's father split up in april this year. dd is complex needs requiring a ventialtor during sleep... when she does slepe that is. she is very restless wakes anything from 2- 6 or 7 times a night, thats without dealing with medical issues that occur during the night.
dd's father has never take a forward approach to caring for dd's medical condition and for the past 2 years i have been her main carer taking her t hospital appointments etc staying with her overnight. we split for many joint reason but one in particular for me is he lack of caring towards dd and her problems. recently she has started turning her nose up at normal food more frequently, we are waiting on a SALT appointment but her doctor said that we were ok to feed her whatever she'll eat, currently thats anything thats blended down to consistancy of stage 2 weaning. she will have the occasional day where she will actually eat 'normal' food but they dont come often.

anyway when i explained to dd father that she eats more food better if its blended... his response 'no its too strange' (dd is 2.3) i felt very insulted, i assumed as a parent he would do what is best for her! i let i slip and carried on. recently we have been having alot of trouble settling dd and keeping her asleep. today dd's father was 30mins late picking her up ( would have been longer if i hadnt phone him TO WAKE HIM UP!). he said he overlaid. maybe it was the lack of sleep ive been having recently but i felt like punching him! i told him i can still get up with a very little amount of sleep (probably 3 hours last night). he gets very spite and did today saying well i told you id have her overnight. but he cant, he doesnt wake up to dd's monitor alarms and to be quite frank wouldnt no how to work machines or what to do in an emergency. it was a joint agreement to begin with that he wouldmt have her overnight!

i actually despise that he has this "i dont give a sh*t" lifestyle! i struggle to contact him when dd's rushed to hospital and he bobs in and out he life once a week (he wont have her any more) and thats it. ignores everuting i tell him about her medically. im at bloody shooting point! i dont no how i can cope. why should i be the only one to take this on! we both created her but it seems its only me being the one who really cares about her wellbeing!!!!!!!

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blackeyedsusan · 06/12/2012 22:38

well done for not punching him... it would have been bd for yuo and dd to have done so. think of that!

he is making me feel all stabby and I have only just read the thread and do not have to put up with the incompetant fool in real life.

what monitor alarms are they? (nosy)

piglettsmummy · 06/12/2012 22:47

She's on a Sats monitor. It monitors her oxygen levels and heart rate if either go higher or lower than the set levels then the machine alarms its pretty loud but in the 4 months we had it( while I was with him) he wouldn't even stir! I'd have to wake him up to tell him I was taking her to hospital (he'd never drive me) and he'd tell me I was lying it hadnt gone off coz he didn't hear it. The vent also has an alarm if the mask is not on her face properly x

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Lookingatclouds · 07/12/2012 11:35

No you are absolutely not wrong to feel like that. You are carrying the burden of looking after her all on your own. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job and he needs a kick up the arse. Do you have any other support?

piglettsmummy · 07/12/2012 16:59

Yes I live with my mum she is a great help and most days allows me to sleep in till 9am ish. I suppose it's not just the fact that he only has her one day. Whenever she's in hospital he doesn't offer to sit with her for a few hours so i can go home and shower etc, I'm there from
The minute she is admitted to the minute she's discharged and my mum comes everyday from about 8am til midnight it's too much for her sometimes. Hes an arse and a waste of space and I'm getting to boiling point with him!

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