Access to ds

[datedthedevil]

Hi, please could you give some advice? It's a bit of a long one I'm afraid.....

I had my gorgeous ds nearly two weeks ago.

My ex bf and I split up when I was about 20 weeks pregnant.

For most of the 3.5 years we were together he was emotionally / verbally abusive. He was always angry and controlling. I was constantly walking on egg shells around him.

Just before we split up he hit me (luckily being pregnant at the time he only hit me on my arm). On other occasions I've been afraid he was going to hurt me.

Anyway, after we split up he did all he could to upset me and cause stress. He refused to talk to me, even about the baby or the house we were renting. He sent me the most awful texts saying things such as I was an 'inbred whore'. Although he was previously happy with the pregnancy he started to claim I'd tricked him into pregnancy, then said I'd raped him and finally said I was sleeping around so the child wasn't his.
His whole family cut me off. He said he never wanted to see me or our son again. When he moved out he even took our bed and left me sleeping on the uncomfy sofa. He knew I had awful SPD and he didnt need it but he still took it to upset me and cause me discomfort.

He continued to be awful throughout the pregnancy.

When we initially split up the police were involved. I told them of how he has hit me and how he had been treating me. They passed on reports to social services as they considered my ds who I was pregnant with as a living person who needed protecting.

When I had my ds I had to have an emergency induction as I had severe pre eclampsia. I was on so many drugs and so out of it I called my ex and invited him to visit us. I can't believe I lost my mind like that.

So, my question is... How do I stop my ex having unsupervised access to our ds? I don't trust him. He's not a nice or good person. I consider him to be a bad influence and dangerous.

Thank you for reading all my ranting x

Just say no.

as the resident parent you have the right to protect both yourself and your DS from your Ex. If he wishes to dispute that then he will have to go to court. With a record of his previous behaviour lodged with SS even if he pursues it legally he should, at most,be given short supervised visits in a contact centre and would have to demonstrate reliability, understanding of his role as parent and responsibilities.

Don't register him on birth certificate and have nothing to do with hm. Best solution. Then will be up to him to go to court to seek access.

Has he even asked for contact?
Did he come to visit you when you asked him ?

If later your ds asks who dad his you can tell him . Maybe further down the line things will improve (ever hopeful)

Unless he has stacks of mne and would provide good sums of child maintenance. ....
but in that case you can still ask for contact centre supervised contact unit he has proved himself .

I've not put him on the birth certificate but not told him that yet. (Too scared).

Yes, unfortunately he did come to visit when I called. He adores his ds. I wish someone had taken the phone off me to stop me contacting him. I was completely off with the fairies on drugs.

I guess I'll wait for him to take me to court. I'm just worried as when he took his ex wife to court for access he represented himself and cost her a fortune as he wrote so many letters and made such a fuss. He said previously that he wouldn't fight in court for access but then again he said before he never wanted to meet him.

I really pray the court make him have supervised access. I don't trust him at all. And I don't want him exposed to people who will openly bad mouth me in front of him.

I wish I could just disappear and him never find me.

Thank you for your advice

You don't need to explain or justify why you phoned your ex, especially as I assume he visited you in hospital which in all honesty I would class as 'supervised' given that you would have had the staff on hand if needed, along with other patients who could have been witnesses. What I mean is, you shouldn't consider the fact you phoned your ex as giving him some justification to debunk your genuine fear of how he would treat you/your DS.

I think you should try and get some practical advice from either your HV or SS about how to deal with any approach from your ex over contact. Given the police involvemet, and the SS referral, I think there is enough there to support you in insisting on supervised contact, if you have to consider allowing any contact at all.

Does he have contact with his other child?