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DD's first phone call with her Dad.

8 replies

Emmielu · 25/11/2012 16:28

In just under 2 hours i will be dialing my ex's number so DD can talk to him for the first time. DD is 5 (nearly 6) and the only contact shes had with her dad is via letters. The letters werent regular. He would recieve a letter from DD, then would wait weeks before writing a reply then another week before posting it. In that time DD had done so much that when it came to her replying to his letters,she just repeated herself because at the age of 5, what child can write letters back and forth explaining everything thats happened over the past few weeks. I didnt have an input on what DD would write in the letter, i only helped with spelling and wrote the address on the envelope.

Last week DD said she wanted to talk to her dad on the phone instead of write letters because she doesnt like waiting for them and she doesnt think its fair that her friends get to see their dads and talk to their dads but she doesnt. So i suggested this to ex and he wasnt happy at first with the idea because i had made it out like it would be me talking to him then DD. I explained to him that it was DD's idea, that i would dial the number and DD would do the rest. He agreed, gave me his new number, i set a time and we agreed it would be once a week. DD is glad to be able to do this and is looking forward to talking to him in a while. I'm nervous. I dont know why, maybe it just nerves that this is the first what i would class as partly proper contact DD has ever had with her dad.

Should i be worried or nervous? Should i put the phone on loud speaker or leave them to it and just sit next to DD watching tv so she knows im there if she needs me?

OP posts:
colditz · 25/11/2012 16:31

Put it on loudspeaker, he may have no idea on how to speak appropriately to a child and you may need to intervene.

Emmielu · 25/11/2012 16:35

I didnt want to put it on loudspeaker but i am swaying that way. I've tried explaining what a chatty girl she is but its one of those "gotta see it to believe it" things. I dont want to intervene either cause it'll start another argument and the last thing i want is him starting to get angry on loudspeaker. I'd like to leave them to it as much as i can but at the same time, im DD's mum. Its my job to butt in before it gets uncomfortable. Isnt it?

OP posts:
difficultpickle · 25/11/2012 16:41

If you have a phone extension I would definitely be listening in. If you didn't then I would have it on loudspeaker.

BadIdeaBear · 25/11/2012 18:18

I'm not sure I understand why the loudspeaker is a good thing. It'll make both your daughter and ex aware that their conversation is being listened into and that will change the dynamic anyway. And sets a tricky precedent for the future too - when would you stop listening in?

I'd suggest being around for sure, but I can't see why it would go so badly, if his initial response was just about concern that you were instigating the calls rather than your DD. Especially if she's chatty - the main problem with these calls is that they can be stilted but unless he has previous, why do you think he may be inappropriate?

Letsmakecookies · 26/11/2012 08:18

Loudspeaker is both good and bad.

Unfortunately my children turn it on and it is so intrusive as you can't help but hear the conversation (which I find difficult), and I have to try not to sit and sigh...

He says so many things I find 'inappropriate' - because he is unable to think about the children's well being and is a bit like an overgrown toddler. For example, promising he is coming to visit this week and then telling them 'it is up to mummy' (he doesn't want to come and hasn't for 14 weeks, I have tried to organise it and have not stopped him), or I have quietly told the children that he is not very well and that is why he can't drive here at the moment and he will tell them he is much better now, in fact perfectly well thank you for being concerned (even though his health issues are why he lost yet another job a few weeks ago).

On balance with young children like your daughter, I would be inclined to listen in so you can deal with the questions afterwards. She will not be aware of the conversation being listened to, at 6 I doubt she is on the phone often.

Emmielu · 27/11/2012 07:09

Well, i neednt have been so worried. He emailed me an hour before and told me he had "last minute important thing to do" with the career path hes taking.

OP posts:
me23 · 27/11/2012 07:16

I'm sorry for your dd :-( your ex sounds like a complete waste of space and will continually let your dd down. My dd is 7 and her dad is not in contact I dread her saying she wants to find him as he doesn't give a shit about anyone except himself and would be acting the same as your ex.

Emmielu · 27/11/2012 07:51

He gives off mixed signals. One minute he wants to talk to me about her, writes to her etc. But as soon as i suggest another form of contact, its "my fault" he "feels awkward" about talking to DD because he wouldnt feel this way if he got to see her. The door has always been open and he knows that, so i suggest a date for him to come over, he backs off.

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