Lone parent here and absolutely devastated.

[SmallBump48]

My Fiancé left me 3 days ago, He hasn't contacted me since he moved all of his stuff out of our home until today when I found out that I am pregnant.

I want him back, I am scared and I do not want to live without him :(

What can I do? We are meeting tomorrow to talk and
when I told him today that I was pregnant he said 'Great, Just what I needed.' :(

I'm sorry, that's very tough. Do have children already? With him? Had you been trying for a baby?

I think those five words tell you exactly where he is with your relationship.

Be strong and dignified. He wants out and I suggest if you want any chance of getting him back you back off and start getting on with life without him. It will be hard and it is very early days but being pregnant trumps everything and you have to be strong for your baby and look after yourself.

You might find that actually you are managing quite well without him and he is the one thinking he can't live without you.

You can live without him, it will be hard but you can.

I have a 14 month old DS with him and yes, We had been trying for a baby.

Him ending the relationship was just so out of the blue, He told me that he has fallen out of love with me :(

I begged him to stay but he still walked away from us :(

I want him back, I'm heartbroken.

I'm very sorry you are in this position OP.

Do you think he is with someone else? Is he staying with someone? These are questions to ask when you meet up with him.

Now look - there will always be a way to get by. Your son and your baby need you more than anything so yes you can live without me and you are going to do so. This man has made it clear he doesn't want to be with you. That is very painful but you won't make that pain easier to bear by begging him. You deserve somebody who will stick with you come what may.

By all means talk to this man about access to your son, financial support for you and any other necessary items but don't beg him to come back. Don't give him the thrill of thinking that your life is all about him. You deserve better. You will find better.

'live without me' ? Yes op I'm sure you can live without inept typist me . I meant 'live without him'

Oh you poor thing. Do you think it's final? How can he leave you and his baby/s and just walk away - how cruel. Is there more to it? Has he seen your baby since he left? I wonder if your pregnancy will change his mind? Then again, would you really want it to. Babies rarely improve a relationship. In my experience, having a baby shakes even the strongest foundations.

What I want to do is hug you and make it better I want to tell you what you want to hear, but I wont - I will tell you how it is, because that's what you need to deal with right now :(

Great, that's all I need
We have a 14month old DS - He hasn't been in touch since he left
He's fallen out of love with me

He's probably seeing someone else :( But whether he is or not you have to accept that right now he doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want to be a family. IF you cry, beg, etc to make him come back (out of guilt) it will be shit.

You will throw it in each others faces when you argue (which you will).

If you make him come back when he doesn't want to, the chances of him walking out again when you have a newborn baby is HUGE and you would be in a more vulnerable state than you are now to deal with it.

Stay calm. Keep your dignity - it will come in handy later!

Tell him if that's what he wants then that's what he should do.

No matter how hard this is (and it is!!) tell him that you will, of course, expect him to have DS 50% of the time (do not back down on this). He must not be allowed to just be a Disney Dad. DS is his responsibility too.

YOU decide what you are going to do about this baby, on the basis that you will be a lone parent, then TELL him how it will be. He is not the one who would have to carry it and care for it while it is a newborn and he is not the one who would have to have the termination - this is your choice and yours alone.

I know it's not what you want, I know you want to beg him to stay and you want him to be the man you fell in love with, but right now he's acting like an enormous wanker and that is how you should view him.

You will either get what you want when he realises what a complete shithead he has been (at which point YOU can decide if you want him back or not) or you wont but you will have your dignity.

Stay strong - it is fucking hard :(
x

Well done for making it here Small bump. These ladies are wise and most of us have been where you are in some shape or other. Whilst you want to cry and beg now believe us all when we tell you that in the long run it will be better if you don't.
There must be teeny weeny things that are better without him, cap not left of the toothpaste type stuff. Think about these.
As I said in AIBU keep getting up each morning and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

chipping is right.

I know you can't imagine it right now because last year (this time almost exactly, give or take a month) I was you. 9 weeks pregnant, 16 month DS. Husband saying he had 'lost his feelings for me' and fucking off directly before xmas to 'think about' his life. When I came back from my parents in the NY I discovered his OW had been around since September... it was crushing. He's been a total shit. I won't go into it because it won't help you to hear all of that nonsense.

What may help you though, is to know that today I signed a contract for my first home with my TWO fabulous DS's and me. I am living a wonderful life. I've met amazing single mums and begun an entirely new life with my beautiful boys. It's bloody hard work and sometimes the emotional shit storm takes its toll but I promise you one thing, I'd not take him back for all the tea in China. My life without him ROCKS and I am fine.

