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Original poster

Oh Dear!!

16 replies

wirral · 31/03/2006 07:54

Oh Bloody hell! Texted him in a drunken moment and asked him to come back!

How sad am I??

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mistressmiggins · 31/03/2006 08:06

been there, done that
turn your phone off when kids go to bed until you can trust yourself NOT to txt
phone a friend and moan at them instead

it does get easier - it was my birthday AND mothering sunday last weekend and I didnt cry once - BIG breakthrough

xxxx

Original poster
wirral · 31/03/2006 09:29

Hey am so impressed.No tears at all?? You are very inspiring. I am so pathetic. In the cold light of day and sober I don't even think I want him back. Daughter is staying over at his tonight. She's really looking forward to it. I am going to the theatre with friends.

Well done on surviving this MistressMiggins and a belated happy birthday with hugs!

OP posts:
Original poster
wirral · 31/03/2006 12:04

He's just texted me asking when he should pick up daughter tonight. Totally ignored my text.I am so pathetic. I really thought I had come to terms with this. Why do I feel so bad?

OP posts:
woosmummy · 31/03/2006 12:22

oh don't feel so bad, I did the same thing a couple of weekends ago when I was ou on my first night out in about a year - told him I had an itch that needed scratching and he was the only one who could sort it - was very gutted in the morning when I read my texts.

He ignored my text too but later that week asked if I was ok. I don't know what came over me - well I do but I definately didn't want him, just anyone would have done!

Bugsy2 · 31/03/2006 12:47

Wirral, don't torture yourself with this. You'd had to much to drink - it wasn't like you were really seriously asking him to come back in a serious discussion.
Pretend it never happened. If he is going to ignore it, you ignore it too. Definitely don't say anything about it when you see him later!
Re-write history in your own head - its a great trick! Grin

mistressmiggins · 31/03/2006 15:36

I agree with the others. Forget about it BUT do turn your mobile off at night until you can trust yourself NOT to txtGrin (I had to do this)

I guess that time IS a great healer and although its only been 5 months, it feels like 5 years.

Im not so tough - 24th Feb I had long chat with H on phone & asked H to come back. His reply was "I dont want to do that at this moment in time - coming back to you & the children would be a step backwards"
Nice
He also told me he enjoyed speaking to me every day

so I took that enjoyment away from him and ever since I have not seen or heard his voice - when he phones, I pass the phone str to DS.

This has been my saving grace - that I havent seen or spoken to him in well over a month (may even be 2)
I converse by email just b4 his contact weekend and he picks/drops off kids at my parents

that seems to have made a big difference.

p.s make sure you look nice when he comes round - not over the top but just nice AND be indifferent. Dont answer any questions about where you're going etc
Focus on DD and only talk about her

{{{ big hugs }}}

awayninahmanger · 31/03/2006 21:18

MistressM that is so sensible. I am still living in same house as p cos waiting for house sale and from time to time have I moments of weakness where I want to say I love you let's sort it out, vile isn't it? I do resist on the whole
He's away today I have been SO tempted to text
But I haven't I ate two choc bars and came on here

barmybird · 31/03/2006 21:18

Totally agree with all that has been said. Really don't beat yourself up we have all been there at one time or another. This is hard. For most of us the initial decision to seperate wasn't ours. Its understandable we have blips. Go easy on yourself.

Forget it happened and move on! things can only get better.

barmybird · 31/03/2006 21:25

Wow awayinamanger that is a tough situation to be in. I did it for a while with my soon to be x husband. It nearly finished me off in the end. He would get ready to go out each nite (he couldn't stand to stay in of an evening with me Shock but then would have days were he was nice to me. I really couldn't work out what was going on. I moved out in the end and now have my own home, but he still does this jekyl and hyde performance. I'm trying to rise above it! act indifferent, loose some weight and build up a social life! I always aim high! no point in messing about. Still have my bad days, particularly the weekends and sometimes I do think am I doing the right thing? but at the end of the day thats not my decision to make, he has moved on (he'd forgotten it is my birthday next month, thats how little he thinks of me!) and I've got to do the same.

