Lack of communication from Ex re contact

[bel4gor]

Husband and I separated in January. He moved away for work reasons, was then made redundanct in June. He has decided to stay away and not moved back despite still not working.

He has only been down to see the children 5 times since March, each time its always I may come down next weekend I may not. If he does he normally only says the night before leaving everyone including his parents guessing. He has spent more time in a different country with his girlfriend than he has with his children. He hardly ever phones them.

When he wants the children to go and see him he gives them very little notice, which then causes problems if the children have planned anything.

He told me 2 weeks ago he may be down this weekend. I skyped him on Friday asking him to let his children know if he was coming down or not and he still hasn't done so.

Would I be unreasonable to send a message to him that the children have made plans with friends if we still haven't heard anything by tomorrow. Both DD (17) and DS (14) want to let friends know if they can go out with them over the weekend.

I think given the age of your DCs that's eminently reasonable. You can't just all be sitting around waiting for him to decide if he's going to turn up or not.

Absolutely not unreasonable.
A letter from a solicitor suggesting a regular pattern of contact may just focus his mind

Not unreasonable at all, they are not his mates, they're his kids and he should show them a healthy amount of respect.

Thank you.

I think a trip to the solicitors is on the cards, was trying to avoid them, but not going to put up with his silence as far as the children are concerned anymore.

I'm not sure you solicitor could do much - sadly they can't force him to be a decent dad and come when he says he will.

I would just tell him you need XX amount of notice (a week?) of when he wants to come down otherwise you and the kids will make plans, and then it's too late if he wants to come and see them. Let him take you to court if he wants to push for formal contact, but as long as you're making it clear he can see them to a schedule or with a reasonable amount of notice, then no court is going to make you make them available for contact whenever he feels like it.

Even if he is coming to see them, at the age your DCs are at, I would have thought they have a right to make their own social arrangements and expect seeing their dad to fit in around them really.

Just put arrangements in the divorce. Waste of time paying a solicitor to write to him he can ignore anyway. and at this age is down to them really.
But you andndc can do something and decide..have a family meeting with dc and agree that
He needs to give one week notice
If not then if dc made other plans it is tough unless they can fit him in in between their other plans.

Explain this to dad. An email from all three . Politely saying please give one week notice otherwise other plans will have been made.

We were hoping to sort the divorce out without the use of a solicitor, but given his lack of communication I think I will have to use one.

Still no contact from him, skyped him as a letter from Student Finance arrived this morning, normally I just send them off to him without telling him, I know he is waiting to hear about when he will be paid his overpayment, so thought he would at least reply 'ok', nope nothing and that was 3 hours ago.

I told the children this morning to make whatever plans they wanted for this weekend.

Email would be good if he would check them, he didn't even reply to my letter months ago about agreed financial settlements re maintenance, house split etc.

Thank you all for your replies.

Just a little update. Ex didn't turn up, children did their own thing.

Don't know when he is going to see his children again, he hasn't spoken to DD for about 4 weeks and DS for 2 weeks!!

He says he loves them and wants to see them more.....I will believe it when I see it.