Good things about being a lone parent

[Lovemarmalade]

Just that really, DH is moving out next week after months of sleeping on the sofa. I do everything for DC (2 years) and around the house anyway and work 4 days a week so in theory it shouldn't be a massive change... In reality i feel sick to the stomach thinking of breaking up DS family, scared about doing it all alone. I stay awake at nights imagining scenarios like falling down the stairs and banging my head and nobody finds DS and me for days . And when he starts school will all the other mums look down on me or be scared im after their husbands?? And trying not to think about how much harder it will be financially, just going to do the best i can... Anyway just want some cheering up so please tell me all the great the wonderful things about being a one parent family!

Have a look on the Relationship board! That'll cement your thinking... All those 'D'Hs coming home drunk and puking/pissing everywhere.

More seriously, you can do things your way; so long as money is ok or manageable, I think it can be easier on your own than being in an unhappy situation.

On the worrying thing, I used to do this. Firstly, always carry your mobile so, if you fall, you can call for help; secondly, have someone who will check on you if they've not seen or heard from you for a couple of days.

It's not easy being a lone parent but it's a lot easier than being in a relationship that isn't working.

Good luck!

Thank you, it is scary once reality hits isn't it? Do you do the 'manly' jobs yourself like DIY, do you get worried about being ripped off by mechanics, electricians etc?

I am a lone parent. Yes, I do the manly jobs. No, I don't worry about being ripped off. It can be exhausting doing everything myself but also very rewarding and I like that I don't have anyone to argue with. I think my ds is happy and is growing up in a nice loving environment. I can't imagine living with anyone now, they would just get in the way. Me and ds are very happy just the two if us. Good luck x

I like being a lone parent. Mostly!

Love the sofa and tv to myself in the evenings.
Not having to cook for another adult.
Not having man pants lying around. Or mans poo stains in toilet.
Bed to myself-lovely!
Reading in bed without bothering anyone.

I take my car to a mechanics that I trust, not ever ripped me off as far as I know.
I'm not too great at DIY other than painting, so normally pay a local handy man to do any jobs I can't manage-again someone I trust. Always best to get a few quotes to make sure you've been given a fair price though.

Good luck, you'll be fine!

Not having to watch any sport
Not having to smell their meat poos
Not having to clean their pubes off the bathroom floor
Not having to lug beer home from shops (swap for a box of wine
Not having to do their washing
Not having to cook huge meals if not hungry
Not feeling you have to give a third person attention
Not wondering what parenting style you will disagree on next
Being able to do what you want when you want it; weekends/evening routine
Not having to visit the PIL
Not having to buy them Xmas presents
Not having to put up with grumpiness and sulking (unless it is a child)
Being able to decorate as you like

I think I have become too selfish to share with a man now!

I can say that the only thing I miss about being part of a couple is having someone else to take over the boring chores every now and then and carrying heavy objects.

I think being with someone who for whatever reason is not right is far lonelier than being single but I have never minded my own space and I a good support network.

I don't think other parents will look down on you but I have no experience of the school gates yet and I am not ashamed of being a single parent because shit happens and my ex has turned out to be an arse!

I love my life and have heaps to look forward to. Being a single mum hasn't stopped me doing any of the things that you do as a two parent family. I have trips lined up for next year and even taking 3 year old DS to a festival with a group of single parents. You can go where you want, when you want.

See if there is a local single parents network near you as they have a been a source of great support and it is a good way to meet others in the same situation. People on mine organise meet ups for a variety of things from pantomimes, nights out, trips away and playdates.

After the initial shock and if you have a positive approach you'll be fine. I like some of the other posters can't see how I can fit in a man in my life now and I am very happy without one!

Don't have to spend time with in-laws!
Less washing
No pants/socks on floor
Tidy house
Watching rubbish on telly without getting moaned at

Getting heavy boxes up into the loft was the hardest thing for me. Everything else you can figure out or find someone who can help. I do have loads of male friends but I also used to ask some of the Dads at school.

What I loved was the freedom. Being able to make my own decisions, decide to have dorritos and wine for tea if I wanted to, being able to plan my week and have no-one else upset the plans, doing what I wanted to at weekends, have a pyjama day if I wanted to.

And best of all, I noticed a real change in dd. She came out of herself and blossomed into someone really confident. I sobbed all the way through her leaver's concert at school, as it suddenly struck me that me leaving was the one thing that had changed things for her. And that made all the times when I did find it hard worth it.

But I too grew in confidence, I went on holiday on my own with the girls, bought a car, did all sorts of things that I had no idea I could do. It's been really good for me too.

I really panicked about the practical stuff, but Ive been in the loft, Ive put the bins out Ive painted the bathroom Ive changed lightbulbs, Ive bought one of those wire wall art things he couldnt stand. Ive been able to stop buying pot noodles (dont ask) we have our tea when we want, the kids go to bed when I want. I was worried - would you believe - because I didnt know how he used to wire the fairy lights in the porch, so ive bought battery ones!!!!
Yes I get lonely when the kids go to bed. Yes I miss him when something is on tv we both used to watch, Yes it hurts when he drops the dc's at the end of the path, but all that will ease and I know we will be fine.