If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing this time last year, it would be DON'T BEG. If his love isn't freely given, it's worth nothing at all. Save up all that love and concern for the boy you have and the baby inside you.

I listened to and appreciated all the advice I was given at the time, but ultimately I discovered I was able to make my own choices and create my own family. Believe in yourself because you CAN do the same. Wrap yourself up in the love of your family, friends and Mumsnet. My support on here got me through some dark, dark nights xx You're going to be ok xx

Please please don't beg him to come back, if you do it will destroy your sense of self worth and dignity and he would come back from guilt not because he truly wanted too

I bet he's got a new woman too. And he's too much of a coward to say it straight to you. How cruel is he to do this to you and your child and your little bump

I'm not going to say much more, I'm not as good with my words as chipping or northern and they have already said it better than I can but you will get through this, it will be hard but keep your dignity, I've been through this many years ago. My first ex buggered off with the line it's not you it's me, your more like my mate than my girlfriend then I found out he'd been knocking off a 16 year old.

Maybe your ex hasn't got anyone else but he has left you and you will be devastated. It's a raw, painful, grief filled journey but you will have two lovely babies to help you come to terms with the breakdown of your relationship and you will get there. Much love x

Agree with choco about mumsnetting support, it too has got me through some pretty dark times and 8 years on from the fallout of my first relationship I am still here!

It seems relationships fall apart when they get stale (home routine with kids bores so many men it seems) and communication breaks down.

If you really do love him and want him back, let him go. For a start that will throw him. If he sees that you are a bit mysterious, thinks you are strong, having a good time, happy, meeting new people, can get by without him he will start to wonder if he did the right thing. If he is good enough for you and does come back you'll know its because he wanted to THEN you can rebuild.
If he doesn't come back then you know that you are FAR better off without him, as frankly he is selfish and immature (I'm sure you don't REALLY want to live with that???).

Being a single mum is tough but you get by (often more fun - my kids can jump on the sofa now without being yelled at by a grumpy daddy!). I totally agree with ChippingIn though, if circumstances allow FORCE your child on him. I wish I were in a situation I could do this. As I see it there are so many benefits
If he is in another relationship it will kill the 'romance' very quickly dealing with tantrums, nappies, or general fatigue after a day with a child.
He will have more understanding of what you have to do every day (believe me very useful when it comes to negotiations)
Plus you need a break so you can be a good mum
AND one day you will meet someone fab and want to go out and have fun with them without kids.
It will be hard sending DS off with him to start with. Make sure you catch up with a friend when he's away. In the long run this 'me' time will be precious.

GOOD LUCK!

Hope the talk goes well.
Hopefully he will tell you the truthful reasons why he chose to leave.

My sister cancelled babysitting tonight for some stupid reason. She has been messing me around and then when I called her to double check if she could still babysit tonight she started asking when I needed her (fair enough) and then when would I be back, and then that she had to collect her teenage daughter etc etc. So I just cancelled my only night out since me and my partner split five weeks ago. and I just looked at the dates he is seeing kids and for the whole of December he is only seeing them one weekend day and no nights or overnight stays (he is a shift worker). I can't afford a babysitter as have had to go onto benefits. I feel so let down, but mainly by my unsupportive family. I feel so alone and bad for my kids as they don't have a very kind and loving family on my side, yet they do on their daddy's side. I am also pretty certain my ex has moved on as he is making all the arrangements so that he can have maximum social time. But I don't think there is much I can do about this. I just get so worried at night that if my car broke down or I needed someone to look after the kids in an emergency I would have no-one to turn to. My mum died when I was little and my dad never was in my life really. I am trying to be strong and positive about things but sometimes I feel that I should have held onto my kids dad and tried to love him and respect him more. Now everything is on me and it feels too much. I was crying trying to bleed the f**king radiators last night. And when my ex says oh, you can go Christmas shopping when I have the kids I think 'with what buttons?'
I just keep wondering what I did to deserve this. The kids are with their dad today and instead of having a nice time and relaxing I am having a crappy time. I need to buck up but I don't know how I am going to manage alone. I do have friends but its not the same as family.

Sorry OP I posted my rant on here by mistake. Please be strong. You CAN get through it. Like someone else said don't chase after him (easier said than done I know). Sending you hugs to get through this. xxx

Managed my pregnancy alone and have a super fabulous DD as a result. You will be okay, you have to be. It IS going to be fine and you WILL get through this and come out the other side stronger and happier. It's just going to be a bit rubbish. There is light though. I promise xxx