Do the fathers of your dc bother with them outside of their contact??

[mama2moo]

I think thats quite a confusing title but I didnt know how to word it. I will explain what I mean....

Exdp and I have 2 girls. They are 3 and 5yo. I have just changed contact because I found 2 evenings a week was just too much for them. They are at school or nursery during the day and completely shattered in the evenings. He has them Tuesday evenings now for tea at his flat. He is also going to have them every other weekend for the night.

But, other then when he sees them he knows about them. He doesnt ask and I gave up bothering to tell him because he just doesnt seem to care. If dd1 does something good at school he just shrugs about it. For Christmas he has given me money towards their gifts but doesnt care what I have got them. When they are ill I tell him but he doesnt ever ask how they are or what the doctor says.

Is this normal? I do worry about the amount of attention he gives them when they are with him. I did have him see them at my house a few times last week because they were ill but he just sat on the sofa and watched tv.

Its very easy for someone to say that wannaBe. But when you have an ex who is only around to make himself feel better and has absolutely no concept of what being a parent actually involves, it gets tiring.

If I told you all the things my ex does, and the way he speaks to me, I think you might see it differently. Sadly, men like that are far too common.

He is type C out of the post above.

And to the poster who said it damages the kids, I feel that I have to let DD work her dad out for herself. Otherwise she will blame me and resent me for him not being around. She might push me away when shes older through anger at not knowing her dad. I cant take the risk. She would end up with a shit dad and a mum she hates. She needs to see it herself.

It breaks my heart. And it stares me in the face twice a week every week. Its really bloody hard. But Im doing my best.

DS's dad see him for perhaps two hours every six weeks or so and makes no effort whatsoever to keep in touch in between. He never phones to speak to him or asks about school/sports/friends etc.

His "contact"is to phone me at an inconvenient time for me (eg 4.55pm when I am at work but suits him as he is just getting up) on a thursday or friday opening with "I have not seen DS for ages, but have been so skint I can come on sunday, yeah" If DS does not have a party I will agree. I take DS to the train station to meet him. I then go off to do something such as swim or try to buy myself some clothes. Sometimes he manages an hour, sometimes almost two - sitting with DS in starbucks letting him play on his i pad. Then he phones me to come and collect DS so he can either get train home or meet friends for (heavy) drinking session.

On top of this he wants every second christmas so that his Mum can see her grandson on her preferred annual basis. I find it very hard indeed.

I do not know many other single parents but two that I do know have ex's who are actual 50/50 parents and have the children 50% of the time and share with actual parenting and care for their children.

I feel very sad for DS

My ex turns up when he feels like it, when the lawyer is on his case it is regular. His girlfriend is more important to him than his kids.
He doesn't show up to school events, specialists appointments etc. I email the school when the kids are sick and copy him on the message, he never takes the initiative to call them to see if they are feeling okay after seeing those mails. He doesn't call them, they call him. When he has the for day access every meal is takeaway and they watch movies (he only has them for a day).
Sadly you can't turn them into good parents.

Having said that my parents were divorced, and as a kid and I can't remember my dad ever calling me either. Maybe its just a guy thing, as I know my dad loves me to death.

No. Not at all but I am ruthless about ensuring that he sticks to the contact he has.

wannabe I assumed pantone was referring to the frequency that her ex is at her home, not that she doesn't want him involved with the children. I'm sure she would prefer a 50/50 split where he takes dc half the week not a 50/50 split where he is there at her home twice a day every day. Surely you can understand this?

Sadly, just as there are Fathers who are feckless and don't have the children's best interests at heart, there are also some Mothers who would rather their competent, reliable ex's disappeared and left them to parent alone. (not that I am saying anyone posting is one of those mothers). It's just when I read things like "all mothers want an involved father and someone who will co parent" it strikes me because it really isn't true. There are plenty out there who do not want that and obstuct contact either because they admit they would prefer Dad to go away or they somehow persuade themselves that the children would be better without Dad (even though Dad is a capable father).

It's normally the people with crap exes who post on forums though ... Male or female exes. But we can't assume the decent dads are in the minority based on that. There are lots of dads who are fighting for a relationship with their children. Sadly the rubbish dads give them a bad name too.