feeling lonely and fed up and I ended it with him

[lizzie479]

I'm seven weeks post break up with my long term partner and father of my children. My skin has broken out in eczema, I'm worried sick about money, my family are unsupportive and doing everything including disciplining the kids is driving me crazy. I was miserable in my relationship and am now miserable out of it. I look and feel like crap and he looks great and happy. My question is do the exes always seem to do better post split? And, does it please get any easier?

It does but you do have to take charge of yourself and sort things out. Yes it's hard I know but take whatever help is around and move on. Possibly not what you want to hear but nobody is going to do this for you.

There's lots of hands on here to hold onto and good advice if you have specific questions about benefits, going it along....

It does get easier. Lots of lonely nights. But then again, I talk to friends who have husbands that drive them mad with their lack of interest in the family/kids/relationship so grass not always greener.

This hard decision will probably make your life better in the long run. I can't believe I have wondered if I would have been better off with my DH who barely acknowledged my existence.

I know one day I will be so happy I was brave enough to brave it alone. you will too...

Thanks fizz and pirate. Both of your responses helped. I had a friend (another single mum) and her kids over for a sleepover last night and that helped so much! It feels like one step forward two steps back at the mo. But I am starting to feel a tiny bit better. It is hard though when their bloomin pushchair broke on friday, so now I have to find the money to replace that. Along with dealing with mediation etc. It's a bumpy road but hopefully in two years or less I will be okay again!

It's hard to start with. I felt like I had the DCs bad behaviour(in reaction to split), relatives misinformed reactions, financial stress and was struggling with my own feelings and no one cared about me. It did get better. I told family in no uncertain terms that they needed to abide by boundaries. Kids the same...gentle firmness and gradually gradually life settled down.

Hi Cabbageleaves, yes dealing with the disciplining of the kids is tough. Especially when they struggle with coming back from seeing daddy. I always have a major meltdown from them as they get loads of attention from his family and him and then they come back to me and reality! I feel like no-one cares about me aswell. I know deep down my family do care but they are quite selfish, we were brought up that way I think. Or too wrapped up in their own lives. When do you feel it got better for you cabbage leaves?

It wasn't overnight sadly. I'd been married for 23 yrs and there were other complex issues so I don't think time for mine would necessarily indicate time for you.

What helped... The day I realised that I felt so insecure that I'd been allowing everyone to regard me as their whipping boy.

My DC had seen their father emotionally abuse me and carried it on.
My mother was angry/upset and frequently let me know what effect my divorce had on her...
My ex withheld any maintenance, obstructed sensible arrangements for contact and sent abusive emails.

So ...

I told my teens that no one was happy but I didn't deserve their backlash. I knew they were hurting but hurting me wasn't the answer (I'm sorry to say it took about 6 months to nail this behaviour...but our relationship was stronger after we had)

My DD let rip at my mum!!!!! It was probably meant for me but mum copped it and since I'd never have said it...it helped I then stepped in and laid down boundaries. I am their mother so the spoiling of DC has to stop (it cannot fix the sadness. We need rules) and the divorce has been tough for us all but blaming me is not the answer

Blocked him. Instead of bending over backwards to try and have an amicable divorce I fought back

Basically juggling my DCs needs still came first but I mattered as well and discipline, respect and love was going to be the new rules

well done cabbage leaves, 23 years married is a long time. Was it a good marriage to begin with?