I have met someone new, do I move on or not

[Angelv]

I have been in an abusive / controlling relationship for the last 9 year. In my head it ended almost a year ago but he only actually left about 3 /4 months ago. Everyday he reassures me I have made the right decision, he is still very control and manipulative. I am working on addressing that as he is trying to use my son against me. I do nothing but try to encourage their relationship.
I have a very close friend who has really supported me over the last few months, and we have got very close. He has met my son (as a friend) and is fantastic with him, and knows my situation and my past. He has been supportive in me getting counselling and dealing with the past. I feel so positive about the future. I love him, we have spent time on our own as a couple (obviously away from my son) I love how he makes me feel and how we are, BUT before I start anything I am worried about my ex. He has already threatened 3 times to never see his son again when he wants to throw his toys out the pram. This new man is very worried about that, he puts my son first (more than my ex ever has) he doesn't want to be the reason my ex doesn't see his son, or come between their relationship. His access has already cut right down - his choice not mine, and a big part of me believes he is just looking for the right excuse to leave his life - but I can't let that be me moving on, that is no way for us to start something new.
Has anyone else ever dealt with this? I don't want to be the reason he doesn't see his son. Even if I decide not to take things further now (which is hard, because I really do love him, it is one of those I just know moments) am I going to always have this hanging over me? That he can just walk away and say it is my fault. How do I / we live with that and explain that to my son when he is old enough, will he resent us?

You are not responsible for your ex's relationship with his son. he will be the dad he wants to be. You are responsible for your relationship with your son though & personally I wouldn't rush things in terms of moving the relationship along, concentrate on your ds for a while so he feels secure.

If your ex chooses to see/not see your son it's his choice. Isn't this just another way to control you? It sounds like your son would be better off with your new friend in his life, not his dad.

Thank you both, I am in no rush to hurry this along, however my son is 4 and at the age when he tells everyone everything. My ex has heard my friends name a few times and he has assumed I am already seeing him. I am worried that if I have to always put my ex first we can't even be friends where my son is involved as he will mention him. As my ex hardly has my son that means a close friendship has to alter because of him too. However when he sends me messages saying he is love with someone and he has moved on etc that is ok, not too soon? Whether that is true or not why is it acceptable for him, if I'm not even allowed to be close to a friend that may possibly develop into something more??
I know this may all seem quick, and maybe it is but I am not looking at moving my friend in or introducing him to my son as anything other than the friend he has always known, but I would like to think if we could take it slow we could build on this, at the moment friendship is even tough without my ex making threats...
It's also the fact that whether it is petty or not my new potential partner has seen us after a threat and says that image haunts him. That was because my ex already though I was seeing him, he doesn't want to the the excuse my ex uses to leave our sons life.