mistressmiggins · 31/03/2006 21:29

hi wirral - hope your phone is off tonightWink
come on here instead if you get the urge
we're much nicer than your H

sorry to hijack
hi BB
have laryngitis and have been off work all week
kids gone to inlaws with H so although will miss them, at least I can rest and hopefully get better
had to go to drs again today for antibiotics

awayninahmanger · 31/03/2006 21:37

yes barmybird, exactly as you describe! I have a jekyl and hyde here, too, out on the town every night, off to Spain for a week soon leaving me with the children - flowers and rows. It must be so good to have a front door you can close, though. I find Friday nights pretty bad. Good on you for looking forward! I'm trying to build up a social life but with a 3 month old I'm not a party animal yet, the days are busy but the nights can be depressing
I;m ninah btw I didn't change it back after Xmas

barmybird · 31/03/2006 21:51

Hi Ninah, it must be very hard with a 3 month old. My dd is 3 and her dad now has her 2 nights a week, so I finally have 2 nights when I can do something other than sit in the house! sadly the nights are tuesdays and Wednesday so hardly party nights!

Being in my own home is great, but it is also very lonely. My x continues to make it clear he is building a solid relationship with the tart he left me for! but he also has days were he wants to tell me all about his work and his new house etc. I'm trying not to be so available to him, he has got to appreciate that there are consequences to his actions and one of those consequences is that at the moment I am struggling to be his friend (shocking eh! he dumps me and our dd for an old tart and I'm struggling to maintain a friendship Shock only a woman would try!).

I am trying to be positive at the moment and I'm trying to fill my evenings, I tend to go to bed very early now! could you plan to use your time to achieve a goal? could you do a distance learning course? or take up yoga?? learn a new skill? I don't know just something to fill the night! failing that as MM said come on here and we'll talk to you. Perhaps we should start a friday night club!

MM- hope you are feeling better soon. Get to the health food shop and get some supplements!! there speaks the nurse!

barmybird · 31/03/2006 21:51

Hi Ninah, it must be very hard with a 3 month old. My dd is 3 and her dad now has her 2 nights a week, so I finally have 2 nights when I can do something other than sit in the house! sadly the nights are tuesdays and Wednesday so hardly party nights!

Being in my own home is great, but it is also very lonely. My x continues to make it clear he is building a solid relationship with the tart he left me for! but he also has days were he wants to tell me all about his work and his new house etc. I'm trying not to be so available to him, he has got to appreciate that there are consequences to his actions and one of those consequences is that at the moment I am struggling to be his friend (shocking eh! he dumps me and our dd for an old tart and I'm struggling to maintain a friendship Shock only a woman would try!).

I am trying to be positive at the moment and I'm trying to fill my evenings, I tend to go to bed very early now! could you plan to use your time to achieve a goal? could you do a distance learning course? or take up yoga?? learn a new skill? I don't know just something to fill the night! failing that as MM said come on here and we'll talk to you. Perhaps we should start a friday night club!

MM- hope you are feeling better soon. Get to the health food shop and get some supplements!! there speaks the nurse!

barmybird · 31/03/2006 21:53

OOOOPS see how impatient I am to have an adult conversation! thats honest and not full of silly mind games!!

awayninahmanger · 31/03/2006 22:00

hi bb I have a 3 year old son as well as dd - found your comments on speaking with your dd v useful on other thread as the situation is really hard on him
I am usually pretty done in physically and mentally by the end of the day, will wait til in own place before starting course or anything, though yes there are things I'd like to do. I paint and am preparing for a small group exhibition over Easter - busy - it's emotionally I feel particularly bereft - you'll know what I mean
Must be odd being without your dd those nights. Tues/Wednes! they do pick them! Funny how nothing prepares us for this does it? My relationship with p has been rocky for ages, there is no one thing - tho I don't think fidelity is on his list of virtues either which in fact when I look that's a remarkably short list - er he's tall, .... Like the sound of a Friday night club!
Must check on dd who has terrible cold

awayninahmanger · 31/03/2006 22:01

haha YES! agree
back in a mo

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