All the things mentioned

No listening to long then I said then I did stories from his day ruling the worldat the office

Choosing what/if/when to eat

I could go on and on but suffice to say being single is a well kept secret

I wouldn't worry about the school playground. I found it far harder talking to people while I was still married because I was so very unhappy and so ashamed of the relationship I was in and my child's homelife. It is far easier now to talk to people, and you would be surprised how many admit they are now on their second marriage with blended families when you get to know them.

Brilliant things about being a single mum - not putting up with a stressful home life & another adult's poor behaviour. Eating what & when you want to. Bringing up your children the way you want to. Doing things with a bounce and lightness. Being able to have your home like you want/buy what you actually like and not justify it to anyone else!! Not having some else's crap all round your house :-D

Compared to being in a unhealthy relationship, living on your own is like floating on clouds and among rainbows!

Thank you ladies I'm feeling much much better now actually feeling really positive with all your advice xx

And ESPECIALLY love the whole no more inlaws part! Feel excited for the first time in ages thinking about decorating ideas etc. also have requested some info packs from gingerbread website about money and tax credits to bump up meagre single wage etc so feeling quite hopeful

Brilliant! Welcome to the Light Side my dear

I definately second the no cleaning up the pubes from the bathroom floor! Dry less vigourously is all I can say!!!
Also, he left skid marks on the bed sheets and in his pants...yukkkk
Not having the sarky comments and being shouted at regularly.
Not being made to feel guilty that I am not 'trying hard enough to love him'
Not having to listen to his sexist dad and dumb mother who he had never cut the apron strings from.....I had better stop (grin)

And no more thinly veiled criticisms from him on my parenting... DS will be happy that he can have now his bedtime bottle in peace without the 'expert' storming round saying hes too old and needs to grow up! And blaming me for DS toddler tantrums/ refusing vegetables/ not wanting to sit still for 2 hour meals with his family... We can do whatever we like in peace and quiet now!

Yes, it will be a lot calmer
You will possibly actually get more time to yourself if he takes them for the odd weekend/night!

Love being a lone parent. Just taken the DCs to a work 'do' - drinks after work and it was lovely. They were well behaved - didn't have to worry about anyone else's agenda.

I love that we can run to our own timetable. It was a choice of not going, going with DCs or getting a babysitter. I chose a good option - I wouldn't have dreamt of doing this when DH was around.

Everything is easier not having to fret about a big baby for a partner.

Love not clearing up after him.

Lie-ins with kids in bed.

Hi Marmalade

Five years ago my Ex finally moved out after sleeping on the sofa for several months. Since then I have brought up DS (then two, now seven) on my own.

At first I was terrified that I would die in the night and DS would be left alone crying mummy, mummy before starving to death. I actually used to store boxes of raisins in my bedside drawer for that purpose and told him to eat them if he couldn't wake me up

So far we are both alive....

It is hard being a single parent but totally agree with the other good points above (I was living with a man who same home drunk and vomited/peed everywhere culiminating in smashing glasses as so drunk and leaving pan on hob / incinerated food in oven as so drunk and almost burning flat down with me and baby DS in it)

I am very independent and will attempt most DIY jobs. Unfortunately I have been ripped off by contractors but that could be just bad luck (though I am convinced is due to being a single woman

Personally I find socialising hard as I never come across any other single mums - is all very much married couples who only socialise with other married couples around here.

I am so proud of DS and when I have the energy I am proud of myself too. I love this board (although am a total lurker) as there are so many positive lovely single parents on here (just wish I knew some in real life!)

Good luck!

Being a lone parent has made me realize that I'm braver, stronger, more independent and more capable than I ever thought as was.

I'm very proud of my dc's and myself !

One of the things I loved was that every other weekend I had a whole weekend to myself. I did so much!! I was able to go and visit friends, go out and get hammered, go off on workshops for the weekend, have a day chilling and getting some head space or working on my spiritual path. It was brilliant. It meant that when I did have dd I felt more refreshed.

And now I have a lovely bf and I get to go to his and have a childfree weekend, when he cooks for me, I have no housework, places to be or things to do.

There are loads of positives and I think for me, one of the most important ones was that I re-discovered who I was and was able to become me again.

Loving all your posts, have been seperated for 3 months now, getting used to and loving all of the above reasons to be a single mum. Thanks all of you, you have made me a lot more positive that there is life after a bad marriage. xxx

Letsmakecookies-your post made me get a tear in my eye. I am still riddled with guilt over breaking my family up. But I have a peacefulness about me now. Children pick up on an unhappy mum.
I dont miss:
skids in the loo
Piles of washing and washing up
Toe nails down the side of the couch
Arguing over parenting
Arguing over everything